Friend no more?

dekaspace

I have known a guy for 6 years, he is a taker though I left him get away with it at the time at first for a entourage then when he left uni I thought if he lived locally he wouldn't get on my nerves but it ended up more he gave me little to no notice and stayed at mine 2 or 3 days on average though 6 days on one occasion, never chipped in and at his worst in the early days would raid my food and never replace it.

I even remember buying like a take away, having a small amount (such as a pizza eating one slice) leave it in fridge and next morning the rest would of vanished and he would moan about me replacing it him saing "you didn't eat it therefore you didn't want it, so tis fair game" but he would freak out if I so much as look at or ask for any of his food.

Then he would be messy, always leave toilet seat up, taps running, pile up his rubbish on floor, leave plates piling up and when I ask him to help (not do all the work) tidying up he would say "im your guest, you look after me"

So often I think I will never speak to him again but give him another chance.

But recent events have tipped me over the edge, he asked me with 1 days notice to stay at mine for 1 or 2 weeks at a temp job, I said yes if he helps me pack or at least gave me a lift in his car (0.3 miles away) he agreed but when he arrived refused saying it was too much hassle, after a bit of arguing he did it but refused to load the car and made me do it myself, then a few days later I asked for another lift and this time he said "you should be greatful I gave you one last time" so I go "you have been at my flat 5 days, not chipped into bills, eating my food, left rubbish about and walked your muddy boots into the carpet, you should be greatful to me" he just replied "oh you get benefits, therefore you haven't paid for the rent yourself or the food"

He did give me another lift though.

He came down tonight and I only let him as there was some items at my old property that needed moved and heres the main thing, the things that needed moved were the things he asked me to leave there for him to use when he was staying i.e tv and computer, he did help me and was a tiny bit more helpful than before but when we went out I bought a round (only had 2 drinks when out) and he owed me £5 from a takeaway from 10 days ago.

I ask him to pay the money he owes (minus the drink he bought me in pub) and he started getting snappy and went "I owe you nothing, you should pay me for moving your stuff"

I estimate he has stayed over 100 days in past 5 years at mine if not closer to 130, each time never even saying thank you, chipping in, making a mess each time and treating my property as if its a hostel.

He acts like I should be greatful to him for all of 3 lifts as a favour in 6 years I have known him, and he has nothing to be greatful to me for despite getting munchies and raiding my food, expecting to stay for free whenver he wants as if my place is his personal hotel, never saying thank you.

I am not overreacting I think! What about other peoples opinions?

hazyjo

I think you know the answer.

You need to grow a pair (even if you're female lol!).

You have let him do all of the above.

What are his good points (if any)? If none, drop him.

Don't ask him for favours. Don't give any.

Jx

Marvel1

You are being a mug, read over what you have wrote.

moneyistooshorttomention

...and you put up with him!!!

Why?

He's a user - pure and simple.

Yep...your place is being used as a free hotel. Did you need that spelt out?

chesky

Only the fact that you've been a regular poster stopped me from thinking this post was a wind-up. Seriously, re-read this as though it came from someone else and eject him from your house and life. You won't miss him.

Sicard

It might be a good idea if you find a way to raise your self esteem. Some people find it hard to say 'no' and spend the rest of their lives being used by others. Give him the one finger.

FBaby

I think it's called a light bulb moment!

Fireflyaway

You have been patient because you gave him several chances, but his behaviour continues to be selfish and unappreciative. Doesn't look like that's going to change anytime soon!
Be strong and dont allow him to stay again. Be prepared he might say nasty things to you about it or it might even break your friendship. He doesn't sound like a good friend though.

gizwal

You are basically letting him walk all over you. You give him everything, he offers nothing in return. Give him the boot, and if he moans about it, go tell him to find some other mug to leach off. No offence, dekaspace, but you really don`t need someone like that in your life!

LannieDuck

Why do you keep letting him stay?

"im your guest, you look after me" <= That would have been it for me. Next time he asked to stay, he would have got a very resolute, and very satisfying 'no'.

Guests are someone you choose to invite for a short period. And yes, you do look after them to a certain extent, but most guests try not to impose too much.

Someone who asks to stay for their own purposes (temp job etc) is imposing on you. They should ask politely, be as little of a burden as they can, and find a way to repay the kindness.

Mojisola

dekaspace wrote: »

So often I think I will never speak to him again but give him another chance.

Why? ......................