Need sound advice regarding relationship issue / break up

166million

relationships don't have to be this way.
is game playing and tantrums how you want to live your life?

Primrose

It does rather sound that now you have walked out he,s using it as a good opportunity to review how he likes have the space I. His flat to himself and he obviously does. Your father intervening was probably the last straw.

I think you now have to keep your distance and probably accept that it is over u less a last burst of pre Christmas emotion causes him to change his mind. Do you know if he ever paid for the Christmas Paris trip? If he did and he has lost the money that may also be hacking him off. I would just try and keep busy with other things and try to get on with your life without him. If he ever does come back you are both going to have to sit down and learn how to handle the ups and downs of your relationship in a more mature way. But perhaps he is really too set in his independent way to want to change.

AshleyBurf

Communication from the heart is the only way forward. As soon as the ego gets involved then it will all go to pieces.

Vikipollard

Too many red flags here for me.

Arguments about the lack of space - in a space that he sees as HIS, not collectively yours.

Emotional blackmail in asking for the keys back during an argument.

Petulance when you ring the day after - then a text saying regardless of what you think, he actually does love you.

You move out when he is out - why?

You behaving like a primadonna and expecting him to chase you.

Your reaction to aforementioned text.

When you moved out, where did you go to? Are you living with your Dad, or back in the flat you had as his neighbour?

Seriously, I don't think there's a future here. You're both immature in your reactions, and on top of that, he doesn't want to share.

At best, you could return to being bf/gf, but living together is not going to happen, whether you buy a place together or not. Be glad this has happened before you ended up with a mortgage.

onomatopoeia99

Lbuk wrote: »

I think that you need to not live together for a while and whatever that means for your future only time will tell.

Older men who have avoided marriage/children do not change. Ever.

Ever!

I married one, my sister had a child with one and my friend married one. They do the minimum that they have to do to maintain the relationship and if they are decent people they can be prodded into considering your feelings but it never becomes automatic.

They either control you or do without you.

Utter nonsense and a gross generalization.

AshleyBurf

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Utter nonsense and a gross generalization.

Agree...

To swipe down all men in one fell swoop is just unfair to say the least.

All men are individuals and have their own path to take when it comes to relationship and love.

The more conscious ones are trying to learn new ways to love, new ways to communicate, new ways to be the best we can be.

dilemma10

So the only messages he's responded with since my offer of meeting up yesterday were that he was worried my Dad was involved and the things he said - which I am furious about but cannot control, that he felt we argued too much, had stressful jobs and had had a heated year...and 'what is there to talk about'.


I cannot work out if he is just completely sulking about my Dad being involved or what - he said 'don't approach him about it' - I am not sure if that is a good or bad sign.


I am pulling my hair out as we clearly love each other - it's a tense build up of space issues blown up. And now he's gone from messaging on the Wednesday to say he loves me to ignoring my call / messages.


Arrrrrghhhhh.

Pollycat

dilemma10 wrote: »

So the only messages he's responded with since my offer of meeting up yesterday were that he was worried my Dad was involved and the things he said - which I am furious about but cannot control, that he felt we argued too much, had stressful jobs and had had a heated year...and 'what is there to talk about'.

Does your Father have any idea of the trouble he's caused by sticking his oar in?
In your position, I would have left him in no doubt whatsoever that he's possibly messed up my relationship through his interfering - and that in future, he keeps his nose out and his mouth shut.
And maybe think carefully before involving him in your problems.

dilemma10 wrote: »

I cannot work out if he is just completely sulking about my Dad being involved or what - he said 'don't approach him about it' - I am not sure if that is a good or bad sign.

If he doesn't think you and he have anything to talk about, you might never know.
I really think this is a bad sign.
He either wants to end the relationship or is sulking to bring you to heel.

dilemma10 wrote: »

I am pulling my hair out as we clearly love each other - it's a tense build up of space issues blown up. And now he's gone from messaging on the Wednesday to say he loves me to ignoring my call / messages.

Arrrrrghhhhh.

Ignoring your calls and messages doesn't sound to me like he does love you.

onomatopoeia99

I suggest you give it a few days or a week with no contact to give you both an opportunity to think about what you really want.

In the meantime, explain to your dad that his interference was completely counterproductive and inappropriate. Also, seriously think about how much information about your relationships you give out to third parties such as your family in future.

dilemma10

Pollycat wrote: »

Does your Father have any idea of the trouble he's caused by sticking his oar in?
In your position, I would have left him in no doubt whatsoever that he's possibly messed up my relationship through his interfering - and that in future, he keeps his nose out and his mouth shut.
And maybe think carefully before involving him in your problems.


If he doesn't think you and he have anything to talk about, you might never know.
I really think this is a bad sign.
He either wants to end the relationship or is sulking to bring you to heel.


Ignoring your calls and messages doesn't sound to me like he does love you.

Yes, I know, I am furious. In all fairness - all I said to my Dad was that I needed his van to help move stuff out and I stressed at the time not to get involved.


I am completely bereft.


It seems to me that this is now the biggest issue in rectifying the whole saga.


Believe you me - I'll never do it again and usually don't include parents in anything I do.