Family cant afford Christmas

Person_one

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

How about this for traumatising your child : We gave our son an IOU once for his Christmas present.


















(He was 12 at the time, we had explained beforehand why he was getting an IOU, he had small presents off us and large ones from his Grandparents. He was able to 'cash in' his IOU for the thing he wanted which was half price in the January sales. He was quite happy about this and found it quite amusing.)

:rotfl:

I've just wrapped an IOU for a family member (grown up one thankfully!) as their present hasn't arrived in time.

fierystormcloud

Cloudydaze wrote: »

The unspeakable truth is that the child in this type of family is probably well on its way to becoming a chip off the old block. The neglect and emotional abuse will rob them of any childhood innocence from an early age.

I doubt very much that they will hold a special place in their hearts for the kind stranger who gave them a bobble hat and a selection box.

The real tragedy isn't that people aren't prepared to help these children, the tragedy is that they can't.

Person_one wrote: »

Neglect and emotional abuse can, it doesn't solve the problem but kindness from a stranger can definitely help that child there and then and in a way that resonates into their future.

Person_one wrote: »

You'll just have to trust me, kindness and help from outsiders can and does make a difference to children growing up neglected by their dysfunctional parents.

I don't wish to make it sound like I think everybody should be out looking for waifs and strays to take under their wing. In an ideal world every parent would love their children and treat them well, and in a slightly less ideal world the people who run the country would fund things like social work, and health visiting, and pastoral care in schools, and parenting support, and SureStart centres and the like properly so that no unloved or neglected or abused children slip through the cracks and that they are still valued as members of our society.

However, in a less than perfect world, while nobody can go around solving all the social problems of the entire country, its just not true to say there's no point demonstrating kindness to children with crap parents. If you find yourself in that sort of situation then there is a point, you may have a positive impact that they remember all their life.

This ^ :T

I found it quite depressing that someone thinks that a child who is given 'a selection box and a bobble hat by a kind stranger' is never going to ever ever think about that person again. On the contrary, a couple of my sisters had quite a few kids around over the past 10 years, who were neglected by their parents. They fed them some days, took them to the zoo or a theme park, and let them stay til 7pm playing with their own kids.

Several of these children who had parents who didn't give a stuff about them are now 16+ and working at maccy d's for pocket money while they're at college, or they are working at a clothes shop or local store, and they run up to my sisters and give them a hug. 'Hi Mrs C!' they shout!

One girl (now 17,) told my niece that the favourite memories from her childhood were the ones where she was at her house; eating Chinese, watching comedy films, playing Monopoly and Scrabble with the family, and going to the park to play.

Upshot is, it was the kindness of strangers that gave these children a few good and happy memories. So I refuse to believe that being kind to children who may be receiving little or no kindness from their parents has no effect. They will remember you and your kindness.

In addition, my mother always gives the 3 kids across the road gifts for Christmas and each birthday. They have good parents, but very little family. Only their parents, one aunt and cousin, and one nan, and one grandad. So they don't have loads of people getting them stuff. The mother said they love getting little presents from my mother; often it's only a fiver's worth each, but the fact she is kind enough to buy something, and they don't know what they're getting, makes it so exciting and joyous for them.

Finally, although I have great parents (and they always have been,) when I was younger, a lady over the road (who had no children,) used to buy my sisters and I an Easter egg each at Easter. (She also got us selection boxes at Christmas.) Although we had fab parents and good childhoods; it was still so joyous and exciting to get stuff from her! We thought she was wonderful!

When we were grown, all 5 of us regularly visited her until she sadly died in 2013. My sisters took their kids, and the lady loved it, and then spoilt them with stuff too. It made so many people happy, and me and my sisters and nieces and nephews have lovely memories of this sweet lady who was so generous and bought us lovely gifts.

As I said, I can't believe that children who receive kindness from adults will not remember it when they're older. I strongly believe they will, and it will have a positive effect on them.

just_trying

Yes, a positive effect but your slaging a family who have asked for help. Accusing them of this that and the next, the op wife said the amount but husband didn't agree.

You can say you didn't agree with posters word so what, when you're in that situation welcome back, anyone at anytime can fall into benefits does that make them a bad person, no.

Macy d for pocket money well done them.

If you've had the misfortune to be on benefits or will, you will know what it's like, sad,

Lunar_Eclipse

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

To be clear you seem to have interpreted my post as a blanket complaint about how some people are richer than others.
No this is not what I meant. I agree some people are richer than others and no complaints here.

My point was imagine a situation in real life where a real life child in a normal school is living a life with lots of love but No Christmas presents at all. Yes as adults it's no big deal but imagine if you are 7 in the 2016.

I don't know what you mean by projecting. I never had Christmas without either presents Or love but some people I know did and I know this is damaging.

To be clear I'm not saying spend all your money or go into debt (thought this went without saying). I'm just saying don't leave children present-less on Christmas Day.

I don't know if this is in reply to me personally or not - I'm thinking not because it's clear my perspective is not based on wealth vs poverty and I completely understand the points you have made.

But if it is, I absolutely agree that even the poorest people living in this country can afford to give something to their kids for Christmas, even if that something is a free pre loved item, a batch of plain home baked biscuits or a bouquet of flowers picked from the local woods and wrapped beautifully. I do not think that would be cruel or completely unacceptable for a child in 2016. Everyone has limited resources and does what they can / choose to.

Additionally however, regardless of family income level, kids are not born as demanding materialistic beasts and so self centred that they would be damaged for life waking up to no gifts on Xmas morning (although that would indeed be completely unnecessary given easy example suggestions above ...)

I hope the family concerned, and everyone here, had a peaceful and joyful Christmas!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

just_trying wrote: »

Yes, a positive effect but your slaging a family who have asked for help. Accusing them of this that and the next, the op wife said the amount but husband didn't agree.

You can say you didn't agree with posters word so what, when you're in that situation welcome back, anyone at anytime can fall into benefits does that make them a bad person, no.

Macy d for pocket money well done them.

If you've had the misfortune to be on benefits or will, you will know what it's like, sad,

£5 a week from January - June = £130, easy enough to put the presents in the back of the wardrobe over that time. £5 a week from July - November = £100, that's the food sorted. £5 a week is 71p a day (ish), it's not that hard to save that in a week, perhaps by downgrading to Basics Beans or bread.

It worked out OK for me when I was in receipt of benefits - I was ahead with rent, all the bills were paid and they ate well, plus the girls had a fair bit at Christmas and a birthday party/treat every year. And it was before there were cut price retailers of food, so veggies were much more expensive relatively speaking. OK, there wasn't a car to run and we didn't go on fancy holidays, but their clothes were decent and clean, their shoes were good quality and they never, ever, had their mother begging off other people because she hadn't planned for Christmas (which shouldn't come as a surprise to most people, as I believe it happens every December 25th) or something going wrong with the benefits payments.

I hated the vulnerability to benefit delays and mistakes, so I didn't stay on them forever, but it wasn't that bad and that vulnerability was precisely why I made a point of getting ahead with the rent, just by rounding my contribution after Housing Benefit up to the nearest tenner every week - if there had been an problem, I'd have had breathing space as a result of being ahead and there being food in the cupboards.

Even now, when things are extremely tight, as I don't have children at home and the corresponding benefits entitlements, there's only one of us working, no additional income, etc, there are still clothes in the wardrobe, food in the cupboards, more cat food than Pets At Home and I'm still ahead with the housing costs. And nobody went without a Christmas present.

I'm not some perfect prepper or martyr to frugalism, but there is no way on earth I could be persuaded to give somebody I didn't give birth to half my income in a month just for a couple of days' jollities in December because they think having children means they're something special.

Amber_Sunshine

The guy begging outside LIDL had a better phone than I do ...

barbarawright wrote: »

How do you 'just know' this?

Person_one

Amber_Sunshine wrote: »

The guy begging outside LIDL had a better phone than I do ...

Really?

Then he should definitely sell the phone and buy a house with the money, or he could just live in the phone...

Person_one

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

£5 a week from January - June = £130, easy enough to put the presents in the back of the wardrobe over that time. £5 a week from July - November = £100, that's the food sorted. £5 a week is 71p a day (ish), it's not that hard to save that in a week, perhaps by downgrading to Basics Beans or bread.

It worked out OK for me when I was in receipt of benefits

You say it worked out ok for you on benefits, but I'm sure you've posted on here on the past about how difficult it was at times?

Don't forget that benefits have not risen in line with the cost of living for a very long time, and that rents in many places are rocketing out of control so that people are having to 'top up' greater and greater amounts over and above their housing benefit.

People on benefits can't win really, so many people will be ready to criticise them if they have 'spare' money to spend on £100 of Christmas presents and lots of the same people are happy to criticise them if they don't!

Proxima_Centauri

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

£5 a week from January - June = £130, easy enough to put the presents in the back of the wardrobe over that time. £5 a week from July - November = £100, that's the food sorted. £5 a week is 71p a day (ish), it's not that hard to save that in a week, perhaps by downgrading to Basics Beans or bread.

It is very interesting how different people see 'necessities' differently. Clearly the OP was a wind-up post, but talking generally, people simply have to live within their means. Nobody needs £500 for presents and food. I never bother with all the turkey and trimmings, personally, and just eat what I can afford, whether it be Christmas or any other time.

just_trying

Person_one wrote: »

You say it worked out ok for you on benefits, but I'm sure you've posted on here on the past about how difficult it was at times?

Don't forget that benefits have not risen in line with the cost of living for a very long time, and that rents in many places are rocketing out of control so that people are having to 'top up' greater and greater amounts over and above their housing benefit.

People on benefits can't win really, so many people will be ready to criticise them if they have 'spare' money to spend on £100 of Christmas presents and lots of the same people are happy to criticise them if they don't!

Yeah she has, if I remember right from post was struggling to feed herself and partner. Not everyone is rolling in child benefits.

Why has loads of posts been removed anyone.

Probably when she was on benefits she didn't need to pay towards rent, well done you were ahead but when it was the 2 of you have struggled, but have chosen to slag someone who doesn't have much, the op never said what the family asked for . Well done you provided, I've been on benefits and it's not great.