I'm really alone now

Chlorine7

I have actually got in contact with a girl I used to be good friends with at school - I owed her a message after declining a reunion event. She lives close to where I work so hopefully will meet up in a couple of weeks. Though she is moving back to the school area next month and is not really the going out type but I am happy to be talking to her.

Over 24 hours and not contacted the ex so plus there too for now.

Lunar_Eclipse

Once you've decided to move on, you need to decide how/where you are most likely to meet the type of people you like.

Think about what you like doing and start doing more of it. Putting yourself out there, where you come into contact with more people is the starting point. So whether that's walking, reading, singing, volunteering, going to church, exercising, cycling etc - do more of it, engage with people you cross paths with and relationships will naturally follow. It takes time so don't expect huge changes quickly. But start doing stuff, look back in a year and then two and see how different your life is. Small steps.

One more thing - loads of people feel the same as you! We always think everyone else is happy and more together than we are which is very rarely true.

Lunar_Eclipse

jamiehelsinki wrote: »

Op are you really fussy when it comes to men?

2 in a few years,lol.

I think I must find one in 10 women attractive, probably more.

OP I think this was well intended. I'm happily married, but generally feel the same.

I'm friendly in nature so strike up conversation with strangers easily, from which I develop friendships. I also cross paths with people who are 'attractive' most days, which is not to say I'd find it easy to develop a romantic relationship with any of them (I'm not trying to obviously), but men are generally quite attractive I think. Doesn't take much more than a great smile for me. :rotfl:

Lunar_Eclipse

Judi wrote: »

Its amazing how many people i get to talk to (male and female) just by taking the dogs a walk. Someone's dog (usually off the lead) comes up to greet my two cavaliers. I then have to explain why the one cries like a baby (she doesnt like dogs other than her 'sister'). I regularly met a man coming in the opposite direction with his Westie. We used to stop, have a fuss of each others dogs and go on our way. Conversation would have been easy but i didnt want to come over too friendly.

Yep, THIS is how I meet most people.

SailorSam

gabriel1980 wrote: »

All these responses regarding social clubs and volunteering (ridiculous) are nonsense. Get yourself on a dating app and start shooting off emails to everyone in your area, you'll have a boyfriend in no time!


Don't take up a new hobby or do stupid activities like all these idiots are recommending.

How old are you Gabriel ? You sound very young.
Go and have a read of the forums on any of these dating sites, and you'll find page after page of posts from people, both men and women complaining 'cos there are so many inconsiderate people on these sites, people don't answer your messages or suddenly disappear. It takes many many hours of searching to find even a possible. It's like kids in a toffee shop that can never make their minds up.

Chlorine7

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Once you've decided to move on, you need to decide how/where you are most likely to meet the type of people you like.

Think about what you like doing and start doing more of it. Putting yourself out there, where you come into contact with more people is the starting point. So whether that's walking, reading, singing, volunteering, going to church, exercising, cycling etc - do more of it, engage with people you cross paths with and relationships will naturally follow. It takes time so don't expect huge changes quickly. But start doing stuff, look back in a year and then two and see how different your life is. Small steps.

One more thing - loads of people feel the same as you! We always think everyone else is happy and more together than we are which is very rarely true.

That is good advice but it's a lot easier said than done for me and people like me. I am not going to just suddenly start chatting to a random person reading, running, cycling simply because we might be doing the same thing, it's a bit weird. I'm also not going to rush out and buy a dog that I cannot give the full care and attention it deserves.

The hobby idea (though I'm still to decide what I might like) and going to a meetup/social group a few times is the best route as it gives context to speaking with someone, which is why I can make friends when I travel. I'm guessing this is where you were trying to get too with your suggestions.

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

OP I think this was well intended. I'm happily married, but generally feel the same.

I'm friendly in nature so strike up conversation with strangers easily, from which I develop friendships. I also cross paths with people who are 'attractive' most days, which is not to say I'd find it easy to develop a romantic relationship with any of them (I'm not trying to obviously), but men are generally quite attractive I think. Doesn't take much more than a great smile for me. :rotfl:

It was not well intended. That's lucky for you both you are often attracted to people but attraction is personal and I doubt I would be attracted to those same people. I can't and won't force myself to like more people than I do simply because someone else finds more than 1 in 10 women attractive.

indiepanda

OP, I am sorry to hear you are feeling all alone. I have some sense of what that is like - 10 years ago I was your age, single, all my friends were married, mostly with babies, and I had moved to a different county so I didn't see them that often. The height of my social life locally was going to my neighbours for dinner - and lovely though they were, they had children older than I.

I decided to take the bull by the horns and made some dramatic changes to my life, moved to London, joined a social club (spice), went to gigs with people I had got to know on a fan forum for the band, made friends via a local internet forum and met quite a few friends overseas on holiday that I've kept in touch with back here. I am now busier socially than I was in my 20s and with a wider circle of friends.

I understand you don't want to go as far as buying a dog to meet people, but insisting it's weird to chat to people with shared interests or that meetups are cliquey isn't going to get you far. You sound on the reserved side - but that doesn't have to stop you from making friends.

I am still naturally on the reserved side (you won't find me the noisiest at any party). When I was younger I would have been described as shy and I really believed that making new friends was hard. But that attitude wasn't giving me the life I wanted and so I had to change and it was definitely worth it.

Yes, it isn't that easy walking into a room of people who already know each other (and I've done that in multiple different scenarios) but my experience is if I choose to believe that most people are nice and will respond in a friendly way if I talk to them, it usually turns out I am right.

Good luck x

OldMotherTucker

Op - I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship but I would like company and stimulation besides from just going to work!

Get a life! they say, but it's not that easy!

I don't even know what I like doing anymore so I procrastinate and put off joining any groups!

Chlorine7

indiepanda wrote: »

I understand you don't want to go as far as buying a dog to meet people, but insisting it's weird to chat to people with shared interests or that meetups are cliquey isn't going to get you far. You sound on the reserved side - but that doesn't have to stop you from making friends.

I didn't say (or at least didn't mean) to say talking to people with shared interests is weird but randomly talking to people who are going for a run or cycle or reading a book is odd. Would you just wave someone running down to talk to them?

Meetups can be cliquey. That didn't stop me from talking to people but it did hold me back from feeling like I wanted to go again and it has been pointed out that it takes a few meetings that way you become a familiar face. I have accepted that.

Chlorine7

OldMotherTucker wrote: »

Op - I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship but I would like company and stimulation besides from just going to work!

Get a life! they say, but it's not that easy!

I don't even know what I like doing anymore so I procrastinate and put off joining any groups!

Completely agree, sometimes I don't know what I like doing and I procrastinate too. I have tried a few things like sewing, exercise classes in the past but it is hard to figure out what I might truly enjoy.