Mooloo's Joining up the dots in 2017

beanielou

Sorry to hear your latest news.
Not ideal on so many levels.

grey_lady

Sounds like BF needs a bigger house, perhaps one with a double garage so there's room for his classic car and daughters things.

ognum

Mooloo wrote: »

Deflated Moo here.
Every thing seems like a lot of effort at the moment.
BF broke the news that his daughter and granddaughter are moving in, not applying to housing, as she wants to save up for her own place! So he has to find a cover for his classic car so it can be left outside so her stuff can be stored in the garage.
We cannot go over tonight as he is once again babysitting, and if we go over his daughter would not be able to come home as Dgd would be in the bed. Needless to say, I felt obliged to say we will stay here.
I am feeling very deflated as once again we are pushed out while his children move back in. ( I say we, but actually it’s Dgd who gets displaced), but I am not prepared to have her feeling 2nd best!).
My thoughts are low, and I feel even more disjointed in the relationship.

Mooloo

It appears from what you say your BF is an intelligent, thinking man who holds down a responsible job. He is therefore fully aware of the consequences of everything he does and agrees to do for others.

So, he understands that if his daughter and grand-daughter move in then you cannot stay over. It is a choice he has made, maybe he will come to you more often?

He is doing what you have done many times over, caring for his family. Maybe his daughter is making the right choice, maybe she feels you are there too often and she needs to stake her claim on her father and his home.

Maybe, maybe, maybe, sometimes we need to let life evolve not push it one way or another, that way we get to understand the rhythms of life without interference. The future may be with boyfriend but maybe it won’t be, just let it happen!

*max*

Mooloo wrote: »

Deflated Moo here.
Every thing seems like a lot of effort at the moment.
BF broke the news that his daughter and granddaughter are moving in, not applying to housing, as she wants to save up for her own place! So he has to find a cover for his classic car so it can be left outside so her stuff can be stored in the garage.
We cannot go over tonight as he is once again babysitting, and if we go over his daughter would not be able to come home as Dgd would be in the bed. Needless to say, I felt obliged to say we will stay here.
I am feeling very deflated as once again we are pushed out while his children move back in. ( I say we, but actually it’s Dgd who gets displaced), but I am not prepared to have her feeling 2nd best!).
My thoughts are low, and I feel even more disjointed in the relationship.

I think you are being very unfair. I understand you are disappointed at not being put first, but he is only doing for his daughter what you have been doing countless times for your own children. You would not put him before your children, would you?

He can do whatever he likes in his own home, and so can you. His home is not your home too - you only visit, you don't live there.

I also think regarding DGD, I am sure she is not feeling "displaced" at all, and you are projecting your own feelings onto her. Why would she? It's not her home! You have to be really careful not to instill in her that BF is her granddad in any way, and that she (or indeed you!) has certain "rights" over staying at his or you will create issues for her that should not be there at all (as in, feeling somewhat rejected in favour of someone else - when you say you don't want her feeling "second-best", you really don't want to put that into her mind!)

She IS being second best, I'm afraid, but that is only natural - she is NOT your BF's granddaughter! And what's more, it is not being done intentionally to reject her, so please don't make her think it is, even lightly. Kids pick up on things like that.

just_trying

I don't think moo has ever implied dgd thinks of him as grandad. I think reading the post was dgd wouldn't have a room to sleep in.

Yes, she's helped her children out loads, as she's said, but if you're having a difficult time feeling down, it doesn't help reading posts which aren't NICE.

thorsoak

I am hurt to think that my post could be perceived as "not nice". I was pointing out to Mooloo just how much BF has changed over the years, when at first he said she should not involve herself with her children so much, and how she herself has influenced these changes.

Supporting someone else often means showing them another point of view.

Eager_Elephant

I have known Mooloo a long time and her diary is a place for her to vent her feelings, of course she is going to feel out of sorts with this going on and if she wants to moan about that she can.

I don't think Mooloo thinks her OH should not have his daughter to stay just that it will affect their relationship.

I believe earlier this year Mooloo had talked about moving in with her OH but of course if the daughter and grand-daughter are there that wont happen any time soon as saving for a deposit to buy a house will take longer than getting one off the housing register.

I, too would feel the same. Mooloo is not young any longer and she has hopes and dreams she still wants to fulfil and those hopes have now changed and I can understand why she feels so deflated at the moment.

((Mooloo)) Things will work out for you eventually but right now if you cant see the wood for the trees that is fine because you will work your way through this issue.

whiteguineapig

I'm really hoping that next year is a peaceful one for you moo loo, you really deserve a drama free year

ognum

I also would not wish my post to be hurtful.

I agree Mooloo vents her feelings here but this is a public forum so some people will respond and sometimes having other opinions is useful to balance your thoughts and feelings.

None of us know what the future is for Mooloo, but many people read along and are aware her future is in the balance with BF and maybe her future is in Portugal or where she is or with BF. So it definitely wasn’t a question of moving in soon was it Mooloo?

Anyway good luck Moo, your commitment to DGD is outstanding and the future will work out.

As said in the Marigold Hotel ‘Everything will work out in the end, it it’s not alright it’s not the end’!

Artytarty

While I do not have the credentials of some regular posters, I have been reading Mooloss diary for a long time. I think, though do,feel,free to correct me , that she decided against moving to Oxford after bf was less than chivalrous when they were at a dance.

I don't often post because she gets such good support and I know advice is not what she is looking for generally...and I don't want to be shot down by others here for my thoughts.

Life throws a ton of poo at moo at times. That I will agree without a doubt.