Dads Funeral

dee12345_2

Hi, am new so please excuse any mistakes I make. Basically, it's actually too late for me to do anything about my problem but I would like to know if I'd had the chance, could I have done something legally to stop it? My Dad died a few weeks ago, he was an atheist and a very strong one. He had zero tolerance for any religion and told me on many occasions that he did not want a religious funeral. But as soon as he died my elder brother just went ahead and arranged a church funeral even though it had been made clear to him that was not what Dad wanted. He arranged it all behind my back and so quickly that there seemed there was nothing I could do about it. I'm furious tbh, it seems so disrespectful to my Dad, So, now I'm just wondering if I could have stopped my brother from doing this. There was no will or anything but it had been made very clear what Dads wishes were. Thank you for any help.

missbiggles1

Who paid for the funeral?

onlyroz

Were your father's wishes laid down in a notorised document like a will? If they were just verbal wishes then I'm not sure there is much you can legally do unless your mother is still alive, because both you and your brother are at the same level in the "next of kin" hierarchy.

I found some info here (although it is from a site trying to sell funeral plans):

https://www.everplans.com/articles/who-has-the-right-to-make-funeral-decisions

Have you tried talking to your brother or any other relatives?

McKneff

Not anything you can do about it to be honest.

Did you ask your brother why

PasturesNew

There's nothing you can do about it - and you should really "drop it" as it's not something that's worth chewing yourself up about.

If your dad didn't believe, then there's no harm done that he was buried in a church's consecrated ground as, to him, "it's all earth isn't it". And, if there IS "another side" that takes him by surprise he might think "oops", so, again, no harm done.

At least he wasn't super-strong in one set of beliefs and buried entirely "the wrong way" and "in the wrong church/ground".

He's at rest; now it's your turn. Just breathe out. For a non-believer it's not really 'important' - "funerals are for the living, not the dead" some say; your brother probably had peace of mind arranging what he did.

Life now belongs to YOU - and it's important to just accept that some things occurred and you'd wished they'd been different, but they weren't. And, as I said, it's not as if he "missed out on the chance to be buried in the church/yard of his dreams and with the correct religious service".

RIP.

Spendless

dee12345 wrote: »

I would like to know if I'd had the chance, could I have done something legally to stop it? My Dad died a few weeks ago, he was an atheist and a very strong one. He had zero tolerance for any religion and told me on many occasions that he did not want a religious funeral.

You couldn't do anything to stop this but maybe your Dad could have, by putting his wishes in writing, pre-paying for a funeral plan which went through all his wishes, putting what he wanted in a will etc.

In the decade+ I've been on here, I've seen many many despairing posts when relatives have died saying x happened when Mum/Dad/Grandad/Great Aunt Sue etc always said they wanted y to happen instead and when asked more about it, their wish has never been done legally and is why it never happened. It's not enough to verbally inform someone that you want x to happen/not happen. Please put any wishes you have into the correct legal channel. What you can take from this is sort out your own affairs in the accordance you would like, so if you one day would like a religious funeral of the kind that would make the Pope envious, please see to it accordingly and likewise if you'd like the sort that your Dad actually wanted.

Sorry for your loss.

dee12345_2

Insurance.

dee12345_2

Thank you all. Guess I do just have to let go. On a better note, as soon as the holidays are over, I'm taking your advice and sorting out my own arrangements as my religion is particularrly precious to me and I don't want my brother (he's my next of kin now) having any control over what happens.

Torry_Quine

Even though I'm a believer I would respect the wishes of the deceased. Sadly though there is nothing that can be done so you need to try and move on from this.

Mojisola

dee12345 wrote: »

On a better note, as soon as the holidays are over, I'm taking your advice and sorting out my own arrangements as my religion is particularly precious to me and I don't want my brother (he's my next of kin now) having any control over what happens.

If you have your funeral plan in your will or kept with your will, that may not be looked at until after the funeral.

It's best to make your wishes known to several people so that others can challenge the arrangements if they realise they vary from your plan or you could buy a pre-paid funeral with all your wishes laid out.

If your brother - or another relative - decides to ignore your wishes and plan the funeral as they think best, there isn't really any way of stopping them.

Whoever signs the paperwork with the funeral director sets out how the funeral will go.

lika_86

Like others say, it's too late now to change that, but would it perhaps make you feel better to have a small private non-religious ceremony or gathering to pay tribute to your dad and give him the send off he said he wanted?