From debt to freedom...

WannabeFree

Happy Birthday to DS Hope he's had a wonderful day

x

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Wannabe. He has been counting the days down to be able to get out and drive. The ex took him for a drive today.

The L plate cake has turned out ok and will likely be demolished by tomorrow!

I've been into work and done a few bits and pieces that I wouldn't have time to do in the week. I popped into Mr T's on the way home and did the weekly shop. Hopefully I'll only have to top up on milk during the week.

Kitten868

Hello lovely lady,

I'm so glad your well. You've been the same as our house with constant illnesses. Just makes January even crueller. Make sure you get one of your walks tomorrow. Clear the cobwebs and brighten your spirits.

I think how you've spent the money is right. It would have been lovely to get some back to your parents and clear some of the windows but you have had a curveball thrown your way and getting everyone to the funeral is much more important.

Sorry about your ex. He is taking advantage of you and the situation. It's not like you've got any energy to face up to him in between being ill, bereaved and desperate for help in the snow. You don't owe him anything for helping you. I'm sure your solicitor said you can change the locks now. I think it would be a good idea and you can have a think about how to tell him. Even if it's a lie and you broke your key in the door because of the cold.

Keep going. You're wonderful xxxx

Busy_Mee1

Hope DS has a lovely birthday. It will really help you with running the other DC around when he has passed his test. When my son passed he loved driving his sister places.......a bit scary though, your entire world in one car !

Cherryfudge

Happy birthday to your DS! I know exactly how Busy Mee1 means about your whole world in one car - but it's such a big thing for them and it does help family life when there's a spare taxi.

The whole gaslighting thing is nasty and pernicious. I don't know how best people can guard against it but you seem to have done well, recognising this is what he's doing and that he'll swear black is white. Are you perhaps holding off changing the locks because of how he'll react?

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Kitten868, Busy Mee and Cherryfudge.

Kitten868- I haven't been out for a walk in weeks and am desperate to get outside and blow those cobwebs away. I've got up early, made 2 lemon drizzle cakes and got the majority of my planning done, so hopefully will have time to get out this afternoon.

Busy Mee, thankfully the vehicle that DS is driving is more van like so he can only ever take 1 passenger. I find that kind of reassuring. He has been working hard to build a dog cage in the back so that his dog can travel safely with him. I'm sure when he passes his test, he'll be off over the moors with his dog so the cage has been a good safety measure for him to develop.

Cherryfudge- You're right, I am concerned about his reactions if I change the locks. DD1 was alone in the house once and didn't want him coming in so she bolted the door ( there's a bolt on the inside to prevent the elderly lurcher from opening the door and letting himself out). He tried the door and then circled the property trying every window in a bid to get in. It terrified her and she ended up hiding in my bedroom and ringing me at work.

I do need to press on and get the consent order sorted out but the difficulties at work are consuming my energy at the moment and is I'm totally honest I am somewhat anxious about his response to mediation and sorting out the house. I have got everything ready for the form except the pension part which I need to ring up about.

I must confess I did buy a bunch of daffodils with the grocery shopping this week. Their cheery presence in the kitchen gives a lift each time I look at them!

Cherryfudge

I love daffodils - I'm planning to invest £1 in a little pot of them this afternoon!

Does your ex keep any of his stuff at your house? If so would it be possible to change this - with an independent witness if possible? I remember you said your DD is afraid of him, which is what made me think there are complications in dealing with him.

I'm not sure how one goes about preventing someone from going near a property but you might need to look into this for your (and her) peace of mind. Also keep a log of things that you think are relevant, partly to strengthen your case, and partly so you can be sure of what's been said and he can't twist things.

Taking the next step is clearly difficult and when work is taking your energy it would be easy just to let it slide but I think it's important to keep nudging it forward. If you think he might be violent, then speak to the Police.

Hoping you have a good day and he doesn't bother you at all!

crazy_cat_lady

The police take behaviour like that very seriously, and if you're willing to go that route they will arrest him if he comes to the house uninvited or tries to get in where he's not wanted.
However, it's a tough decision to make - I know. And it is scary when they are outside your house trying to get in. But as the police told me they are also there to try and prevent crimes rather than just dealing with the aftermath.
Lots of love, it's more stress that you don't need...

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Cherryfudge and CCL...hoping to take some time this half term to complete the form and start getting that sorted.

Glad to have made it to half term. The last 2 weeks have very much been getting through day by day.
My grandmother's funeral was this week. It was as uplifting a service as a funeral can be and interesting to listen to other family members' memories as some things I had forgotten or didn't know! My uncle made quite a profound comment when he said that the older you get the more you realise that the small simple pleasures are what matter. My grandmother loved the simple pleasures of walking and noticing the changing seasons, something she certainly passed onto me. Yesterday I was able to spend time with my mum and brother. We spent it having the kind of day that my grandmother would have loved. We had lunch together in her house and went for one of her favourite walks. The pink outdoor hyacinths were out and I always think the fragrance of a hyacinth is beautiful. We passed 3 or 4 ponds and spent quite a few minutes with the toddler counting the frogs that were in the pond and noticing the huge clumps of frog spawn hidden in the pond weed. It was a lovely afternoon, comforting in the familiarity of the location and the enjoyment of observing the plants around us.

Last night I did no work and simply enjoyed watching Peter Rabbit with the children in front of the fire.

I need to catch up today with menu plans and looking at the budgets. I also have a mountain of laundry to tackle and would also like to get some tomatoes sown. Best get busy...

Cherryfudge

What a wonderful way to remember someone - it's so true that the small, happy things matter. And your part of the country seems to be way ahead of mine, though this beautiful weather is bringing the spring along. Thanks for the reminder about tomatoes