Dads Funeral

BarryBlue

peachyprice wrote: »

Anyone can stand up and speak at a non-religious funeral, it's up to to the family whether they want to do it themselves or have an outsider, like someone from the Humanist society to speak, or indeed have nobody speaking at all, you just have to tell the crem.

I think the church seem to step in at the suggestion of the crem, particularly if it's an older person with very few family members, but it's certainly in no way compulsory, you friend is very wrong indeed.

That is correct. A crematorium provides a function according to law. The ceremony is up to those organising the funeral and you can have whatever you like as far as I'm aware. We had no hymns, just appropriate music. No prayers or religious content whatsoever, just a moment of quiet reflection after the tributes.

I get really annoyed at the way a religious ceremony is seen as the 'default' for funerals even though a small minority follow religion in any active way now. But it is a big money-spinner for them to provide a vicar and so on. It happens in other walks of life, such as some people expect you to have a child christened. Remembrance Day has been hijacked by the church too.

Ames wrote: »

I've been to four funerals at a crem, two were religious two were humanist. In fact, I thought that one of the main reasons for having them at the crem was to avoid religion. The one funeral I've planned, the funeral director wanted us who we wanted to officiate (or whatever the correct term is) and then contacted them for us, that was a humanist. The funeral director already had his contact details. There was no attempt to push religion in at all, although mum didn't have any contact with a church for them to know or be involved.

I'd actually be complaining about a vicar who turns up at a bereaved household and takes over, especially if the deceased didn't have a personal relationship with him/her.

We were asked by the funeral director which vicar we wanted. We said it was a Humanist celebrant who was actually on their list, although I'd spoken to him already to confirm possible dates. We made it quite clear that we wished to have no religious involvement whatsoever, and no vicars came knocking.

Mojisola

peachyprice wrote: »

They have been known to recommend to the grieving family that a cremation 'is best under the circumstances' as they did with my Nan, implying that the cause of death was best dealt with if burned, even though she had a burial plot.

I would have complained about a doctor who did this.

I hope the family ignored the doctor's suggestion.

peachyprice

Mojisola wrote: »

I would have complained about a doctor who did this.

I hope the family ignored the doctor's suggestion.

I would have too. It was my mum and unfortunately she took the 'advice'. She didn't tell me until after when I questioned why we were having a cremation when Nan had a burial plot. TBH, she didn't cope well with the death so I thought it was one of those things best left. It wouldn't have changed anything and my mum would have felt even worse.

But it's made me realise that it's important to let your wishes be emphatically known, I'm sure at the time my Nan thought having a burial plot was enough.

dirty_magic

I wouldn't stress yourself thinking about it now.

I'm an atheist and I couldn't care less what happens when I'm dead. I don't believe there is life after death so it's not like I'm going to know anyway. If my family want a religious funeral because it would comfort them then fair enough. IMO funerals are more about closure for the living than the dead.

I actually wanted to donate my body to science, but if I die young I don't think it would be fair on my family because you can't have a funeral. I might look into it if I make it to a good age; I don't plan on having kids so there won't be a lot of family to care!