Advice for alcoholic...

Top_Girl

All you can do, is detach as best as you can, whilst making it clear you'll help if they want to get clean.

My brother drank himself to death. He died aged 31. I washed my hands of him 7 years before that, when he threatened to firebomb my home. He didn't want to stop drinking. He broke both ankles once and had to spend 6 weeks in hospital and had to dry out as nobody would take him alcohol in. He got out and was back on it within days.

I hope for your sake Brother A wakes up to what is happening and makes the change. I fear Brother B is a lost cause.

ohreally

Surely the point of an intervention is to step in when an individual is unable to exercise control over their diminishing welfare and put in place a care plan to move events away from further detriment.

My wife feels unable to sit back while the situation implodes.

Top_Girl

ohreally wrote: »

Surely the point of an intervention is to step in when an individual is unable to exercise control over their diminishing welfare and put in place a care plan to move events away from further detriment.

My wife feels unable to sit back while the situation implodes.

You cannot make someone stop drinking. They're not breaking a law or protected under any act, whether they're incapable or not. Bar getting them sectioned, which is nigh on impossible in cases of alcoholism, or locking them up, there is nothing you can do.

It's horrible. But until either brother wants to be helped, you cannot help them.

KRB2725

You might want to get in touch with Al-anon, they can offer advice & support to your wife.

As others have said though, the only person that can decide to get sober is the addict themselves. If they're not motivated to do it then it's simply not going to happen.

Your wife cannot fix this, I would try and get her the help and support she needs to understand and accept this.

Person_one

ohreally wrote: »

Surely the point of an intervention is to step in when an individual is unable to exercise control over their diminishing welfare and put in place a care plan to move events away from further detriment.

My wife feels unable to sit back while the situation implodes.

If somebody has the mental capacity to make their own decisions, no matter how bad those decisions may be, and they are not a danger to others, nobody else has the right to force them to do anything or to take their right to their autonomy from them.

Mental capacity is tested by determining whether an individual can A. understand information relevant to the decision, B. Retain the information long enough to make a decision, C. Weigh the information provided in order to make a decision and D. Communicate their decision.

Its rare that somebody could be deemed not to have mental capacity just because they are drinking themselves to death, sadly. In the later stages the brain can be affected to the point that capacity may be lost, but if the brother can still hold a reasonably rational conversation, refuse help, and then remember the conversation the next day, then all your wife can realistically do is ensure that her brother knows she is ready to support and help him if he ever wants her to, and take care of herself and her own mental health and wellbeing through this difficult situation.

stormbreaker

ohreally wrote: »

My wife feels unable to sit back while the situation implodes.

As several have said, unfortunately she needs to for her own well being. Again as has been said there is some help and support for families dealing with alcoholics.

http://www.sfad.org.uk

sweetbabu

I do not envy you your position; however I have to echo the posters who have said that there is no helping people who are in the grasp of such an addiction UNLESS they want to he helped

In my experience, all you can do is be there for them (although expect no thanks) and obviously (as I know you want be) don't enable them.

elsien

ohreally wrote: »

Surely the point of an intervention is to step in when an individual is unable to exercise control over their diminishing welfare and put in place a care plan to move events away from further detriment.

My wife feels unable to sit back while the situation implodes.

That depends on the situation. You can't force a care plan on someone who understands the risks they are running and chooses to take them anyway.
So, for example, the care plan says one visit a day to support with xyz. Brother B makes sure he's never in at the time that visit is arranged.
The care plan arranges regular visits to the recovery team/psychologist. . Brother never turns up to the apppointments.
Care plan helps brother B to find supported accommodation. The rules say no drinking. He continually drinks, causes trouble and gets evicted.
Do you see the difficulties if someone has capacity and is determined to not co-operate?
If he (for example) develops alcohol related dementia and loses capacity then it would be different. But otherwise until he accepts the problem and asks for help and engages with services there is little anyone can do.
I feel for you and your wife, but sometimes it really is sitting and waiting to pick up the pieces when the person is finally ready.

ohreally

Update: BIL was discharged home a few weeks ago, straight back into former cycle of drinking.

No support package in place, no-one seems to want to become involved.

suki1964

ohreally wrote: »

Update: BIL was discharged home a few weeks ago, straight back into former cycle of drinking.

No support package in place, no-one seems to want to become involved.

Unfortunately,unless he's ready to admit there's a problem and chooses to ask for help, there is no help

I have to echo the others who have suggested Al Anon for you and your wife. There you will be supported