A tricky situation

seven-day-weekend

How embarrassing for the poor lady.

Although, she's 63, younger than me. I would know if I had wet myself. I can't understand why she does not have the correct thickness of pad. However, if she understands the problem, then that is her choice, for whatever reason.

I do think sitting on fold-up chairs in her house is a bit insulting. If you don't like it, move on, you don't have to live there.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

I'd feel I'd failed as a daughter if my mother was living in this sort of state- it must be desperately uncomfortable to be sitting in cold, wet clothing, being rubbed raw no doubt.

Your partner needs to have a serious chat with his father about the mother's health and future needs. NOT framed in the context that the smell is causing you inconvenience, but because she has long term health problems (diabetes and still smoking !!!!!!) that need to be addressed before they get even worse. She's due to have a major operation- have they made any plans for how she's going to be looked after while recovering if the father doesn't acknowledge there's any kind of problem?

The son needs to man up and face the gravity of the situation, and get the father onside.

And then you should be planning to move out, but staying supportive.

AylesburyDuck

I feel sorry for the lady but only to certain degree, i'm not religious, but as my old mum used to say the lord helps those that help themselves.
With incontinence products these days i fail to see how anyone would not use them, they are discrete, and certainly more discrete then denial and stinking the place out.
The lady is also diabetic, so a good GP could prescribe these for her and they are free because she is excempt.
Has anybody also though of the damage she could be doing healthwise because of her diabetes, if shes not keeping herself clean then sores/infection will not be far away.
I'm sorry, but shes a full grown woman, and i agree with another poster, cat footing around the issue doesnt do her any favours.

System

peachyprice wrote: »

And that's what you would do if it were your mother? You wouldn't want to get her any help?

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

BrassicWoman

move out. nothing else will help.

sheramber

As a type 2 diabetic she should be having regular appointments with her diabetic nurse for blood test etc.

I can't see a nurse not being aware of the situation if it as bad as claimed and she would surely take some action.

Of course a nurse may have tried but if the MIL does not wish to accept help or advice nobody can force her.

Pollycat

peachyprice wrote: »

Oh, come on, you think it's normal for a 63yo woman to be in denial about peeing herself? Would you be happy if that were your mother? Would you just sit back and do nothing and let her carry on peeing herself and covering the house with pee? I know I wouldn't, I'd want to get her help, even if my dad refused to acknowledge a problem.

The woman is 63, she's going to lose all her friends, she's going to be ostracised by her neighbours as the mad lady who smells of pee, all because her family tiptoed around her.

If the OP is to be believed.........:cool:

thorsoak

peachyprice wrote: »

Oh, come on, you think it's normal for a 63yo woman to be in denial about peeing herself? Would you be happy if that were your mother? Would you just sit back and do nothing and let her carry on peeing herself and covering the house with pee? I know I wouldn't, I'd want to get her help, even if my dad refused to acknowledge a problem.

The woman is 63, she's going to lose all her friends, she's going to be ostracised by her neighbours as the mad lady who smells of pee, all because her family tiptoed around her.

If it were me, and was as bad as described by the OP, I'm pretty sure that one of my friends would have told me, and helped me to try to get things sorted.

OP, you are staying (rent-free, or reduced rent?) in your OH's parents house - did your OH not mention his mother's problem to you before you moved in? I presume you are staying with them to save for your own home - your attitude to her problem is rather ungracious to say the least - best if you both of you move sooner rather than later - AND you should invite them to your new home.

peachyprice

Pollycat wrote: »

If the OP is to be believed.........:cool:

Regardless whether this is a genuine thread or not, I find it hard to believe that people would let their own family members sit in their pee without at least trying to seek help for them when it's obvious the elders are not coping with the situation.

meer53

I'm with the OP, i wouldn't want her round at my house either. How the OP deals with this, i have no idea, but if it were me, i would be very blunt with the MIL and FIL. It would be really hard but i would tell them the house stinks and that something needs to be done. I would then move out, thank them for letting me stay but that i'm moving because i can't stand living there any more. If that doesnt change anything then there is a bigger problem to deal with.