Sticking with one child?

pinkteapot

Just to throw something else into the conversation... Secondary infertility (failure to conceive again after having a child) is more common than people know and, like most fertility issues, fairly taboo - something that people don't feel they can talk about.

Don't judge a couple who only have one child or - even worse - ask why they didn't want a sibling for their child, because you never know - they could have been trying for that second child for years and have been through terrible heartbreak.

midnightraven3

I think all you can have is opinions and peoples own personal stories

I grew up as an only child, grandparents and parents who doted on me, gave me everything, and i felt suffocated. Next door, was a huge (grubby poor) family and much to my mothers horror, i wanted to be one of them
Even as an adult, i wish I had siblings, cousins for my children etc
We have 3, 2 girls, and a boy. The girls are 3 years apart, and whilst not terribly close growing up, now they are students, they live together and go on holidays etc
Son is close to both sisters

I would then and still would give up all the material things, and the attention, for a sibling

jayII

pinkteapot wrote: »

Just to throw something else into the conversation... Secondary infertility (failure to conceive again after having a child) is more common than people know and, like most fertility issues, fairly taboo - something that people don't feel they can talk about.

Don't judge a couple who only have one child or - even worse - ask why they didn't want a sibling for their child, because you never know - they could have been trying for that second child for years and have been through terrible heartbreak.

It's a bit like asking why people don't have any children: insensitive and nosey!

Waffle_On

I only wanted one child and with my son being almost 6 I was happy with my lot and enjoying the lower childcare costs etc.

I have one sister myself with a 2 year gap and we have never got on... we haven't spoken for years.

My hubby persuaded me to try for another baby, something I was regretting through most of my difficult pregnancy. Now my second son is almost 6 months, and I can't tell you the joy he is bringing us every day. I can't imagine life without him.

Financial goals are all very well, but I suggest you put those aside in making this decision (within reason, don't put yourself in debt or on the breadline).

ska_lover

Why feel sad for your little one not having a brother or sister?

Me and my older sister are like chalk and cheese. We didn't get on as kids, and spent years fighting and giving our parents headaches. As adults we didn't like each other any better and haven't spoken in years. It is a shame, but its true to say I have better friends - whom I would choose to spend my time with, and I am certain she would say the same.

Just saying that as it is not necessarily going to work out like a fairy tale having another one

Spendless

I wanted two with a smaller gap than the 7 years between me and my only sibling as I felt we were always at a different 'life stage' and couldn't share much. I have a boy and girl 3 years apart.

Both of mine can be spoilt brats, with wanting attention (occasionally possessions). Sometimes they have to accept they can't have what they want though because they have another sibling to take into account. Hence my 16yo has been told I can't run him to and from the cinema tomorrow night as his Dad is working away and his sister is attending a weekly singing class that is a fixture in the calendar and paid for in advance and no other way to get her there than for me to drive and the times and locations clash.
Without another child there it would be a lot easier for me to give my only everything they asked for.
This doesn't mean I think only children are spoilt. Both my Dad and FIL are only children and I don't see any stereotype characteristics in either of them.

OP- If you have no objection to a larger gap between children, why not just leave it a few years and see how you feel then.

Gavin83

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

I'm an only child and think rather than being spolit only children often have more responsibility and more pressure is put upon them to do well or to do what the parent thinks they should do.

I think this is true. I'm an only child and me and my parents couldn't be any different in regards to our outlooks on life. We've clashed several times on a number of my life choices and they clearly had ideas of what I'd do in life. One big issue is that their last real desire in life is to be grandparents yet I don't want children. I feel bad for them that they won't get to experience that but there's no way I'm having children just to please them.

I'm also another one who isn't bothered either way about having siblings or not. I can't really miss what I didn't have and I've never really felt the desire to have a sibling. I can see positives and negatives to either option.

I know people at totally opposite ends of the spectrum. I know those who are best friends with their siblings yet I know others that don't get on at all, even as adults. It's a gamble either way. I'd recommend just going with what feels right for you as that will often be the right choice.

chelseablue

Thank you all very much!


Im 33 now so hopefully still have a few years left to decide.
I think that's my best option for now, see how I feel in 3 or 4 years time, my son will be 6 by then


In my head I have a 'cut off' point of 38-39, if I didn't have the urge to have another by that point, Id say that would be it just the one for me.

Lily-Rose_3

ska_lover wrote: »

Why feel sad for your little one not having a brother or sister?

Me and my older sister are like chalk and cheese. We didn't get on as kids, and spent years fighting and giving our parents headaches. As adults we didn't like each other any better and haven't spoken in years. It is a shame, but its true to say I have better friends - whom I would choose to spend my time with, and I am certain she would say the same.

Just saying that as it is not necessarily going to work out like a fairy tale having another one

Gavin83 wrote: »

I think this is true. I'm an only child and me and my parents couldn't be any different in regards to our outlooks on life. We've clashed several times on a number of my life choices and they clearly had ideas of what I'd do in life. One big issue is that their last real desire in life is to be grandparents yet I don't want children. I feel bad for them that they won't get to experience that but there's no way I'm having children just to please them.

I'm also another one who isn't bothered either way about having siblings or not. I can't really miss what I didn't have and I've never really felt the desire to have a sibling. I can see positives and negatives to either option.

I know people at totally opposite ends of the spectrum. I know those who are best friends with their siblings yet I know others that don't get on at all, even as adults. It's a gamble either way. I'd recommend just going with what feels right for you as that will often be the right choice.

These 2 ^ With bells on.

I know way more siblings who don't get on; some siblings do get on of course, but I do know more who don't. They either hate each other, or are just indifferent and don't care if they see their sibling or not, and have very little connection or chemistry. I get on OK with my brother but rarely seem him really. Maybe 5-6 times a year. We live quite a few miles apart. I know a dozen people who have one sibling, and they have NO relationship with them.

I also know several families with 3 or 4 siblings where the family is fractured. 2 siblings get on, then the other one or two are completely estranged from the rest.

Also, in most families, there is almost always a favourite, and resentment simmering under the surface.

I'm not saying this will happen with all children, but one of these scenarios is more likely than not likely.

chelseablue wrote: »

Thank you all very much!


Im 33 now so hopefully still have a few years left to decide.
I think that's my best option for now, see how I feel in 3 or 4 years time, my son will be 6 by then


In my head I have a 'cut off' point of 38-39, if I didn't have the urge to have another by that point, Id say that would be it just the one for me.

Yeah that would be my cut off point too. I think the oldest age to have a baby should be 40/41. JMO.

chelseablue

Yes I agree, although my cousin had a baby when she was 42! He's 6 now :-)