From debt to freedom...

rugbymadfamily

Hi HSL, sounds like things are progressing really well. So glad to hear you have your home, your front door and your space back. 

DS1 is definitely being used as a mouth piece, I think responding firmly but fairly in the way you have is the only way to counter that. Give a fair time frame for him to remove it (personally I think max of 2 weeks if fair given he has had over a year already!) and then if not, get it shifted. Might be worth calling a scrap metal yard as they will likely take it away for free and possibly give you some money for it (although I vaguely remember reading a news article saying scrap metal value is low at the moment). But as long as you dont have to pay to get it gone then it's probably worth it!

You are doing so well, keep staying strong

crazy_cat_lady

Let's build a Wicker Man with all of the stuff!
Too much?

Drawingaline

How tempted are you to tell ds1 you are charging for storage of 'his' metal? And back dating it to he date he moved out?

savingholmes

crazy_cat_lady said:

Let's build a Wicker Man with all of the stuff!
Too much?

Love it. 

I would give 1-2 weeks max for DS to take his so called stuff - and yes otherwise get rid anyway you please. 

Sounds good about freeing up space in your house for other things. It's a good way of sending a clear signal to all - that the old is past and the new has come. So pleased you had some free time to walk and garden this week. Made me think of the 'winter is past' verse where it then talks about a time of singing, fragrance and cooing of doves (ie peace).... I pray you enter into a new era of peace, love and joy - and more time for rest and relaxation too... The war is over... I also like the one - about there being a 'time for everything under heaven'... and 'making all things beautiful in its time' and 'setting eternity in our hearts....' Peace to you.... May you know grace and favour wherever you go - and rest.

Spendless

So fantastic to read of positive news on steps being made on the house. It's been a long slog you've been on, practically, emotionally, financially.

And does the metal in the garden really DS1'S stuff? 
 I agree that he is being used as a mouthpiece and manipulated. Think I already predicted that in years to come you will be picking up the pieces of this. I suspect ex has come to the realisation (thankfully and at long last) that the law is on your side over his stuff still there, so he can only go down the route of using the kids instead, which is the same tactic used in the furniture raid on obtaining a key!

Personally I would respond to DS1 factually but unemotionally, so without giving a response as to 'he will be fuming' but instead giving a date when the stuff needs to be gone. I'd give him an actual date (4 weeks absolute tops).You could also give what my DH says is called the 'alternative close' in sales. This is when you don't ask someone an open ended question eg 'How many pens do you wish to buy off me?' but instead word it 'Would you like to buy one or two pens off me?'  So in this case  assuming he doesn't reply to your message to collect ASAP 'would you like to come and collect your metal by the end of the month, or would you prefer me to dispose of it?'. If you do find someone to collect, I'd suggest keeping that  date to yourself so you don't get an unwanted garden raid whilst you're at work. 

Cherryfudge

Some useful thoughts above about the metal in the garden.

I love that you've 'found' a porch that you and the children can use! Who's going to have the fun of revamping it?

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Warby, Jill12, Rugbymadfamily, CCL, DAL, SH, Spendless & Cherryfudge.

CCL - 😂

SH - Thank you so much for the reminders of verses that are so apt...much appreciated.

Spendless - Thank you, I do need to be careful to phrase things so they can’t be misconstrued. I like the way of giving an option of 2 so there isn’t really room for discussion. 

DAL - quite tempted...there is a vehicle in the mix as  well which I really don’t want a minute longer!

Cherryfudge - I think it will probably be DD3 and I! If I get it done in the next couple of weeks it will give her a designated revision space.

Tonight it looked quiet at Job 2 so I asked if I could have the night off as we had enough staff in to cover bookings. I ended up having an evening at home with just the elderly lurcher as the DCs were on their weekly visit to the ex.  I got on with some marking that needed doing but was surprised at how relaxed I felt. I don’t have the kind of arrangement whereby every other weekend the children are with the ex, so it was very rare to have time quite alone. I was pleased with how much I got done.

Also braved the dentist today for an appointment. I get terrified, so was glad when that job was done. As it was the hygienist I saw, the appointment was free with the dental plan I’m on 😀.

savingholmes

Glad you took time to rest and just be.

lucielle

Glad the dentist went ok.  Hope the metal gets sorted and moved and doesn't leave you out of pocket.
L

Humdinger1

crazy_cat_lady said:

Let's build a Wicker Man with all of the stuff!
Too much?

Deffo! But who will play the various roles?