Being excluded from events because your partner is not liked...

thorsoak

tea_lover wrote: »

I still can't work out who was related to who in the OP!

Neither can I! However, my advice is the same to each and every person - firstly - I would tell the OH that he is perceived as obnoxious and argumentative to others, and that is why you (as a couple) are not invited to social events. If it worries you, and you perceive him in the same way, yet make excuses for him - then tell him to shut his gob! If it doesn't worry you, and you don't worry about being excluded from these social gatherings - then let him carry on as he is.

There are always people who hate someone who disagrees with the accepted point of view - and others who welcome them with open arms.

But seriously - if he is as nasty as that - why is the OP still with him?

paddy's_mum

When I was in a similar situation, I let it be widely known that I expected invitations to be addressed to me alone and was happy to accept and attend on that honest, open basis.

Most people were actually quite relieved to know that no offense would be taken by them excluding an-obnoxious-when-in-alcohol boyfriend and if he was offended...well, the remedy was in his own hands.

It is not fair for one party's selfish behaviour to tantamount to dictate what the other person may do.

TBagpuss

Peter333 wrote: »

Yeah ... but her son's girlfriend's brother's family were invited... and they had only known them 6 months.

So by this token, our friend and her husband should have been invited too.

But it seems it's because they don't like her husband that they weren't invited.

I don't think that that (the italicised part) follows. I think it is perfectly valid to invite one person or couple who you like and get on with and not to invite another who you don't get along with or are concerned will cause problems, even if they happen to have similar connections to the hosts. There is no rule that you 'should' to invite particular people.

The hosts were correct not to invite your friend if they didn't want her husband, as it is generally not acceptable to invite half of a couple (except where the hosts only know one half or the event is single gender, such as a hen or stag party)

I can understand that your friend is upset but at least now she knows that her husband's behaviour is sufficiently bad that it does affect how people see them and whether they want to invite them. I think rather than being angry or upset at the people who have been honest enough to let her know what the problem is, or who have chosen to invite people they like and who won't upset other guests, she needs to take an honest look at her husband and address with him how he behaves in public.

If he can't or won't change, then she could let her friends know that (although it is not normally police to do so) she will not be offended if she is invited without him and that she will not seek to bring him with her uninvited, and that might allow her to continue to see friends and attend social events and for him to stay at home. (assuming, of course, that he would do so)

I confirm that, like others, I have chosen not to socialise with people I like, or not to invite them, where they have a partner or spouse who is obnoxious or unpleasant. I've only done it when they are actively unpleasant, as opposed to just not being my cup of tea.

For instance, a close friend of mine was (mercifully briefly!) married to a guy who was a complete g*t. He would be very rude and constantly put her down in public, he was rude to waiters / door staff, he would complain constantly and make unpleasant comments about the appearance etc.,. of other members of the group and then pretend it was a joke if anyone called him on it. I didn't stop seeing my friend but I did stop inviting them to any group events - I visited their home (partly because I wasn't prepared to let him isolate my friend from me, although he tried pretty hard, and succeeded with a lot of her other friends) and invited them to mine, but I didn't accept or offer invitations to go out anywhere as it was just too stressful to cope with his behaviour.

And I can think of a couple of other people I have known at various times where they only got invited to things because people felt sorry for the nice half of the couple. And there would tend to be a filter - for instance, one couple would be invited to big events as the husband's boorish and unpleasant behaviour couple be 'diluted' - if there were 20-30 people there no one person had to cope with him for long, but they were not invited to smaller gatherings because if there were only 8-10 he could make it unpleasant or uncomfortable for everyone at the same time, and there was no respite!

Coinmachine

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

I'm glad I'm not the only one! :rotfl:

Does this help?

Friend/Husband
(not invited)

Friend's son and girlfriend of friend's son

Dad of girlfriend (married)

Girlfriend's sister and boyfriend

Parents of boyfriend (invited)

Georgiegirl256

maman wrote: »

The whole thing sounds a bit like a soap opera.

Inviting any potential in-laws to a wedding seems odd to me. OK invite the children and a plus one but the parents?? I'm assuming they must have clicked with the daughter's 'in-laws' and invited them as new friends.

Seems odd to me too. Children's partners parents aren't usually invited in the majority of cases.

Also, as is said above, maybe they just clicked with the daughters boyfriends parents and really liked them? But again, unusual to invite them still.

Slinky

I invited a friend to my wedding, but not her husband, but he never attends any events she's invited to anyway so what was the point. She did ask if she could bring her daughter but since we'd not invited anybody else's children due to numbers (and not wanting children at our wedding), we declined on the basis of numbers. I would point out that I knew this person as a work colleague at the time she married and I wasn't invited to her wedding although some others were.

But then I didn't invite my mother or any of her side of the family either.....

Peter333

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Seems odd to me too. Children's partners parents aren't usually invited in the majority of cases.

Also, as is said above, maybe they just clicked with the daughters boyfriends parents and really liked them? But again, unusual to invite them still.

Yeah that's the thing Georgie. Although the couple had a right to invite who they want, it seemed odd that the sister's boyfriend's family were invited to the wedding, but not our friend and her husband.

I'm sure it will sort itself out. My wife spoke to her earlier though, and she said she is going to speak to her husband about it.

I do think (as some people have said,) that it was mean and spiteful of her 'acquaintance' to tell her!

But then, maybe it's better that she knows.

clairec79

My father in law got married earlier this year, my parents weren't invited and wouldn't have dawned on any of us that they should have been

ska_lover

I really do not see why the couple in question are expected to explain why they do not wish to spend the most important day of their lives with people they don't even like!!

GOOD FOR THEM, wh should they stand them a free meal and be forced to have them in the wedding pictures. Urgh - good for them for sticking to their own wishes - not the wishes of some 'not even relatives that they don't like!'

Peter I think your friend has NO RIGHT to feel so self entitled that they feel they deserve an invite to this!! some people get upset over everything and if they dare to make a big drama about it, they will only make themselves look pathetic!