Being excluded from events because your partner is not liked...

Peter333

Our friend's son's girlfriend's father recently got married, and much to her surprise, she and her husband weren't invited. She said 'we're going to be in-laws, this is my son's future father-in-law, I am a bit taken aback at not being invited...' I said 'maybe seats were limited, and it had to be people very close...'

Then the other day, she discovered that the family of this girl's sister's boyfriend were invited. And they have only been together 6 months. Our friend's son has been dating his girlfriend for 2 years, and has met the family a dozen or times. They have only met the sister's boyfriend's family twice!

But she heard something from someone today that shocked and upset her; they didn't invite her because they can't stand her husband! This acquaintance said they didn't want him at their wedding, and couldn't invite her and not him, so they just excluded both of them! :eek:

The acquaintance said 'this probably isn't the first time this has happened, because he is a bit loud and opinionated, and really speaks his mind about his beliefs.' He is rather opinionated and loud actually, and really likes the sound of his own voice, and thinks he's always right, but she is shocked and upset at not being invited basically because of him........

Has anything like this ever happened to you? Or someone you know? Being excluded because your partner wasn't liked?

Or have YOU ever excluded someone you would have liked to have invited, because you dislike their partner?

Or have you ever BEEN that person who wasn't liked, and it ended up with your partner being excluded from being invited to things?! :eek:

PasturesNew

At a family wedding we did that. Hated the cousins .... so a "no children" rule was put in place. Having said that, the venue was ultra-tiny and the three excluded families would have doubled the guest list from about 20 to 40.

I don't think they ever got over it .... but, put simply, nobody liked any of them.

lea2012

I didn't invite my Auntie to my wedding (my dads sister) because she's basically a complete idiot who likes too much to drink and always causes a row! She has a history of causing an argument and for as long as I can remember she has managed to spoil almost every 'do' that I have been to where she has been too. So I just decided I didn't want the stress of having here at mine. My Dad doesn't really talk to her anyway and she hardly ever spoke to me so it was an easy choice.

The only problem was that I had invited my cousins and they wanted to know where their mums invite was as she hadn't got hers. When I explained that I didn't want her there and why they took great offence and refused to come too. This is despite the fact that it us usually them or their partners that she argues with anyway! We haven't really spoken since the wedding which was 18 months ago but it's actually better that way as now I don't have to deal with all their drama!

Peter333

lea2012 wrote: »

I didn't invite my Auntie to my wedding (my dads sister) because she's basically a complete idiot who likes too much to drink and always causes a row! She has a history of causing an argument and for as long as I can remember she has managed to spoil almost every 'do' that I have been to where she has been too. So I just decided I didn't want the stress of having here at mine. My Dad doesn't really talk to her anyway and she hardly ever spoke to me so it was an easy choice.

The only problem was that I had invited my cousins and they wanted to know where their mums invite was as she hadn't got hers. When I explained that I didn't want her there and why they took great offence and refused to come too. This is despite the fact that it us usually them or their partners that she argues with anyway! We haven't really spoken since the wedding which was 18 months ago but it's actually better that way as now I don't have to deal with all their drama!

Gosh that's awkward.

I am not sure where our friend is going to go from here.... it's basically up to them who they decided to invite, but to exclude her and her husband, and then invite the other girls' boyfriend's family was a bit... :eek:

And then for someone to TELL her why...because they dislike her husband. :eek:

I have a feeling this isn't going to end well.

Person_one

I don't really see the problem to be honest. Its not like its a relationship where an invitation can reasonably be expected and considered a deliberate 'snub' if it isn't extended. You say its the son's girlfriend's family, not the his fiancee's, so I'd expect that they'd be invited if they were close and enjoyed spending time together but not necessarily just because their children were dating.

Its a shame for the wife to be missing out on invitations, but it is rude to invite just one half of a married couple without the other and if her husband is a loud offensive obnoxious boor then maybe she should be having a word with him about how he behaves at other people's events!

I hope your friend doesn't decide to start an argument and cause problems for their son and his partner.

Peter333

Person_one wrote: »

I don't really see the problem to be honest. Its not like its a relationship where an invitation can reasonably be expected and considered a deliberate 'snub' if it isn't extended. You say its the son's girlfriend's family, not the his fiancee's, so I'd expect that they'd be invited if they were close and enjoyed spending time together but not necessarily just because their children were dating.

Its a shame for the wife to be missing out on invitations, but it is rude to invite just one half of a married couple without the other and if her husband is a loud offensive obnoxious boor then maybe she should be having a word with him about how he behaves at other people's events!

Hmm yeah you do have valid points of course. I think this lady needs to take her husband to task and talk about his behaviour and attitude in public!

But for the others to be invited (the other daughter's boyfriend's family,) and not them is a bit awkward. Especially as they have only known them a few months.

Yeah I don't think she should fuss either, but this does need to be sorted...

SuzieSue

Person_one wrote: »

if her husband is a loud offensive obnoxious boor then maybe she should be having a word with him about how he behaves at other people's events!

This. Her husband is the problem and she needs to do something about it if she wants to be invited in the future.

Peter333

SuzieSue wrote: »

This. Her husband is the problem and she needs to do something about it if she wants to be invited in the future.

Yeah you're right. It's still very raw atm. Guess she will have to talk to him about it. Not sure if it's too late though, as he has always been like this, and she said they don't often get invited to places.

PasturesNew wrote: »

They were the only ones with kids. We had few relatives to invite, without going mad.... paternal granny died two weeks before the wedding and was overseas, as were all the aunts/uncles on that side - and they weren't blood-related to the bride.

So that just left the maternal side. 3 families, with feral, !!!!!! and dangerous brats.

In short ... on the bride's side, there was no family. On the groom's side I only recall his parents and brother. All the rest were their friends.

Oh I see. Can't blame you.

At the end of the day, it's up to each person or couple who they invite, but to find out you have been excluded because people dislike your partner! :eek:

Primrose

I suppose the bottom line is that people are perfectly entitled to choose who they want to invite or not to social events they are involved in and probably all of us know a couple where one of the partners is generally disliked. As has been said, you can hardly invite one half of a couple without giving a reason , without offence being taken and being honest about the reason so some people take the line of least resistance and exclude both.

I suspect some people, if they have any sensitivity or intuition about body language may well possibly suspect that their partner is disliked but all they can do in such cases is to try to persuade them to behave more sensitively in company. I have one good friend who is simply honest about her partner's lack of social skills and makes it pretty clear she will not be offended to receive a single invitation rather than a joint one but i suspect many couples out of loyalty would not feel able to do this.

PasturesNew

Peter333 wrote: »

.... to find out you have been excluded because people dislike your partner!

Serves them right if he's an 4rse .... to be blunt.

They can't be oblivious to the fact he's an utter bore.

SuzieSue

Peter333 wrote: »

Yeah you're right. It's still very raw atm. Guess she will have to talk to him about it. Not sure if it's too late though, as he has always been like this, and she said they don't often get invited to places.

What kind of relationship do they have if she hasn't already told him that he is loud and self-opinionated (assuming that she thinks that he is)?

If it was my partner I would have told him the first time he was like that.