From debt to freedom...

crazy_cat_lady

Take care HSL - I still want to smack your ex in the face when I hear about him. You're a lot more accommodating than I ever was. I still would change the locks and tell him to get on with sorting the legals out asap if he's bothered about it.
As for school - I'm still not entirely convinced it will happen on June 1st - think there's an awful lot of optimism going on there. Still, suppose we need to plan and prepare for it.

Cherryfudge

There's so much happening now with restrictions changing... I do feel for you as I stress about any little changes that take me out of my safe bubble. However it's good to hear that your son's boss is providing a mask and keeping hand gel in the car is good too. If you get the chance to treat the family to moisturising soap and rich hand cream, I find those help. Something you can enjoy using as well as taking care of your skin!

janb5

crazy_cat_lady said:

Take care HSL - I still want to smack your ex in the face when I hear about him. You're a lot more accommodating than I ever was. I still would change the locks and tell him to get on with sorting the legals out asap if he's bothered about it.
As for school - I'm still not entirely convinced it will happen on June 1st - think there's an awful lot of optimism going on there. Still, suppose we need to plan and prepare for it.

I endorse your comments CCL completely.  Very challenging behaviour indeed.

savingholmes

Hugs HSL. You continue to do an amazing job of keeping going under trying circumstances. 

janb5

Please HSL...you ARE keeping a bullet list of all these aggressive behaviours aren`t you?  This is dragging on and on and impacting on your serenity and MH.

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you CCL, Janb5, Cherryfudge and SH.

Jan - at one point I did keep a diary, more from the perspective that Writing was somehow cathartic and helped me to try and keep it together when we were still living together. When things become very stressful with the ex I tend to go back to that, but a good reminder to jot  things down. Sadly his dog attacking our dogs happens fairly frequently, despite me asking for his dog to be in the big dog crate when he comes, that I sometimes forget to write down each time. I did object this week to the 2 attacks but got told to shut up by DS1 and had comments from the ex that beggared belief.

Unfortunately the bathroom situation gets worse...the bath, toilet and sink have all been taken out. The floorboards are rotten from the water that leaked into them. When the floorboards were taken up, the polystyrene insulation beneath was dripping with water as was the damp proof membrane. So the bathroom at the moment is a concrete floor with pipes running across. The water has spread across the floorboards of the hallway, so it’s looking to be a big job to sort out. Last night I went to Aldi and thankfully in their middle section,  they had a small dehumidifier, so I bought it in the hopes that it would help the hallway to dry out a bit faster.  I do have buildings and contents insurance and must look into it. Not sure if wear and tear is covered as oppose to accidental damage.

Work has taken quite a chunk of time this week, with extra meetings to try and sort out a plan for returning to work on 1st June. My plan is to teach outside as much as I possibly can. Next week we have to go back in and prepare the classrooms and make sure we have a one way system.

Between work and the bathroom, the garden and allotment has been quite neglected...DD3 said to me yesterday she wanted the “ allotment on Saturday, long walk on Sunday” routine back.  There’s certainly plenty to do. The cornflowers and cerinthe and coming on nicely as are the mangetout, lettuce and beetroot.  I’ve lost one lot of beans and all of the butternut squashes due to the very unexpected frost we had at the beginning of this week. I honestly cannot remember ever having frost in May before. I’ve got a second lot of beans and some sweet corn to plant out but need to do a bit more raking first to prepare the soil.

Budget wise, I need to pull back on the grocery shop spending, especially as from next week, I’ll have the fuel costs back for the commute to work. Yesterday I saw flour on the shelves of Mr T for the first time since mid March! They were selling 4kg bags. Never been so pleased to see flour! I had just run out of plain flour this week and had had to make pasties this week, with self raising flour! 

Plant sales are still happening. £5 worth sold yesterday so I’m slowly creeping up to the next £20 chunk I can pay off the window loan.

Running has been happening...DD2 is highly motivated and reminds me to get going. I’m on run 3 of week 3 today.  I keep reminding myself that as well as keeping fit, I’m trying  to make sure that my lung capacity  ( not sure if that’s quite the right term) is as good as possible ( am asthmatic) . I have to say that however reluctant I am t9 run, I always feel better for it by the end.

Moneywhizz

Like everyone else on your diary I am in awe of how you hold down a responsible job, run your home, cook, bake, take care of a garden and an allotment and look after your children so well. I don't think you realise that there aren't many people who could do all of that so capably. My reason for commenting  though is to say that you really don't need the added stress of your ex coming along and interfering in your life. Coming into your home that he doesn't contribute to, bringing his dog, taking baths and then shouting at you is completely unacceptable and is definitely abuse. I can't imagine why your solicitor is not doing more to help you deal with this situation while waiting for mediation. He may well be entitled to come into the house, but he certainly doesn't have the right to allow his dog to attack yours, or to shout at you and there are definitely ways that your solicitor could help to put a stop to that. 
Even more potentially concerning though is that your son now thinks he can  join in the abuse. Obviously he is learning from his father and thinks that he too can treat you disrespectfully. I understand that he is your son but he needs to know that you are not going to accept that kind of behaviour from him. I know you have also  had problems getting him to understand why he should contribute financially. It is possibly time to take a much tougher stand with him, explaining that he must contribute and he must not speak to you like that again or he will have to leave the house and find somewhere else to live. 
I can't imagine how stressful all this, while trying to find the bathroom leak and get it sorted. I hope you manage to enjoy some of the last few days before you go back to work and find some peace in the midst of all of the turmoil. 

Suffolksue

Delurking to say I agree with Money whiz ,have been trying to work out how to say the above.
I too am in awe of how you cope ,but please also think about the example it is showing your daughters ,is it really ok for men to treat women in this way .Please get further advice ,
this is abuse and should not be tolerated .

Mumoffourkids

I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again. When I read your diary, you motivate me to do so much. I don’t know how you get so much done each day and still have time to bring up amazing children. I need to take some strength from you to get doing some stuff as I have been wallowing the last couple of days.

janb5

Hi HSl... it may be worth telephoning your insurance company and having a chat.  I have a funny feeling that a major problem be it gas, water or electricity is covered for insurance.  i had a leak from my water tank some years ago and the insurance company sent one of their own registered plumbers to address the problem..  They`re open on a Saturday so maybe give them a ring?
When abuse is happening all around you, I think you are so anxious to ` keep the peace` that you are not retaliating.  I think it would be worth speaking to your solicitor urgently as this cannot be allowed to continue.  There is also a ` leit motif occurring with your ds which SuffolkSue and Moneywhizz have alluded to and you cannot allow this to continue.  

Please dont perceive any of this as criticism as it isn`t meant that way but you are shouldering so much stress and there is only one of you.  I`d suggest a family meeting and get everyone to talk about the way forward.  You are not stopping the children seeing their father but in the,light of Covid, he shouldnt be at the house anyway!  

There hasnt been a light at the end of the tunnel in regards progress with your ex NOT coming to the house, shouting abuse at you etc.Please get urgent legal help now or is it possible to take out an injunction?  I hope so.