Advice for alcoholic...

Person_one

ohreally wrote: »

Update: BIL was discharged home a few weeks ago, straight back into former cycle of drinking.

No support package in place, no-one seems to want to become involved.

I'm sorry to hear that, very sad and your wife must be very upset about it.

Unfortunately, as everybody has explained earlier in the thread, there is very little that professionals can do in this situation.

Focus on looking after your wife and yourself and let your BIL know that if he ever wants help and support to change his situation that he has only to ask, that's all you can do really.

Pop_Up_Pirate

ohreally wrote: »

Surely the point of an intervention is to step in when an individual is unable to exercise control over their diminishing welfare and put in place a care plan to move events away from further detriment.

My wife feels unable to sit back while the situation implodes.

Your wife needs to step back and realise that she cannot control what other people want to do.
Alcoholics very rarely get sectioned because it's a waste of time and resources.
If an alcoholic is sectioned, yes he will detox, yes he might go to a few counselling sessions, yes he will get sober enough to think straight.
But chances are, as soon as he's out, he will drink again.

That's because alcoholics have to want to change. It can't be forced on them.
They don't think rationally, or reasonably....even if they are sober for 6 months unless its a situation they WANT, that soberness means nothing.

Your wife could very well be thinking "If he could just get sober, he will see whats what and everything will be fine" If only if were so simple, then 1000;s and 1000's of women (and men) would never have to suffer the vicious circle of abuse that comes with being with an alcoholic.

The only thing that helps an alcoholic is the Alcoholic himself...nothing else. Not doctors, nurses, counsellors, friends, spouses, children, specialists...noone

There is nothing you can do except step back and stop trying to control.

Go to Al-anon. they can help with this as they help to change you, not the alcoholic.

[Deleted User]

I have a father with parkinsons (no dependency on alcohol or anything) but he is neglecting himself and refusing any help. He can get quite nasty if I try to talk things through with him.

So I try to do what little I can to support him. I am going round tomorrow with loads of batch made food so its there if he wants it.

I can't make him accept help, but I can try to keep his home clean and him fed. But I can't even force him to eat the food.

Then I try to walk away feeling like I have done what I can, even though I know his life could be completely different (easier). That's his choice and I can't change it.

ohreally

BIL found dead this afternoon.

RIP

beluga

Sorry to hear that
Condolences to you and your family. x

Supernatural

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Which BIL? Hope it'll be a wake up call to the other but sadly I suspect not

ohreally

supernatural wrote: »

which bil?

bil "a".
...

Supernatural

That's a shame, hope your wife is holding up ok

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

ohreally wrote: »

bil "a".
...

Sorry to hear that.

Please take care to protect your wife as much as possible from the inevitable demands of the remaining brother when she's likely to be so vulnerable. If nobody is there to provide him with funds/assistance with obtaining funds/food/bills paid, then it *might* be that he realises there is no choice but to seek medical help to stop. And if he doesn't, well, that's his decision - nothing to do with the bereavement, nothing to do with people not stepping in to make all the bad stuff go away, nothing to do with anything else but his choices and actions.

System

My condolences.

I hope this is the wake up call the surviving BIL needs. My Son (an alcoholic) decided to go into detox when he found his friend (another alcoholic) dead in his bed.

It was the wake up call my Son needed.