Should I end it....

Mojisola

balletshoes wrote: »

I also think, in the circumstances, that you should have a conversation with your boyfriend and ask him what he envisages your marriage and family life will be like with children in the mix, with his family the way they are?

With cross-cultural or cross-religion relationships you really can't assume anything, you need to ask the questions

I think this is vital - and you also need to be prepared for his commitment to his religion to increase as he grows older.

It doesn't happen to everyone but the parental pressure can wear people down and they become more observant; sometimes religious feelings increase when a couple have children and decisions have to made about their upbringing and schooling.

eamon

I imagine that his family is south asian. Marrying outside famial noms is frought with difficulty. They don't know you, dowry etc all very complicated.

catkins

JReacher1 wrote: »

Seems a bit strange this. You claim you love him and it seems like he is nothing but affectionate to you. However because he has an overbearing mother you think you should leave him.

It doesn't seem like enough of a reason to break up with someone you claim you love.

Well I put up with an overbearing MIL for years and this situation sounds far worse so, yes, I can see why she is thinking of breaking up.

I didn't have the religion problem plus my OH was always totally on my side and eventually had nothing to do with his mother

JReacher1

catkins wrote: »

Well I put up with an overbearing MIL for years and this situation sounds far worse so, yes, I can see why she is thinking of breaking up.

I didn't have the religion problem plus my OH was always totally on my side and eventually had nothing to do with his mother

The difference is you had to put up with your mother in law. The OP's never met hers and I doubt she ever will.

Bogof_Babe

It's not just his mother, it's his whole background that is at odds with the OP's outlook on life.

If it were me I wouldn't even have got past the first date, but each to their own.

JReacher1

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

It's not just his mother, it's his whole background that is at odds with the OP's outlook on life.

If it were me I wouldn't even have got past the first date, but each to their own.

You wouldn't have a date with someone because they come from a Muslim background?

All this guy has is a mother who is angry that her son isn't a practising Muslim. I don't see why that is a reason not to date someone.

He just needs to be stronger and stand up to his family. If the OP offers the compassionate support he needs then I am sure things will work out well.

SuzieSue

JReacher1 wrote: »

He just needs to be stronger and stand up to his family. If the OP offers the compassionate support he needs then I am sure things will work out well.

I don't think he will ever be able to do that. If I was the OP, I would leave him as it is very difficult to fight people who are fanatical about their religion and are so intolerant. You cannot reason with them because they will be of low intelligence.

The OP will have to put up with this until his mother dies which could be a very long time. I certainly would not want to do this. If the OP wants children it will get much much worse.

Andrew_Ryan_89

Leave him as soon as. His family sound quite militant and there is a good chance someone will be seeking to "honour kill" you when the relationship gets more serious.

DigForVictory

Might a visit from a reasonably liberal imam reassure both you & his mum? The Muslim faith has great difficulty accepting that not everyone born Muslim feels or wants to be Muslim - and a shrewd tolerant pragmatic imam may go a long way to building bridges that he's prepared to accept & be able to be gently compassionate with his mother that at last he's now doing X.

Worth sticking with it, and seeing if there is anywhere you could mutual common ground.

However, rewarding bullying - nope. Mum, imam or the perfect guy? Either appreciate you exactly as you are, or you have a solid reason to walk.

JReacher1

SuzieSue wrote: »

I don't think he will ever be able to do that. If I was the OP, I would leave him as it is very difficult to fight people who are fanatical about their religion and are so intolerant. You cannot reason with them because they will be of low intelligence.

The OP will have to put up with this until his mother dies which could be a very long time. I certainly would not want to do this. If the OP wants children it will get much much worse.

I'm not sure about the "low intelligence" comment. Just because someone is very devout does not make them stupid. It's actually quite an offensive comment.

This thread seems to have brought the worst out in some posters!