Need sound advice regarding relationship issue / break up

getmore4less

Did I miss where you say where you are living since he kicked you out?

Pollycat

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

I suggest you give it a few days or a week with no contact to give you both an opportunity to think about what you really want.

I think this ^^^ is the best thing for you to do.

It will be really hard given the time of the year but things just may settle down after he's had time - and space - to think about things.

In the meantime, I'd do the same.
Think about whether you really want a future with this man, who sounds quite immature considering he is 11 years older than you.
He's in the habit of asking for his keys back when you have an argument.
He appears to be sulking right now.
He's giving you mixed messages, telling you he loves you then saying you have nothing to talk about.
Do you think things will ever be any better?
Will your jobs become less stressful?

This may be a dealbreaker:
Do you want children?
Does he?

Good luck.

Kanichen

Living together is hard, regardless of the space. My parents have been married 35 years, 28 of them in a huge 4 bed house with double reception rooms etc - plenty of space. But it wasn't enough, they've both changed over the years and after my sister and I moved out they decided to separate. We assumed that meant divorce etc, but no, not at all. They bought separate houses 5 minutes apart and get on better than they have in years! They take turns to go to each other's houses for dinner 3 or 4 times a week, they share the same friendship groups, they'll be having Xmas together. I have no idea if the relationship is romantic but you can't be together that long without being best friends and that is what they are still. The new set up works for them.

So, living separately for a little while while you work out what you both want may not necessarily be a bad thing. Once you've had some space you can then objectively talk about what was hard about living together, and work out if those things can be overcome.

dilemma10

Thanks all - I've moved back with parents but I am all over the place with friends etc as I myself am quite independent and like to do my own thing too. This is proved to be the hardest thing - I work in the East Midlands but my friends are in the West Midlands and my parents live in the East Midlands. As you can imagine, I think I need my own head space too!!!

pphillips

I think your boyfriend hasn't really grown up and until he does there is not much you can do. The issue is not the amount of space but that its his space and he wont share it with you. You cant have a serious relationship with someone who thinks like that.

Primrose

The older one becomes, the more difficult I suspect it is for people to adapt their lifestyles to incorporate the needs and lifestyles of another person. This obviously becomes more difficult when you are both leading stressful lives and tempers are more likely to become fraught over inconsequential matters. I don't know how old your boyfriend is or whether this is the first time he has ever tried living with somebody.


I suspect some time apart is now necessary for him (and you) to think through what exact has been the trigger points for your past arguments, whether they could have been prevented with a little more tolerance on both your parts, or whether long term your personalities are just too incompatible for roof sharing to work.

Kim_kim

dilemma10 wrote: »

Yes, I know, I am furious. In all fairness - all I said to my Dad was that I needed his van to help move stuff out and I stressed at the time not to get involved.

I am completely bereft.

It seems to me that this is now the biggest issue in rectifying the whole saga.

Believe you me - I'll never do it again and usually don't include parents in anything I do.

I don't think it is the biggest issue, but I think you're ex is happy to lay the blame there to make you blame yourself & feel responsible.

He's telling you loud & clear he's not interested, hear him.

Dust yourself off & move on.

dilemma10

Hey guys - am dragging this thread out again as I cannot believe what's happened. So I've managed to sort things out with the other half - however, in the interim and over the weekend my Dad got absolutely bladdered and decided to text me 10 times with a load of disturbing messages about wanting to 'bang him out' as well as write ugly tw.. all over images of us both together on Facebook...and the finale, he sent a threatening text message to him. Just as we were patching everything up. It seems the biggest issue all along has been Dad's involvement - which I've learnt about the hard way.


The problem is - how do I tackle this? He has been vile. Luckily my other half isn't on social media but his friends did tell him about it at the weekend while I wasn't with him. As a result he then went out and also got bladdered and the whole weekend has been a car crash.

Primrose

If you really want to make a go of this relationship I think you all need to grow up. Keep away from your dad and social media and concentrate on trying to repair the damage with your. boyfriend. It'obvious there will never be any love lost between these two key men in your life so only you can decide how you can reconcile living in this manner.
Is your dad behaving like this because he genuinely thinks this man will make you unhappy in the long term?. And is your boyfriend so immature that the only way he can handle disagreements and conflicts is by getting drunk rather than sitting down to have some adult conversations?

I think you really have to crack the answers to these questions otherwise at best you may only enjoy a short term reconciliation.....and then you will still have an ongoing relationship with your father to deal with.

Claire_A87

Report your Dad on Facebook to get the pictures removed (if you haven't already), block your Dad from your social media. Put it in writing (ie text, email, letter) to your Dad stating that whilst you appreciate him and your mum putting you up, you absolutely will not tolerate this vile and abusive invasion of your personal life. You are an adult, you can and will fight your own battles.

Then you need to have a proper chat with your ex about being a united front; a team. His reaction of going out and getting bladdered was immature.