Long Relationship + short marriage - why?

tea_lover

I don't think the OP is worrying, just musing about life in general?

FBaby

Perhaps getting married was supposed to 'fix' an already dodgy relationship?

Definitely this. I have had relations where they were pondering whether to stay or go because they felt that they had grown apart. Then they have a huge argument or discussion, realise that there is still love, rekindle the passion, fall in love again which leads them to decide to marry -because they should have done so many years ago- and then when the whole excitement is over, they are back to where they were, not much left in common and this time they know there is no point in trying again.

Fireflyaway

I have wondered this too. We were together 7 years before we got married for the same reason of just not getting round to it. I think maybe it suddenly dawns on one or maybe both partners that its the end of their single life and they panicked. Maybe though if they are planning a wedding it gives them something to work on together but once its over they realise being married isn't as exciting as they hoped?!

krlyr

Or they would have broken up after 19 years anyway, but it just seemed more 'notable' because they'd not long been married?

lippy1923

I've been with my man for just over 10 years. I was "seeing" him for 4 years, engaged for 5 years and now married for just over 1 year. Why did we wait? We did things a bit backwards. We brought our first house, had a child and then got married. Maybe more couples are doing things the "not so traditional way"


He proposed on my 21st birthday not long after we moved into our house so it took a while to save for the big day we wanted. Then baby came along, so mat leave and childcare dipped into savings as well. It took some time after DS was born to save and plan the special day we wanted, but it was well worth the wait


We are both still very happy, so hopefully a long marriage is on the cards.

catkins

I also know a few couples who got married after quite a few years together but then divorced quickly. One of OH's cousins was with her boyfriend for 15 years (they didn't live together) before they married. Their marriage lasted 6 months. Friends of ours were together for 12 years and their marriage lasted less than 2 years.

We did it the opposite way. We got married 5 months after meeting (we didn't live together) and have been happily married for 36 years

TBagpuss

I think, as others have said, that in a lot of caes t may be that the relationship was already in dificulties and that etting married was something that the copuple(or one of them) subconsciously expected to change or improve things.

depending on the type of wedding, you can also get a situation wehre people get very involved in planning the wedding and honeymoon etc and then when it is over they don't have that shared interest any more!

I do thin kthe reasons why people delay getting married in the fost place probably make a big difference, too - for instnace, if the marriage took place because one person wanted it and the other was 'worn-down' or did it to keep them happy, then the that second partner may feel quite resentful, or trapped.

I think the other thing is that it is more noticeable - people split up all the time, and after all sorts of lengths of relationships and marriages, it's just that it sticks out when someone gets divorced very soon after the marriage took place.

Malthusian

One glib answer would be that if two people were in a relationship for 15+ years and neither of them popped the question in that time there was probably a very good reason they didn't.

I'm not saying that this applies to the OP or the others who kept delaying marriage for financial reasons but it clearly applies to some, including those who are stringing along Mr/Mrs Right because they think Mr/Mrs Perfect is round the corner.

System

ska_lover wrote: »

when folks are married, it becomes more official and therefore more suffocating.

it shouldnt be.:(

Gloomendoom

Judi wrote: »

it shouldnt be.:(

I'd wager it isn't for most married couples.

Perhaps somebody had a bad experience.