Changing habits, wanting freedom

JWPopps

Hello JVR! Hope you had a lovely Christmas

Scott_Weiland_2

jvr wrote: »

Merry Christmas everyone!!

All the best for the new year JVR

HappyNow

Hi jvr

After having it bookmarked for weeks, I've finally read your diary from start to finish.

Have you managed to have the chat with OH yet? If so, how did it go? I agree that there are changes needed at home before bringing a baby-shaped complication into the equation.

It's heart-warming to read all the lovely helpful suggestions from your readers. These diaries really are the best. I know from my own experience that the support here extends well beyond the financial - important as that is

Looking forward to your update when you get chance

jvr

Hello hope you all had an amazing Christmas and thanks for popping by. My mum went very MSE this year and we got home made body scrub etc. Was fab and meant me got more presents!! Managed to chat to OH today finally. He was good and listened and we made a plan which should cover everything but all depends on us both living off very small amount of spending money and cutting food budget (takeways) drastically! But feeling positive! Used the word 'we' a lot! Also applied for new bank account for him so he can keep petrol money separate I know he hasn't had light bulb moment yet but think maybe he will now understand when I say have nothing to give him if he runs out ... Guess only time will tell!

JWPopps

That sounds really positive, glad the chat went well. Good luck!!

MistyMountainTop

that's fantastic news, jvc! Did he see that there was a problem and he couldn't go on as he has been doing?

Honey_Bear

So glad you've had the discussion with him, JVR. Marvellous stuff, and time will tell if what you've said makes a difference but the important thing is that you prepared for the chat, said what needed to be said and he listened and all of that without tears or arguements. Fantastic achievement.

On the subject of not having so many takeaways, I've always found that having something close to what I'd want to eat readily available is the thing that stops the old behaviour and creates fab new behaviour. I am not a huge fan of denying myself all the pleasures in life just because I'm denying myself one of them, so we keep the following in the freezer and have one of them when we'd have got a takeaway in the olden days, or even worse, go out for a meal when we're tightening the budget belts.

Oven chips
Breaded fish fillets
Peas
Ham (for ham, egg and chips)
Curries - either from the supermarket chilled cabinet, or home-made ones when I've got the time, particularly veggie curries with seasonal veggies (currently sweet potato, carrot and parsnip) and either chickpeas or quorn (or both) made with curry pastes (never, ever curry sauce, utterly revolting stuff)
and you can dream up the rest yourself, because only you know what you actually want to eat when you're tempted.

Saves a fortune and it means I never feel cross with myself if I can't be bothered to cook from scratch.

jvr

Thank honey... Genuinely wouldn't have thought of doing that .. don't know why! Will have a freezer drawer for "takeaway" think that would work well for us as it is for convenience and craving junk!
Haven't discussed his debt think will give it till April when will have paid for insurance and all that and if he is sticking to it and being on board will incorporate it into the pay back plan. We divided our money into monthly direct debits then Into everything we need to save pay off etc for the year and divided that by 12 so can see what needs put asside each month and then food etc and what was left was divided between us for our "allowance".Think it was first time oh considered will have to save for insurance MOT new tyres etc we have also included money for a trip back to SA at end of the year... This had increased the amount we have to put asside considerably but is a good insentive as if we don't manage it that is the thing we won't have money for at the end of the year ...

jvr

Oh and yes misty ... Seemed to but being cynacle sod that I am I'm not convinced he has realised that to make budget work his habits have to change to

Honey_Bear

jvr wrote: »

Thank honey... Genuinely wouldn't have thought of doing that .. don't know why! Will have a freezer drawer for "takeaway" think that would work well for us as it is for convenience and craving junk!

That's why keeping a debt-free diary works, JVR. Breaking habits that are making life tough for us is difficult for a lot of reasons, but one of them is because we don't realise what all of the alternative behaviours are. I know oven chips are an absolute must for us because sometimes only chips will do.

jvr wrote: »

Think it was first time oh considered will have to save for insurance MOT new tyres etc we have also included money for a trip back to SA at end of the year... This had increased the amount we have to put asside considerably but is a good insentive as if we don't manage it that is the thing we won't have money for at the end of the year ...

It's sad he's never learned that saving up for planned expenses is a good idea, but it's never too learn to learn new things. The genius bit is the idea that if between you there aren't enough savings to go to SA, you can't go. That should help focus his mind.