Friend no more?

Silvertabby

Just tell him 'no more'. If it helps, (assuming you are still on benefits) tell him that he can't stay or DWP will assume that he's your partner and cut your benefits.

dekaspace

Silvertabby wrote: »

Just tell him 'no more'. If it helps, (assuming you are still on benefits) tell him that he can't stay or DWP will assume that he's your partner and cut your benefits.

One thing I forgot to mention was he has been applying for jobs at my address for about 2 years I didn't realise till recently.

He was better over New Year apart from those few hiccups, he did moan once more when I asked for 1 last lift (so 4 lifts I think over 2 weeks) but backed down after I mentioned to him the things I wanted a lift with were the things I left for him when he stayed at my old flat like the small tv and a computer, curtain and shower rails (as he said he would likely move in more than not)

The worst it got in the arguing though was he said I was offending him and shouting at him and getting worked up over nothing.

Majestic1919

Offending him? He certainly likes to manipulate you because he knows he can. You are worth more than that, aren't you?

New year, new flat, new you. Time for you to meet new friends. Real friends.
Plenty of good suggestions from others as to why he can no longer stay, so tell him NO. He is not someone you need in your life, but you have to do something about it.

thorsoak

dekaspace wrote: »

One thing I forgot to mention was he has been applying for jobs at my address for about 2 years I didn't realise till recently.

He was better over New Year apart from those few hiccups, he did moan once more when I asked for 1 last lift (so 4 lifts I think over 2 weeks) but backed down after I mentioned to him the things I wanted a lift with were the things I left for him when he stayed at my old flat like the small tv and a computer, curtain and shower rails (as he said he would likely move in more than not)

The worst it got in the arguing though was he said I was offending him and shouting at him and getting worked up over nothing.

Why are you still in contact with this person? As you don't have "doormat" tattooed across your forehead (at least, I presume you don't!) don't allow him to disrespect you. And do not let him use your address for any reason.

kazwookie

DUMP HIM

You are being used..............

CGG

Sorry to offend, but !!!!!!! The more YOU allow this behaviour, the more it will happen.

pollyanna_26

Dekaspace Not one single reply on this thread is positive regarding this so called friend . As I posted further up the thread I told you what to do on another of your threads .
That was the 6th December . I advised you not to allow your friend to stay at your old flat when you had moved leaving some of your belongings behind for him to use . I said move everything clear and clean up and return the keys . If your friend wanted to live there himself as you stated I said that was for him to discuss with the landlord after you'd returned the keys .
I also advised you to be very careful you are not taken advantage of .
Today I read he has been using your address . That is illegal and something a friend would never do .
As you seem to ignore all the logical advice people offer the words head and brick wall come to mind .
I again urge you to seek some positive support with all these dilemmas and to bear in mind that you receive benefits from both dwp and your council . Someone claiming to live at the same address as you could cause investigation at some point down the line .
Get rid of him . No reason needed . Then seek some support with life skills .
Good Luck
ps Understand he is not honest , his next action could be ordering goods to your new address or other fraud .

dekaspace

He honestly isn't like that, its more he is oblivious to the damage he causes which I think is a combination of depression and potential autism he did get some tests done and was meant to go for an actual assessment but moved before they were done and couldn't be bothered to arrange them with new doctor.

It's honestly like dealing with a child, he doesn't understand other people to the point he can get shocked when he is told he has made a mistake with a blank look to his face.

My impressions of him is that he has a lot of bottled up depression and uses me and my property as respite and must think to himself as this is how he acts like he has a problem so people should help him feel better, its more ignorance than anything else, I made friends with him originally hoping he would change which I still think he can do but only when he wants to which a huge part is due to him not working, but he won't find work until his attitude changes and hes been out of work 4 years now.

Anyway was speaking to him earlier and he said to me he finds out tomorrow if that temp job will become permanent and said to me he would stay at mine for a few weeks whilst getting his own place.

I told him no and he was surprised by it, I did however say I didn't mind looking online for places for him to stay if he did get a job (which may not be the best thing to say) because that way hes both out of my hair, busy with work and I wont hear from him at random wanting to stay, luckily he wants to live about 6 miles away so he wont be at my door every night.

chesky

You really can't have this both ways.
You started by trying to engage our sympathies - which was successful.
But now, when everyone is trying to help you, it's a different story. It's not his fault.
Well, I said at the start I thought this might be a wind-up.
Has this guy not got a family.

hazyjo

dekaspace wrote: »

I made friends with him originally hoping he would change which I still think he can do but only when he wants to which a huge part is due to him not working, but he won't find work until his attitude changes and hes been out of work 4 years now.

You sound like one of these women who are with some dodgy bloke in the hope they'll be the one to change him.


Why do you feel this need to help him change? Do you actually like his company as a friend? Sounds to me like you just want to help him. Not a bad thing, but it just ain't working and it he doesn't sounds like he offers anything positive to the friendship.


You might want to find some friends on your level, not someone you are trying to help. That's a different thing, and I think you maybe need to distance 'friendship' from the 'relationship' the two of you have.


Jx