Please verbally bash me to quell the urge to buy the new iphone

FatVonD

bobcat2 wrote: »

It's over £800, probably more from Very and doesn't even have a headphone socket, apparently this is because apple 'believe in a future without wires' ..not enough to put wireless charging on their phones though
Madness to even consider it ;-)

They will very kindly SELL you a headphone socket as an extra though!

abby1234519

FatVonD wrote: »

They will very kindly SELL you a headphone socket as an extra though!

Which I would lose the second I took it out of the box!!!!

I actually use bluetooth headphones/bluetooth stereo in my car at the moment but in my husbands car his radio only connects via the headphone socket so it would be no good for him to listen to his phone in the car

EssexHebridean

Car: Go back to the original post listing your debts, read it and think.
Write down the TOTAL of ALL your current debt. Everything that you physically owe to someone else, regardless of who that "someone" is.
Then add up ALL your currently available cash, cash, not cards, not credit. CASH. (And remember, by "currently available", this excludes anything that needs paying for as per your budget, and any debt repayments.

Take the cash figure from the debt figure, and write down the result, Write it in red, and make sure to put the minus symbol nice and clearly at the beginning.

That figure in front of you is the amount of money that you personally have to spend on "stuff" at the moment. Or rather, it's the amount that you DON'T have. So, should you buy a new car? Well no, you shouldn't - you don't have any money to pay for it!

As for "you can't go anywhere over christmas" - well of COURSE you can. Stand up, and take a look down - see those things on the floor, at the end of your legs? You'll find that those will take you to all SORTS of places, either absolutely free or via a small fee on public transport. Explore your local area, visit parks, feed the ducks (or squirrels, but watch your fingers), look at the christmas lights, take a bus journey to another town nearby and visit free attractions there.

I think you have to make a decision. You can keep on obsessing about spending all the time, in which case your situation is probably simply going to get worse, OR you can start to focus on really clearing your debt, and be in a position to give your child a really responsible set of parents to look up to and see as a good example in the future. Your call...

abby1234519

EssexHebridean wrote: »

As for "you can't go anywhere over christmas" - well of COURSE you can. Stand up, and take a look down - see those things on the floor, at the end of your legs? You'll find that those will take you to all SORTS of places, either absolutely free or via a small fee on public transport. Explore your local area, visit parks, feed the ducks (or squirrels, but watch your fingers), look at the christmas lights, take a bus journey to another town nearby and visit free attractions there.

I think you have to make a decision. You can keep on obsessing about spending all the time, in which case your situation is probably simply going to get worse, OR you can start to focus on really clearing your debt, and be in a position to give your child a really responsible set of parents to look up to and see as a good example in the future. Your call...

I didn't mean as in - activities etc. We have rather nice country walks near me and a bus stop outside my house . What I'm referring to is that my husband works nights and needs the car to get to work. So I can't go away for two days to see my mum as I'm not taking DS on a train ride at Christmas as it would be a nightmare, to get to mums I'd need to take a ridiculous amount of trains despite it only being a 90 minute drive away, by train it's quadrupled. So what happens internally is that I get a bit blergh and then try to think of a solution. The first stupid solution that comes to mind is the one I latch on to. I don't suffer from bipolar (a lot of my family does however) but it's similar in the respect that you get this "amazing" idea and really do need talking down from it. I have more control than I used to do but I have moments. And yes I am obsessed with spending money, very badly. I have always acknowledged that and it's not as simple as just don't spend, which was my grandmas advice. If it was that simple I wouldn't be in debt. It's a constant battle. I basically have to find something else to be obsessed with! I.e being frugal - competing with myself to spend as little much money as possible. Probably just as unhealthy as spending but what else can I do

Lonire

Hi there,

I am a recent newbie to this forum and completely get what you mean about spending, it is harder than just not spending. I have turned my attention to trying to take more care of myself in terms of reading books about mindfulness and trying yoga. It can be quite good in making you realise you don't need to spend and the more possessions you have the more worries you have.. I have begun to remind myself of that when I am on the verge of buying something and so far I have realised I don't REALLY need it and put it back. So in short, instead of spending, my new mindfulness is my new obsession... so far so good.

Apple are so expensive. I still have an iPhone 6 and coming to the end of my contract so def going on a sim only deal and cannot wait. That means an extra 30-40 pound toward my debt.

Anyway, good luck.

abby1234519

Lonire wrote: »

Hi there,

I am a recent newbie to this forum and completely get what you mean about spending, it is harder than just not spending. I have turned my attention to trying to take more care of myself in terms of reading books about mindfulness and trying yoga. It can be quite good in making you realise you don't need to spend and the more possessions you have the more worries you have.. I have begun to remind myself of that when I am on the verge of buying something and so far I have realised I don't REALLY need it and put it back. So in short, instead of spending, my new mindfulness is my new obsession... so far so good.

Apple are so expensive. I still have an iPhone 6 and coming to the end of my contract so def going on a sim only deal and cannot wait. That means an extra 30-40 pound toward my debt.

Anyway, good luck.

I'm really trying to up the amount of outside things I do with DS at the weekend - I think spending happens when I am bored or feeling low as well (many reasons for spending really) and so hopefully by doing things that produce endorphins, I will not need to spend!

EssexHebridean

abby1234519 wrote: »

I didn't mean as in - activities etc. We have rather nice country walks near me and a bus stop outside my house . What I'm referring to is that my husband works nights and needs the car to get to work. So I can't go away for two days to see my mum as I'm not taking DS on a train ride at Christmas as it would be a nightmare, to get to mums I'd need to take a ridiculous amount of trains despite it only being a 90 minute drive away, by train it's quadrupled. So what happens internally is that I get a bit blergh and then try to think of a solution. The first stupid solution that comes to mind is the one I latch on to. I don't suffer from bipolar (a lot of my family does however) but it's similar in the respect that you get this "amazing" idea and really do need talking down from it. I have more control than I used to do but I have moments. And yes I am obsessed with spending money, very badly. I have always acknowledged that and it's not as simple as just don't spend, which was my grandmas advice. If it was that simple I wouldn't be in debt. It's a constant battle. I basically have to find something else to be obsessed with! I.e being frugal - competing with myself to spend as little much money as possible. Probably just as unhealthy as spending but what else can I do

Exactly that. Distraction therapy, self-administered, effectively. It does work, I promise you, but equally it does require a bit of determination.

I suspect you will be a good candidate for a reward strategy as you pay off too - so focus on something (Small - NOT a car or an iPhone!) that you want, and then set yourself a goal to reach to reward yourself with that thing. What often happens, in fact, is that your focus builds and by the time you reach your goal you no longer want to "waste" money on the thing you'd chosen as a reward.

EssexHebridean

Lonire wrote: »

Hi there,

I am a recent newbie to this forum and completely get what you mean about spending, it is harder than just not spending. I have turned my attention to trying to take more care of myself in terms of reading books about mindfulness and trying yoga. It can be quite good in making you realise you don't need to spend and the more possessions you have the more worries you have.. I have begun to remind myself of that when I am on the verge of buying something and so far I have realised I don't REALLY need it and put it back. So in short, instead of spending, my new mindfulness is my new obsession... so far so good.

Apple are so expensive. I still have an iPhone 6 and coming to the end of my contract so def going on a sim only deal and cannot wait. That means an extra 30-40 pound toward my debt.

Anyway, good luck.

No idea what Network you are on but it's worth knowing that if you're inside your last three months and with EE they'll match that Plusnet deal in the weekly email last week - or at least *nearly* match it. Guessing there is a good chance that other providers may do the same mind, so might be worth a phone call.

abby1234519

EssexHebridean wrote: »

Exactly that. Distraction therapy, self-administered, effectively. It does work, I promise you, but equally it does require a bit of determination.

I suspect you will be a good candidate for a reward strategy as you pay off too - so focus on something (Small - NOT a car or an iPhone!) that you want, and then set yourself a goal to reach to reward yourself with that thing. What often happens, in fact, is that your focus builds and by the time you reach your goal you no longer want to "waste" money on the thing you'd chosen as a reward.

This is a clever idea! When you say small...how small

My perception of what is a reasonable amount of money is somewhat skewed - for example I reaaaally want an Apple Watch (£369) which is a lot of money I guess. I've wanted one for ages but managed to resist. For example, if I managed to underspend by 10% over 6 months and also save my pocket money to pay for it then that could be a reward. But £369 is also a largeish payment to make on a credit card!

EssexHebridean

abby1234519 wrote: »

This is a clever idea! When you say small...how small

My perception of what is a reasonable amount of money is somewhat skewed - for example I reaaaally want an Apple Watch (£369) which is a lot of money I guess. I've wanted one for ages but managed to resist. For example, if I managed to underspend by 10% over 6 months and also save my pocket money to pay for it then that could be a reward. But £369 is also a largeish payment to make on a credit card!

Smaller than that! Yes, £369 is a lot of money - perspective
- you can feed yourself and OH for 3 months on that.
- Think how long that amount of fuel in your car would last you
- or indeed what proportion of your year's car insurance it would cover
- It ought to cover your mobile bill for well over a year
- or it might cover your ENTIRE present spend for a whole year.

Now think on what value the watch would give you? (I'd say answers on a postcard, but actually the back of a postage stamp would probably do!)

Rewards - I'd suggest a percentage of what you have paid off. Perhaps 5%? But in sensible sized lumps, so make your first goal £1,000. If you set your reward at £50 max, then against your Apple Watch, that gives you an extra £319 to pay off towards the debt, and takes you nearly a third of the way to your NEXT £1k goal.

Of course you *could* stash your £50 into savings and save for your watch, if you still felt that was what you really wanted to buy. Or why not look for some of the cheaper alternatives that do the same job, and may be quicker to save for?

Another suggestiuon for you. Look up "Martin's Money Mantras" and write down the ones that apply to you.