From debt to freedom...

WannabeFree

Can totally relate to where you're coming from but I have no advice. Didn't want to read and run

Take care
x

abba1772

How can he be upset he knows you are legally separated just because you asked for his help with your children doesn't make the issues you had and have go away

You need stand firm with him, I would not tolerate my ex taking himself to my child's bed regardless if he's in a huff or not xx

liselle

I was going through a divorce and couldn't get my soon-to-be ex husband off the sofa and out of the door.I was given excellent advice by my solicitor.She said, "If you don't get him out straight away, he'll be there for ever." I had to give him an ultimatum in the end.And yes of course he tried to make me the bad guy in front of the children.
Very best wishes,we're all rooting for you.

crazy_cat_lady

My solicitor has told me over and over again that if I am in the home and he comes round and I don't want him there then he has no more right than a stranger - regardless of the fact that his name is still on the house. Obviously my situation deteriorated to the point that I had to get the police involved so he can't come back anyway, but you really need to get him out and get those locks changed. I can't imagine the stress it must be causing you.

Busy_Mee1

I think you could ask him to leave on the basis that " it is too confusing for the children, especially are we are now legally separated " That puts the children's welfare first.

He constantly puts you difficult situations HL and is very manipulative. I know you probably don't want to discuss with the children but I imagine the older ones can see how badly he treats you.

The very best of luck with it, please look after yourself, you have been ill and are recently bereaved. You could really do without his game playing x

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you everyone for your wise words. I went out this morning, the ex was still in bed. When I got back he had gone but returned later to drop off DS2. It's truly bizarre, last night he asked me to sort out the insurance and got angry about me clicking on separated. I told him last night, which was the cheapest option, as he lay on DS's bed. Today he denied that I'd told him about the options. If it wasn't for the fact that I called DS1 to the computer to see the options, I would end up doubting myself. Ahhh!
Thankfully he has now gone and I can relax which I haven't been able to for the last 3 nights.

I didn't sleep well last night and was running over various scenarios in my mind til in the end I was going round in circles. Getting ready for work has taken much of the day, including making some soup for lunch.

NSD 1 for February. Saturday was a little spendy unfortunately but 2 DDs needed shoes.

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Cherryfudge, for your wise advice about costs. I didn't put down an extra window payment which is just as well because I need to send DD1 the train fare to come home for the funeral. I haven't got time to get her as well as work so the train it will have to be. Flowers are also a consideration but my parents have said to just chip in what I can.

Had a NSD on Monday making 2 so far for Feb.

Surviving work day by day at the moment.

Drawingaline

Sounds like you had a tough time with the snow. We were hit hard too (am in the town that was on the national news due to gridlock!) but I stayed in as the kids were off.

Hope things settle down with the ex.

Cherryfudge

Honeysucklelou2 wrote: »

It's truly bizarre, last night he asked me to sort out the insurance and got angry about me clicking on separated. I told him last night, which was the cheapest option, as he lay on DS's bed. Today he denied that I'd told him about the options. If it wasn't for the fact that I called DS1 to the computer to see the options, I would end up doubting myself. Ahhh!

This concerns me. Is he a bit of a 'gaslighter' (makes you doubt yourself)?

He does seem to be increasing the time he spends at your home, so other possibilities include trying to get back into a relationship of sorts, or being in denial.

Hope you have a more restful time this weekend. Do you have a date for the funeral yet? This waiting time is hard.

Honeysucklelou2

He does sometimes. One half term, I took 3 of the children out on a day when he cooks an evening meal for them, so I asked what time he would like them to be back for. I was told I was being awkward and he then said he was concerned about my mental health. I'd only asked for a time out of courtesy. That did scare me.

The funeral is on Valentine's Day. DD1 is set to go straight to my parents' house. We had to have a long gap to allow my brother, who lives abroad, chance to get home. I sent DD1 the train fare yesterday and just need to send my contribution to the flowers.

Today is DS1's birthday. He is very excited to start driving. I like 17th birthdays. The cake is really easy...1 square sponge, topped with white icing and a red L piped on top!!

Yesterday was my first day at home when I haven't been ill, so I got a bit of decluttering and tidying done. DS1 helped me to do a tip run.

I paid £100 for nursery fees yesterday. The amount I have to pay has dropped a bit now that DS3 is 3.

Best cracking with that sponge!