Changing habits, wanting freedom

jvr

Shopping yesterday came to £71 which isn't too bad considering had to buy new Tupperware (dogs destroyed some) and dishwasher tablets, washing machine tablets and got a £25 bottle of champagne for £10 to put away for Christmas. Must have been a good time to go on a Sunday as got loads of yellow sticker items. Spent the rest of the afternoon on the sofa with my book which was lovely and then went to the birthday party of a bar OH used to work in, spent very little as OH drove and the owner bought us both a drink. We have our wedding anniversary on Thursday and always go to the same tapas bar instead of getting presents. Had a chat with OH and since we are both skint going to use Tesco vouchers for pizza express instead. Normally we would have used overdraft and said we deserved it.... so really pleased in our change in attitude even if I will miss the cocktails! In work today got the bus again which is £15 a week but its just so cold to cycle, brought my lunch with me using yellow sticker items.
Feel exhausted today and that should teach me to go out on a school night, even though we were home by 10pm.

Cheeseface

Happy Anniversary

SpekySquarehead

Well done on saving the cash on your anniversary dinner. In your shoes I too would have been tempted to say it was deserved or it's a one off so congrats on sticking to your guns.

Hope you have a lovely time.

jvr

Hi guys,


Thanks feeling very smug and superior with my MSE plan! First time for everything. On a slightly worse note I think I poisoned my husband.....
As I said on sunday I got lots of yellow sticker items including chicken which I cooked that day and had for lunch in a wrap. OH then had it for dinner in a wrap and at about 1.30am began puking and didn't stop till about 6.30am.... in between he managed to shout about that 'blo*dy chicken' and how I should never buy discount again. Now... my feeling is that it wasn't actually out of date when I cooked it and I ate it with no problems so he may have a stomach bug but he is insistent it was the chicken. Today he had tickets to go see Arsenal play (who he loves!!) courtesy of his manager. So he had train tickets and was going to stay with them and watch the game. He has been working so insanely hard and looking forward to this so much I just felt sick with guilt this morning that it was ruined. He has packed his pale ill self off on the train and so I'm hoping he will manage to enjoy it......!
Very MSE day today as had team meeting and got taken to pizza express. Its 3 courses and everyone was saying can't manage it so I let them in on my secret of only eating half the main and taking the other half home and that way they have room for starter and pudding! They honestly said would never have asked for takeaway.... I wouldn't think twice! So a group of us trotted out with our dinners in a box for later.. yum!

jvr

Hi


Came home last night and had my leftovers.. which was very nice and collapsed on sofa all evening with the dogs. Normally as OH starts work later I don't have to do much with dogs in the morning but obviously as he is away had to get them fed and locked in kitchen before I left this morning. Made myself a sandwich for lunch and put it on the side with a yoghurt... came down after my shower to find the foil everywhere minus sandwich and I have no idea where they have hidden the yoghurt! I'm sure that will be a nice surprise for OH when he arrives home later! Otherwise no spends and on target to get to pay day with only the budgeted amount going into overdraft... must work on having some buffer money to stop this happening. Can't wait for the 21st when I will officially be below the 5000 mark. Feeling positive about 2017 as 2016 has certainly not been my year... nor anyones in the world it feels like!

SpekySquarehead

Morning,

Well your OH probably wont have feel any better after the football result and I would tend to agree with you that I don't think the chicken is to blame since you cooked it that day plus you had it too.

Take the motivation that getting under £5k gives and let that drive you for 2017.

MistyMountainTop

I've just caught up with your diary and am subscribing! I've found having a diary has changed things for me in a way that nothing else has been able to do.

It sounds like all the financial worry is left to you. Have you filled out a budget? (I used the budgetbrain here after EssexH recommended it: https://budgetbrain.moneysavingexpert.com/auth/login) If your OH properly understood the situation he might be less likely to overspend or moan about not having the car he wants. Are the debts yours only or a joint effort?

I can relate to all things puppy, my last one chewed up everything within reach, despite plenty of exercise and toys to keep her amused.

jvr

Haha - no the football result did not help! I think getting under 5k will feel like the first proper progress for us and getting through Christmas with no added debt!


Hi MM - I will have to find your diary i'm a bit obsessed with reading them all now but actually having one does seem to make a difference, mainly the fact I know I have to confess if I leap off the wagon!


I did a spreadsheet one someone recommended on here but then had my slip and ignored it, think I will have to get it all set up for 2017 and will have a look at the link, thank you. The debts are joint and built up over a scarily short period of time. Sometimes it feels like OH thinks he should have his entire wage just to play with and I don't really know how to get him to realise how privileged he is, its me that cuts back and makes the savings to pay if off quicker. If he runs out towards end of month I feel huge pressure to give him some of mine but we have similar amount left over yet mine is spending money and our food budget his is just for him! If we need to find money for something unexpected I have to find it and I just can't seem to get through to him. Every now and again we talk and he seems to get it but every month its same old story and I'm getting really fed up. He has a very 'I deserve a treat' attitude..


Sorry for ranting!

MistyMountainTop

jvr wrote: »

The debts are joint and built up over a scarily short period of time. Sometimes it feels like OH thinks he should have his entire wage just to play with and I don't really know how to get him to realise how privileged he is, its me that cuts back and makes the savings to pay if off quicker. If he runs out towards end of month I feel huge pressure to give him some of mine but we have similar amount left over yet mine is spending money and our food budget his is just for him! If we need to find money for something unexpected I have to find it and I just can't seem to get through to him. Every now and again we talk and he seems to get it but every month its same old story and I'm getting really fed up. He has a very 'I deserve a treat' attitude..

I've put in bold some of the things that worry me. To start with, I would stop giving him any money if his runs out, and stand firm. I was in a similar situation when we were younger and it nearly caused me to seek a divorce. My hub didn't seem to understand that he was no longer single and needed to contribute a fair whack to the household. He wanted his toys and didn't seem to care that I was going without to keep up, he gave me a small amount of housekeeping each week which didn't even cover the food but had the attitude that he had paid his share so anything else that cropped up wasn't his responsibility and he didn't want to know.

It took not being able to pay the electric and actually getting cut off, going without for over a week (a very uncomfortable week with no heat, no hot water, no laundry washing, no way to cook) before my hub saw the light. I needed a tooth out, didn't have the money for both, he wouldn't put his hand in his pocket and I was sick and tired of having to pay for everything while he gallivanted around with his friends like a schoolboy. I shouted at him quite a bit too during that time, and his family humiliated him because he couldn't pay the most basic of bills yet was talking about a new car, golf lessons (!) and other ways to spend money we clearly didn't have.

I had tried all sorts to get him to see we couldn't continue as we were, but it wasn't until the lights went out that it actually sunk in. We worked together after that, sorted out a budget was fair to both of us and to his credit he did his best to stick to it and completely gave up his nights down at the pub. Our relationship improved too because I was no longer feeling resentful. I really sympathise and hope you can find a way to get through to your OH. I know if things had not changed drastically with my hub, we would not still be together.

jvr

Hi MM, thanks for sharing your story and making me look at it that way, when I read the bold bits it hit home that I am just letting him act this way. He gives a good chunk of his wage to household bills and debt repayment but we both seem to have the same amount left at the end yet I pay if we go out and all the food on top of my own spends. Not sure if he even really realises, I remembered we both need to go to the dentist and my first thought was finding all the money out of my 'allowance'.... why?! I tried to talk to him the other night looking at how much he has left and how much he smokes it or buys beer!!
Then wonders why he has no money for doing or buying anything nice. Need to pin him down to look at budget... keep reminding him the £400 he has to play with won't exist if we have kids at all. He has that and the only things he has to pay is £30 for internet and then petrol which does add up to about £120 a month.. I think.,.. trying to get him to work that amount out. He then sends his mum £60 which is a whole other issue......
Am I being harsh that £200 a month for anything extra is totally decent... all other bills paid out of my account. I know he has now run out of money, he gets paid on the last day of the month. I get paid in a weeks time so tempted to say he gives me a bit more on his pay day and then he can get some on mine.. so he only has to manage 3 weeks at a time. Or we go back to him have weekly allowance and I get to feel like his mum again...
If I don't give any money on pay day he can't get to work and I'm guessing I wont get a Christmas present so will give minimum amount and say I expect it back on his pay day. I need to let him know how it all makes me feel as we are talking about having kids but I need him to be an adult to be able to do that!!


Is it obvious I have been bottling these feelings up for a while haha