Should I just give up?

feater

I was with my ex for just over year. At the beginning I wasn't sure I wanted to have a relationship but after 3 months of getting to know him better (and lots of persuasion from him) I decided to just go for it.

He’s a few years older than me but we both wanted children and he was really keen for me to come off the pill which I did. Didn't get pregnant which I found upsetting at first but then he just lost his libido altogether so didn't look like it was going to happen.

We’ve had our arguments like most couples but we split after a drunken argument a month ago. I’ve been in contact with him a few times to see if we can sort things out as I’m missing him more each day rather than less. He’s told me he still loves me but thinks I deserve better than him, he doesn’t have the energy for a relationship at the min and that he wants to be on his own to sort things out and it wouldn’t be fair to ask me to wait for him... He’s having a few health problems and he’s finally trying to get it sorted. He’s tired a lot and really does seem to be irritable and down most of the time but as long as he was willing to get himself checked out I was willing to put up with it as he has only been like this for the last 5 months or so.

I’m just really confused as these don’t seem to be valid reasons to not try to work things out seeing as he was so keen to settle down with me not so long ago. I still tell him that I love him and have said that if he doesn’t love me then I’ll move on and try to get over him but he says he will never say that as it isn’t true.

Am I just wasting my time and upsetting myself more by even trying to work things out?

alwaysonthego_2

Not to cause offence, could you change the style of your font and size, it is really hard to read

feater

I was with my ex for just over year. At the beginning I wasn't sure I wanted to have a relationship but after 3 months of getting to know him better (and lots of persuasion from him) I decided to just go for it.

He’s a few years older than me but we both wanted children and he was really keen for me to come off the pill which I did. Didn't get pregnant which I found upsetting at first but then he just lost his libido altogether so didn't look like it was going to happen.

We’ve had our arguments like most couples but we split after a drunken argument a month ago. I’ve been in contact with him a few times to see if we can sort things out as I’m missing him more each day rather than less. He’s told me he still loves me but thinks I deserve better than him, he doesn’t have the energy for a relationship at the min and that he wants to be on his own to sort things out and it wouldn’t be fair to ask me to wait for him... He’s having a few health problems and he’s finally trying to get it sorted. He’s tired a lot and really does seem to be irritable and down most of the time but as long as he was willing to get himself checked out I was willing to put up with it as he has only been like this for the last 5 months or so.

I’m just really confused as these don’t seem to be valid reasons to not try to work things out seeing as he was so keen to settle down with me not so long ago. I still tell him that I love him and have said that if he doesn’t love me then I’ll move on and try to get over him but he says he will never say that as it isn’t true.

Am I just wasting my time and upsetting myself more by even trying to work things out?

feater

Anyone? bump

elona

Sounds as if he is depressed.

Maybe write him a nice letter saying you wish him all the best but will not be "chasing him".

Will always be his friend and hope that you can both move on and be happy.

Cynical old me thinks he will be round to see if you have met someone else.

The best of luck and I hope things get better for you.

conradmum

I think he's told you his answer. I would take him at his word and leave him alone. Say you'll be there if he needs you but you respect his decision.

Is he an attractive proposition because he's unobtainable now? I'm just asking because you said you weren't attracted to him at first and he made all the running. Then it doesn't sound as if you were particularly happy in the relationship, but now that you've split up suddenly you're chasing him. Based on what you've said, your feelings don't make much sense.

He may be playing games about not wanting to get back together (trying to get you to chase him) or he may be serious. Either way your best move is to leave him alone.

feater

I wasn't sure in the beginning cos he is older than me and he also had a bit of a reputation with woman so I didn't want to get hurt. He says that he wants me to move on and forget him but he'll make sarcastic comments about me probably having moved onto a new guy already (which I haven't but his ex before me messed him about a bit) and has said that he doesn't want me to meet anyone else.

Just getting the feeling that something else is going on that he's not telling me and it's driving me nuts.

If he really wants me to move on he just has to say that he doesn't love me but he refuses to do it. Even if he was lying at least I would know that he is so adamant we wont' work out that he's willing to lie about it.

conradmum

Why would you want to be with someone who messes with you head like this? Move on. He sounds like he's enjoying himself enticing you by saying he loves you then rejecting you by saying he doesn't want to be with you.
If he respected you he would be honest and considerate of your feelings.
Really, move on.

dragoninn

I can't give u any advice re: ur relationship.

just wanted to say, i hope u feel better soon.
having just gone through a break up recently and althought my circumstances were different to yours, i cansympathise with how
your feeling.

feater

Thanks for the replys. Thought I would miss him less as time went on but seems to be getting worse! Also feel as if he encouraged me to think we would be starting a family (have been broody for about 4 years now) and has now just pulled the rug from under me.

Same sentiments to you dragoninn - blimen horrible isnt it.

Lady_E

Feater-the old cliche, time is a great healer ,is something you have got to remember. He is right, you do deserve better than this and in time you will find it. Pick yourself up, dust yourself down and call your friends, cry, eat choclate, get angry, but most importantly look after yourself. You really need to keep your distance as he will screw your head if you stick around.
I just read this back and it sounds a bit brash, but honestly 12 years ago , this post could have been written by me and I know how awful it is .
Big hugs to you .