Sticking with one child?

GwylimT

onlyroz wrote: »

Which also has a tendency to produce spoiled brats that think the world revolves around them. My niece is a case in point.

Otherwise known as only child syndrome.

warby68

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Well, obviously you have nobody to share the responsibilties with but is that any reason to resent it?

IMO, one of the great things about being an only child is that you don't have to share your parents with anybody (as a child) and you get all the attention.

Swings and roundabouts, I suppose.

It all depends whether you find the undivided attention good or bad as you say.

Yes it is resentment - we don't get on, we never did but I am responsible. I love her and would do anything for her but she is also the hardest thing I have to deal with in my life and pretty much always has been. Some dilution and some sharing along the way would have helped no end - I really do feel sure of that.

I think the only child issue carries mainly polarised opinions. I've only ever come across affected people who either 'love' it or 'hate' it, never anyone who 'wasn't bothered either way'

Sadly I'm in the hate group and know I'm not alone.

All that said, OP you should have the children you want , not the children you think you should have as the latter could easily turn into a source of resentment too!

Lily-Rose_3

onlyroz wrote: »

Which also has a tendency to produce spoiled brats that think the world revolves around them. My niece is a case in point.

GwylimT wrote: »

Otherwise known as only child syndrome.

I wondered how long it would be before someone would come out with this old chestnut......

'Only children are all SPOILT..'

It's one of the most inaccurate sweeping generalisations to come out of the mouths of people with more than one child, and occasionally people with no children. And in my experience these spiteful remarks come from people who are jealous.

Jealous of the close relationship that the parents have with their 'only' child, jealous of how academically advanced the only child is, and jealous of how many friends the only child has... For some reason, these people just delight in making spiteful remarks about how 'spoilt' only children are, when in actual fact, they are often no more spoilt than children with siblings.

As Person One says, the favourite sibling in the family tends to be the one that is spoiled, much more than any 'only' sibling is.

I know half a dozen 'only' children, including my own daughter who is nearly 22, and each one, without exception, excels at school, has a great relationship with their parents, and is well educated, well travelled, polite, intelligent, and studious. And they almost always have a huge circle of friends.

My daughter literally has 2 dozen friends; from school, college, uni, work, the neighbourhood, and her childhood. And she goes out with a bunch of friends every week. She has always had a lot more friends than her pals with siblings. Maybe because 'only' children mix and integrate more... who knows... But she does have a LOT of friends.

Person_one wrote: »

I think that's an unfair stereotype actually, and it must be really annoying for only children to keep hearing it.

Some of the most spoilt people I know (adults and kids) have been favourite children with less favoured siblings anyway, not only children.

This. ^ :T

As I said, it's a ludicrous and inaccurate sweeping generalisation, and as you say, an unfair stereotype.

I'm not saying all people who have more than one child are jealous by the way, (before anyone starts!) I'm on about the people who make spiteful remarks about 'only' children.

To the OP; only you can make that decision, but I'm not sure that having another child to give your child a sibling is the best reason for having another one. You have to really want another one.

onlyroz

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I wondered how long it would be before someone would come out with this old chestnut......

'Only children are all SPOILT..'

Did I say they were all spoiled?

onlyroz

Person_one wrote: »

I think that's an unfair stereotype actually, and it must be really annoying for only children to keep hearing it.

Some of the most spoilt people I know (adults and kids) have been favourite children with less favoured siblings anyway, not only children.

Sure, it's a stereotype, and it's obviously not true in all cases.

The most people I know are only children resulting from years of struggling to conceive (whether after a string of miscarriages, or years of IVF or whatever). Such children are often treated as having a divine aura about them, which I don't think does them any good at all.

But I do think that it affects the personality of a child if they have 100% of their parents' attention.

jayII

From my experience it's wrong to generalise either way. Some parents spoil their children, either out of selfishness (it makes the parent feel good), out of incompetence, out of some sort of fear (of rejection or because the child was very ill as a baby) or out of sheer laziness.

Parents like that will spoil one or more of their children, regardless of how many they have. Sadly, they either aren't aware, or don't care, that they are storing up future problems for that child or children. It's so selfish!

DevilsAdvocate1

warby68 wrote: »

I'm an only child who hated it, still does and moved heaven and earth to have 2 of my own. Another consequence of being the only child is that I now have 100% responsibility for a rather difficult elderly mum and have done since my dad died relatively young. Even now I'm older I still resent her for this. Hard to admit and I feel bad for it but its the truth.

I'm also an only child who always wanted a sibling. I used to love staying at my aunt and uncle's house as they had three child. It was so noisy and always someone to play with.

I had 3 children of my own and would have had more. However, I don't resent my mum. She actually had a very late miscarriage when I was four and was unable to have any more after that.

My parents are both becoming elderly and I'm the only one who can step up and be responsible. My husband would love to emigrate, but I feel that its impossible as my parents would have no one.

Lily-Rose_3

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Well, obviously you have nobody to share the responsibilties with but is that any reason to resent it?

IMO, one of the great things about being an only child is that you don't have to share your parents with anybody (as a child) and you get all the attention.

Swings and roundabouts, I suppose.

onlyroz wrote: »

Which also has a tendency to produce spoiled brats that think the world revolves around them. My niece is a case in point.

onlyroz wrote: »

Did I say they were all spoiled?

Pretty much yes!

You said 'only' children having all the attention from parents, tends to produce spoiled brats that think the world revolves around them.

Nothing in your post suggested you meant only a few are spoiled, or just some of them!

Poor attempt at backpedalling!!!

Lily-Rose_3

jayII wrote: »

From my experience it's wrong to generalise either way. Some parents spoil their children, either out of selfishness (it makes the parent feel good), out of incompetence, out of some sort of fear (of rejection or because the child was very ill as a baby) or out of sheer laziness.

Parents like that will spoil one or more of their children, regardless of how many they have. Sadly, they either aren't aware, or don't care, that they are storing up future problems for that child or children. It's so selfish!

Yes it is unfair to generalise either way. But I have yet to hear anyone who has 2 or 3 children, have their children accused of being spoilt, in the way that 'only' children are. No-one ever makes comments about children with siblings being 'spoilt;' it's always the 'only' children that are slated, and labelled spoilt. And it's almost always people who don't even KNOW that child assuming they MUST be spoilt, because they're the only one.

Don't know what makes them think they have a right to comment and generalise, and make spiteful comments about 'only' children... It says more about them IMO.

jayII

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Yes it is unfair to generalise either way. But I have yet to hear anyone who has 2 or 3 children, have their children accused of being spoilt, in the way that 'only' children are. No-one ever makes comments about children with siblings being 'spoilt;' it's always the 'only' children that are slated, and labelled spoilt. And it's almost always people who don't even KNOW that child assuming they MUST be spoilt, because they're the only one.

Don't know what makes them think they have a right to comment and generalise, and make spiteful comments about 'only' children... It says more about them IMO.

People often feel threatened by things they see as 'different' to their own choices, especially if they are feeling tired and overwhelmed. Plus, 'spoilt only child' has become a bit of a habitual comment in UK society.

To be fair, there's no question that a small number of only children are very spoilt, purely because their parents desperately wanted more children and invested all that unused emotion in their only chick. It does nobody any favours.