Friend no more?

Pollycat

Dekaspace
I would say try not to help people to the detriment of your own well-being.

dekaspace

hazyjo wrote: »

I'm really not sure what you want to hear so I'm outa here too

You seem very angry with people who are only trying to help. You want to stay friends with him, but are unhappy with the way he treats you. Did you just want a pat on the shoulder? I'm very confused. Sorry! Thought you were saying your friend was autistic, now it seems to be you - maybe I missed it.

We're not medical experts (and can't give medical advice on the forums so don't pretend to be) so please don't get cross when people 'haven't educated themselves with autism'.

Jx

I am autistic, friend shows signs of autism and theres general knowledge about autism that most people have such as people with it struggle with emotions or understanding other people, and like me personally I have a logical thought process, I listen to various points then from that do something that incorporates things.

With the autism I wanted some feedback mostly, or interpretations not a pat on the back, nor sympathy (or as much as understanding)

So with that, hes not a nasty person though often comes close, but a depressed person who is likely autistic who snaps when he gets stressed like a child, hes very panicky all the time and is childlike overall, he does things that affect other people as he doesn't understand actions have consequences, he wouldn't do things out of spite but out of naivity and when confronted give a blank expression and genuinely not know what the problem is.

So thats why I gave him so many chances, unlike another friend who was nice to my face but I found out was stealing from me (as well as food from shops) doing benefit fraud, and never paid back some cash he owed so put him out of my life as it was all intentional.

Jackieboy

Wouldn't it be better for you and your mental health if you made friends with people who lead a more normal life, with jobs and (comparatively) normal relationships? That would give you a more usual yardstick against which to judge your own relationships and your life generally,

pollyanna_26

Dekaspace I can see some positives in your reply to me . You are now filling in the gaps which people responding to your posts were unaware of and therefore couldn't understand your difficulties .
I do feel counselling is a positive way ahead for you . I totally understand the fight to access these services but as you have been told you are a mild case it will be available much more easily than other services . It could help you to develop tools to process situations in a more positive way and also see what is a healthy relationship .
You started a thread in November about Finally calming down . Pyxis mentioned SAMM to you - did you ever follow that up ?
You need to understand that people are trying to help you move forward and without the facts can't respond in the manner you wish . I would strongly advise you to put your efforts into trying to get some counselling and maybe revive the thread I mentioned above .
However I am still advising you to terminate the unhealthy relationship with the friend this thread concerns . He is not a child , he drives , goes drinking with you and abuses the so called friendship . Using someones address to apply for employment for 2 years is abusive and dishonest and not the action of someone anyone would consider a friend . Please think carefully on that I am not saying it without knowledge of the outcome in the future of that behaviour .
polly

dekaspace

Jackieboy wrote: »

Wouldn't it be better for you and your mental health if you made friends with people who lead a more normal life, with jobs and (comparatively) normal relationships? That would give you a more usual yardstick against which to judge your own relationships and your life generally,

Theres a few issues with that though not impossible, I noticed over the years which again is linked to the autism that when I made friends for example in jobs or at university it was a specific type of friendship which was more of a entourage, people wanted to go for a pint, or go round to a friends listening to music, and whilst I had friends who invited me to pub often they would say to me "you only live once", when I wanted to sit in house and watch a movie then if bored discuss doing something like go for a pint.

That and also a bit due to past experience I can either be overwhelming and seen as "clingy" with people, or dull and quiet as I don't speak.

By clingy what would happen is as I know I have a limited time with someone I may get everything out at once i.e haven't seen them in a month I will give them a months worth of stories from me in a very short time which makes them think I am bad to be around.

I had a friend I have fallen out with a few times over the years and not spoken to for years at a time who told me years ago in a friendly way to calm down and not try and fill every gap in conversation or period of silence with discussion.

pollyanna_26

Dekaspace your reply to Jackieboy shows the issues you could get help with . This is why at times I have mentioned social skills . It can be a minefield for those with autism recognising boundaries in relationships but these things can be learned .
Further up you mention a good friend who brought a sofa and shelf and sounds a decent person . Could you compare that friendship with the present situation ? You may see the glaring differences between the two . If you take the true friend as a guide to a healthy friendship it may help you see the present situation in a helpful way .
You sound a caring person but take it from someone with years of experience , you can't fix everyone but you can take the steps to access the things necessary to help yourself .
polly