Sticking with one child?

missbiggles1

warby68 wrote: »

I'm an only child who hated it, still does and moved heaven and earth to have 2 of my own. Another consequence of being the only child is that I now have 100% responsibility for a rather difficult elderly mum and have done since my dad died relatively young. Even now I'm older I still resent her for this. Hard to admit and I feel bad for it but its the truth.

You resent your mother for being widowed and elderly? Have I misunderstood?

Even when there are two or more siblings there is often just the one who does nearly everything for their parents - you can't force people to be responsible or to share.

dirty_magic

warby68 wrote: »

I'm an only child who hated it, still does and moved heaven and earth to have 2 of my own. Another consequence of being the only child is that I now have 100% responsibility for a rather difficult elderly mum and have done since my dad died relatively young. Even now I'm older I still resent her for this. Hard to admit and I feel bad for it but its the truth.

Even if you have siblings a lot of the time caring for elderly parents comes down to one of them more than the others. People move around a lot more than they used to so often the sibling is too far away to help much, or sometimes the majority of the caring is done by the sibling who doesn't work as many hours.

warby68

missbiggles1 wrote: »

You resent your mother for being widowed and elderly? Have I misunderstood?

Even when there are two or more siblings there is often just the one who does nearly everything for their parents - you can't force people to be responsible or to share.

Yes you have misunderstood although your second paragraph suggests you know what I meant.

missbiggles1

warby68 wrote: »

Yes you have misunderstood although your second paragraph suggests you know what I meant.

Well, obviously you have nobody to share the responsibilties with but is that any reason to resent it?

IMO, one of the great things about being an only child is that you don't have to share your parents with anybody (as a child) and you get all the attention.

Swings and roundabouts, I suppose.

Brighton_belle

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Well, obviously you have nobody to share the responsibilties with but is that any reason to resent it?

IMO, one of the great things about being an only child is that you don't have to share your parents with anybody (as a child) and you get all the attention.

Swings and roundabouts, I suppose.

Well if, for example, it's a case of a deeply difficult woman being my mother who didn't give me a particularly loving childhood, then yes, I can imagine resenting 30 years of her being demanding of my constant attention.
It's not always a good thing to get the 100% attention of a neurotic and difficult parent when growing up either.

cyantist

chelseablue wrote: »

I think at the moment I'm just looking forward to the childcare cost reducing (Sounds bad I know but this is a money saving site)

I assume at least some of this money will be spent on things that benefit your son. Your list of what the money can go on seems to benefit mainly you. But will there be more holidays, more days out, less money worries in general which may mean less hours at work or at least less stress?

So it's not selfish to stick with one. I know someone who stuck at one because she thought it would be selfish to have another and reduce the time and money she had to spend on her first child.

onlyroz

missbiggles1 wrote: »

IMO, one of the great things about being an only child is that you don't have to share your parents with anybody (as a child) and you get all the attention.

Which also has a tendency to produce spoiled brats that think the world revolves around them. My niece is a case in point.

missbiggles1

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Well if, for example, it's a case of a deeply difficult woman being my mother who didn't give me a particularly loving childhood, then yes, I can imagine resenting 30 years of her being demanding of my constant attention.
It's not always a good thing to get the 100% attention of a neurotic and difficult parent when growing up either.

Not a unique situation but not normal either.

missbiggles1

onlyroz wrote: »

Which also has a tendency to produce spoiled brats that think the world revolves around them. My niece is a case in point.

Parents who are apt to spoil their children to this degree will do it whether they have only one or several.

Person_one

onlyroz wrote: »

Which also has a tendency to produce spoiled brats that think the world revolves around them. My niece is a case in point.

I think that's an unfair stereotype actually, and it must be really annoying for only children to keep hearing it.

Some of the most spoilt people I know (adults and kids) have been favourite children with less favoured siblings anyway, not only children.