I'm really alone now

cyantist

Do citysocializer have a group in your city?
They have new members evenings which can be a little less intimidating (and less cliquey) than meetups in my experience. You do have to pay to join up but it was worth it and after a few months of attending these events I started hosting them, which means you don't have to pay membership and I got to set up things I was interested in. I think my first year here would have been awful without all these events I went to and the people I met.
It's not easy though. I moved to a completely new city where I knew no-one and while I was fairly good at going out, trying new activities and being sociable I was terrible at turning any of that into meaningful friendships. I had to really make an effort when I met someone who I got on with to suggest meeting for coffee or drinks another time, or just getting their details to stay in touch. Socialising websites help though as you can add the people you meet as contacts and then get in touch with them later and most of the people are there specifically to make new friends.
I now have a few good friends and several other people I'll meet up with for lunch occasionally who I met this way.

Knightsuntold

Chlorine7 wrote: »

I read this last night before going to bed and it made me smile. I kind of know these things but it helps to hear it from someone else. Thank you.

I do hope as feelings get less, I'll feel more for someone else eventually.

I did actually use social media to meet a friend I hadn't seen since uni while I was away recently and she gave me some incredible advice which I think prompted me to realise it was time to attempt to walk away from him.

I do work and I for drinks with a few guys after work sometimes but it's always just me and a bunch of men in the pub. As much as I enjoy this, I sometimes I miss bars and dancing with my girlfriends.



I love this idea.

No problem at all - sometimes if someone else says it, and you identify with it, it hits home in a different way.

I swear to you that the feelings get less. When I split with my main ex, I didn't think I'd ever get over it. Friends said all the usual supportive friend things, and I thought 'rubbish - you couldn't have loved them as much as I love him.' I really couldn't have imagined life without him, and, more to the point, I didn't want to. The reality is that you do get over it and you do move on. There are some that will always leave you with a little pang of regret when you see them, or their name is mentioned, but by then, you could well have something that means so much more to you. I wasted a lot of time, thinking that was never possible.

Oi! Less of the attempt! You can, and you will do this. The reality is that he's not the person you thought he was, for whatever reason. It's time to put yourself first, draw a line under that, and start looking for your new life, with people that deserve you.

Yeah, there's a huge difference between nights out with the lads, and nights out with the girls. Do the lads you work with know what you're going through, or is it not that kind of working relationship? I only ask, because one of my male friends had a sister in the same boat. We did quite a bit of social stuff for a year or so - never be best mates, but it got us both out of the house. In the end, I just went out with the lads, and carried on with them when they went to meet their friends and girlfriends. That was how I made my new circle of friends.

gabriel1980

All these responses regarding social clubs and volunteering (ridiculous) are nonsense. Get yourself on a dating app and start shooting off emails to everyone in your area, you'll have a boyfriend in no time!


Don't take up a new hobby or do stupid activities like all these idiots are recommending.

Chlorine7

gabriel1980 wrote: »

All these responses regarding social clubs and volunteering (ridiculous) are nonsense. Get yourself on a dating app and start shooting off emails to everyone in your area, you'll have a boyfriend in no time!


Don't take up a new hobby or do stupid activities like all these idiots are recommending.

Something you tells me you like saying inflammatory things and just want an argument.

System

Its amazing how many people i get to talk to (male and female) just by taking the dogs a walk. Someone's dog (usually off the lead) comes up to greet my two cavaliers. I then have to explain why the one cries like a baby (she doesnt like dogs other than her 'sister'). I regularly met a man coming in the opposite direction with his Westie. We used to stop, have a fuss of each others dogs and go on our way. Conversation would have been easy but i didnt want to come over too friendly.

Tiddlywinks

gabriel1980 wrote: »

All these responses regarding social clubs and volunteering (ridiculous) are nonsense. Get yourself on a dating app and start shooting off emails to everyone in your area, you'll have a boyfriend in no time!

Don't take up a new hobby or do stupid activities like all these idiots are recommending.

The OP doesn't just need a boyfriend though - go back and read her posts.

She is looking for a more rounded lifestyle with friends and interests. The love interest is a 'nice to have' not an absolute need.

DigForVictory

The volunteering bit is a reliable way to meet folk, and if you are really feeling alone, join Scouts. It's an enormous family, you do not *have* to spend time with hordes of young folk (although their energy tops up yours in my experience) & it's usually pretty local (to start with).

jamiehelsinki

Op are you really fussy when it comes to men?

2 in a few years,lol.

I think I must find one in 10 women attractive, probably more.

Chlorine7

jamiehelsinki wrote: »

Op are you really fussy when it comes to men?

2 in a few years,lol.

I think I must find one in 10 women attractive, probably more.

Good for you. Would you like a gold star?

Vampgirl

When my mum was on her own she said pretty much the same kind of thing....she wanted to find new friends and socialise rather than dating. She joined an organisation called Spice (http://www.spiceuk.com) which are a nationwide kind of social club - I understand they have local social meetups and organise activities (its easier to meet new people if you're "doing" something). I know she has made some really good friends through Spice - maybe have a look to see if there's one in your area?