Changing habits, wanting freedom

MistyMountainTop

jvr wrote: »

Am I being harsh that £200 a month for anything extra is totally decent...

I'd guess it would depend on your standard of living, but £200 a month for extras would be a dream come true for me and many other people on this forum! The idea of giving him some when you get paid but making sure you are paid back is a good one. It might work better weekly but you feeling like his mum and him not learning to budget even his own money won't be good for either of you. It sounds like he will need to make do and go without until he has his own lightbulb moment about how he spends "his" money.

I know there is never a perfect time to have children but I personally wouldn't consider it until your debts are paid off, you've saved up some and decided exactly how you're going to manage on one wage. If you go back to work will you need childcare, etc. If you can't sort things out now, think how much worse it will be with even less money coming in and the strain of a new baby in the house.

I've re-read my posts and I am not trying to be Miserable Misty, honestly! It's just that I have been in such a financial mess in the past, and a big part of it was down to my hub being irresponsible. I did have our first child while we were going through it and things did get worse and far more stressful. I had a bad case of postnatal depression on top of everything else. I couldn't afford nappies so used cloth (actually old tshirts and towels cut up until I could afford terry squares - luckily I had an older midwife who showed me what to do, she hadn't seen cloth nappies used in years) and couldn't afford a pram so used a baby sling until my son was too heavy to cart about easily. My friends looked on horrified, smug with their Pampers and Mamas and Papas travel systems. I ended up turning into a bit of an eco warrior but at the time would have used disposable nappies if I had been able to afford them. I would hate for you to go down the same path I did and am just trying to bring up things to think about.

Cheeseface

I agree with Misty. I'm not sure what the solution would be but you have to get him on board. I am struggling a bit with my hubby but that's because he isn't used to reining it in and keeps forgetting to tell me when he needs or has spent money.

I hope you can find the solution.

jvr

Hi Misty & Cheeseface!
You are definitely not a miserable misty!! The fabulous thing about these diaries is getting other people’s opinions and learning from them. I really appreciate hearing about your story and it has actually given me an idea and the prompt I need to insist OH sits down with me and looks at this properly. Maybe not tonight… not the most fun way of spending an anniversary haha!
So my plan is this. Sit down and do a budget but instead of it just being the money he gives me and my money I am gonna do a budget with both our incomes completely. I like to do little envelopes so I have money for haircuts… a certain amount for wine etc…. with my part of the spending money so might look at doing same with him. Then sit down with him and look at it and he can edit it to suit him. Hopefully he can then work a budget that works for him and makes money last. Think if we can set him up some extra bank accounts ie. One for petrol money, one for savings for presents and one for his everyday spends it might help him without me having to dish out pocket money like im his mother which does nothing good for our relationship.
You have also made me think about the kid thing… and I think I understand the sacrifices we would have to make but maybe OH doesn’t. Was thinking maybe when I do budget do it based on maternity pay and his income within that have savings going out towards things like the car and then throw the rest at the debt. I work out we can pay it easily in 12 months so I might look at seeing if can pay it off in 9 and talk to OH about waiting 3 months to think about kids and that in that time I want to see him have a more responsible attitude to money.
What do you guys think, I agree Cheeseface I am fighting a losing battle if I cannot get him on board with the plan and it will only get harder once we have children

SpekySquarehead

Hi JVR,

Have you looked into YNAB?

It changed the way I look at money.

LABMUM

I can't get my head around YNAB speky. I wish I could, maybe when I am debt free it will make more sense.

jvr

Hi Speky,


Labmum I got the free trial ages ago looked once got confused and then gave up


Maybe I can try again with it using a different address to get the free trial again?

LABMUM

That's what I did jvr. Good idea to try a different email address. I think I will try that one too in the future.

jvr

Maybe Speky should take off on a grand tour of the UK and teach us all how to use it properly haha...
I'm trying to work up the courage to do an SOA would put it on here though as other parts of the forum are scary!!

jvr

Just checked my direct debit bank account and I am £335 into my over draft... I had thought I would be £150 this month!! aaargh.. just paid in £50 my dad sent me for Christmas and that means I will have to find £185 extra that I didn't plan for on pay day on Wednesday!

SpekySquarehead

JVR & Labmum. I'll admit, it does look confusing on the front of things but it's really dead easy when you get used to it. They do free workshops you watch online and videos on youtube which talk you through it. I didn't believe all the hype that I read, I thought it was too good to be true. But I was in debt and had nothing to lose, I tried the free trial then agreed to subscribe for £4 a month, the price of coffee.

A few months later I had £2k in my bank account and didn't even realise!!!! Can't recommend it enough.

Sorry to hear about the money situation you've found yourself it. December and January are usually tight months for everyone so I'm sure everyone will understand if you need to cut back from certain areas.