3k debt

Sadsmiler

It's with such a heavy heart I'm having to write this thread. A few years ago I managed to get myself in 8k debt. It was me being young and very very stupid getting pay day loans to see me through and it just ended being such a mess.I made such a mess. I typically buried my head in the sand. Until I met my perfect boyfriend with a perfect credit file. In time I told him about the debt, without being entirely honest. Hr works in finance and is so critical of people bein jn debt. He just don't understand. His always been wise with his money. So much so that he wants to buy a house. For both of us. Due to the property market he wants me to get a joint mortage with me. He knows my credit is bad. But he thinks it might help get a higher mortage. He thinks I have no more debt. Truth is I Ower 3 k. My sister got married in august 16 and a lot of it went there. I thought I had everything under control. I work 2 jobs 6 days a week. 16 hours days. I give him my full time wage to save towards the house and barely manage with the rest but can afford to pay 100 a month towards these debt along with the rest of my bills. He wants to see my credit file and attempt to get a joint mortage but I am terrifed to tell him about what I owe. I'm paying on time and incurred no charges but that won't matter. I'm acared I'm sabotaging our whole future together. Please help me. He thinks I don't want the house and his mad at me. How can I tell him? He will think I'm irresponsible but I'm so much wiser with money. It's just the fact I use my credit card and take on interest. Worse thing is he offered to pay my debt off or borrow me money 2 yes ago but I sorted myself out without help. Now I'm here stuck again. What do I do? Please help

dirtycredit

How can you pay the debt off if you are giving him all of your money to save for the house? He can't have it both ways.

Sounds like he's going to find out one way or the other so you might as well tell him about the 3k, pay it off with the savings and then you can go on the mortgage with no debts and get a bigger mortgage. He might get p*ssed off but if you say you'll get rid of the cards (and do) and let him do the budgeting in the future it might calm him down a bit.

Good luck!

DC x

Dobbibill

If he is the 'perfect boyfriend' then he should understand.

His judgmental attitude towards debt has probably contributed to you not telling him everything about the debt. He doesn't realise that many people find themselves in debt because of 'bad luck'. Admittedly this is not everyone. This doesn't let you off the hook though, you should have been honest.

While you are giving him all your wages, he is saving towards a house but that is not what you want/need your money to be doing for you. Clearing debts first is going to be better and save you on the interest you are paying which you could have previously paid off using the said wages.

You need to stop handing the money over and take responsibility for all your commitments yourself whether this is paying debt and/or saving towards a mortgage.

Your CR will show your history of lending for 6 yrs so you have to be honest.

If he walks away then he really wasn't that 'perfect' after all.

enthusiasticsaver

First of all you need to prioritise paying off your debt above saving which means taking back control of your wages. Second of all you need to be honest with your boyfriend and tell him about the £3k and tell him you have paid off £5k. Go on Noddle and see what your credit record shows. If you have not defaulted then it may not be as bad as you think and need not necessarily mean you cannot get a mortgage.

Prove to yourself and your boyfriend that you have learnt from your previous mistakes and stop burying your head in the sand.

sourcrates

Funny I was married 12 years and never once was my credit file mentioned by my now ex wife !!

Perfect boyfriend ? Really ?

AllyMac

He's supposed to be your boyfriend, not your dad!

You definitely need to look at your approach to money if you'll go £3K in debt for a wedding - but also if you'll just hand over most of your income (whether you can afford to or not, and you can't) to your boyfriend!

Post an SOA, take control for yourself with ideas and support on here. Then decide whether you want to be tied via a house purchase to a man you're scared of.

Grumpelstiltskin

OK To me he sounds to be the typical controlling person, and when will control become abuse?

Stand back and are you sure he is perfect?

If you are prepared to show him your credit file then insist he shows you his,but are you sure this is the sort of relationship you want?

AngiBear

Firstly can I just say well done on reducing your debt from 8k to 3k, thats quite an achievement.

Secondly, in my opinion, your boyfriend should be a bit more understanding of your situation regardless of how he manages his money. We are all individuals and all have differing circumstances in the way in which we accumulated our debts.

My boyfriend also works in Financial Services, I won't mention the company as I will be slagged off as its not well like on here but he knows that I am in debt and has been nothing more than supportive and understanding and has helped me reduce my debt and listened to me when some months I feel like I have no money at all.

I understand that you want a house with this 'perfect' boyfriend but in all honesty him controlling your money at the moment does not seem right or fair, I would worry that this behaviour would keep continuing into you sharing a house with him and you would have to justify every penny that you spend in the future and that is not a healthy relationship, in my opinion.

If your boyfriend is 'the one' ask him for his help in another way. Sit down and be honest yourself, tell him about your 3k debt and tell him that you still want to save for a house but that you really want to reduce this debt too before you become homeowners as you will then have more bills when you start running a home and most of those bills you may not have saved for in advance. If your boyfriend is the person you want him to be he will listen, understand and maybe use the skills he uses in his work to help you both plan for getting rid of your debt AND also save for your home together.

I can only use your circumstances and compare them with my own but I know that I could talk to my boyfriend about my debt and he does not judge me either. I hope you get on okay and these are only my thoughts on your situation. Take care and I hope everything works out for both of you.

EssexHebridean

As Angibear says - congratulations on dealing with so much of your debt already.

I'm going to echo what others have said. You're "terrified" of telling this guy something that is such a major part of your life...yet you're looking to throw in your lot with him and make a committment like buying a house? If you'd said you felt "ashamed" to tell him, rather than that you were worried about how he would react to it, that would have painted a very different picture...

How much money of yours does he currently have in the house savings? Is that a joint account with you named on it as well?

I agree with others also on the point of you needing to take back control - in fact take back the money of yours he already has - it makes more sense for you at this stage to use that to nuke the debt - you can then start afresh.

MrsTinks

Married for quite a bit and whilst I know of all his debts and he of all mine then I would certainly never just hand over my wages to anyone else!!! Joint control finances is one thing - no control is waaaaay bad!

You realize that you may struggle to prove any of that money you have forked over is yours right? So whilst you're not married you've pretty much gifted him every one of your paychecks...

Be honest - tell him about the debt, there should be enough in your savings to clear this and start working as a partnership. There should NEVER be fear in a relationship - NEVER

EssexHebridean

Just a thought OP - try to get something from him BEFORE you tell him about the debt confirming how much money of yours he holds. A text would be ideal. Also check back on your own records so that you have an idea whether the figure he gives you is correct. I hate to be cynical, but a point above is very true. You have handed over your money to a man you're scared of. To me, that's not good.

DON'T let him pay off your debt, and definitely don't let him borrow money on your behalf - I can't even see why he would have suggested that as any sort of good idea anyway! Do you mean he offered to borrow money at a lower interest rate to pay off your debt?