I can do this!

MrsTinks

In a return to lighter matters... ie the Demon Daughter.

Last night was somewhat tedious to say the least. After a long day at work, stressing about stuff in that work manner, I made it home... here I find the fruits of my womb happily painting a DIY trinket box from HobbyCraft I was conned into buying because she was very well behaved at the car dealership on Sunday whilst I spent an ungodly amount on a new safer mode of transport to ferry her about in... No biggie but it was unsupervised, at my kitchen table, with nothing protecting the table cover (like newspaper) and in her school uniform *sigh*... Realizing by this point the jumper is probably toast anyway and clearly my table cover will never be the same I just headed straight for the fridge and a can of lovely cider I had left over from doing pork at the weekend...

After a few minutes of extra dabbing and perfecting child declares her masterpiece as "complete"! Looks me in the eye and says "but don't move it mummy, you'll smudge it"... This was the first eye twitch trigger.

Declaring I shan't move it until it's done drying, fret not (might drop it at that point of course...) the little cherub then looks at me bored and asks what she shall do next? I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting to have to entertain my 7 year old as usually by now she's either destroying my livingroom or watching either cartoons or "how things are made" videos on youtube (I have no idea where this sudden desire to learn stuff has come from...). I had plans for my evening of throwing something in the oven for dinner (because apparently husbeast working from home can't do that... he's too busy on calls and his xbox to lumber into the kitchen and throw food in the oven or empty the alien contraception that is lovingly called "the washing machine" by me) - then I was going to do a little more work and to round it all up nicely I was planning on tidying and cleaning my kitchen, which given that apparently I'm the only to prepare meals in seems to get incredibly untidy and messy in my absence... this confuses me.

And this folks was when I made a GRAVE error of judgement! I had the insane idea of suggesting to my child that she... tidy... her... room...

Now I can appreciate that this is a dull affair, frankly I'm not keen on tidying either, but it features slightly higher on my list than "appearing on Hoarders across the nations screens, explaining that I only have 4 cats and 1 child not counting the husbeast..." so I do it and when I don't have time I pay some unsuspecting OCD friend to do it for me!

Apparently what I said and she heard were two different things though... I am CERTAIN I said "well I think you hsould go and tidy your room for half an hour before dinner, daddy will be so happy as he did ask you last week and over the weekend..." - apparently what SHE heard was: Thou shall go to the deepest depths of HELL. There you shall suffer from pins being stick in your body until you can stand it no more, then you shall suffer it a bit more, because what else is the point? Once this is done thou shall walk on broken glass until you bleed, you shall have to listen to political satire and there will be.... NO TV!!!!!"
Obviously this mad punishment was met with righteous indignation! She had no wish to plunge into hell and it was only on threat of removal of iPad that it stomped upstairs. "phew" thought I... "that was fairly painless!" - oh how wrong I was!
After 10 minutes (surely not long enough for the needle/pin part of hell?) my little blonde demon hops into the kitchen and (I kid you not) places one arm on the table, looks at me and says: "Mummy, this tidying up my room just really isn't me"...

...

...

...

"uhmmm right darling, but do you know what? You need to do it anyway... mummy doesn't like it either and she has to tidy up the WHOLE house..."

Cue 2 massive tantrums (none were mine), threats of loss of TV, iPad, xbox and any other gadget going for a full week. There was door slamming and stair stomping but I stood my ground. That's right folks! There is now a path from the door to her bed where I can almost see the floor! :T:T:T

I opened a second can of cider after nearly drowning the child in a shower and evicting a live mouse that one of the cats brought me to make me feel better...

*sigh*

EssexHebridean

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Well done!! Did you forget the"LOTS" of frozen cocktails in the freezer though? Sounds like those would have been JUST the ticket for dealing with that! :rotfl:

If the car needed replacement anyway, and the deal was as good as it sounds on what you ended up with, then that sounds like a sensible decision. My Clio has TWICE withstood mad foreign lorry drivers slamming into the side of it thanks to the solid steel panels inside the doors - so I know exactly where you're coming from on the safety thing, too. It makes me cringe when I see people on the motorway in Smart Cars and the like.

MrsTinks

I may have reduced the "lots" of frozen cocktails over the weekend... by about 3 or 4 lol besides they need to defrost slightly before you can drink them - cider was instant!

I've basically gone from a small Leon to a somewhat larger saloon... like pretty damn big (not an A8 - but big enough!) Husbeast is a little miffed I got in essence a better car than him for about half the price just because it has 12000 miles on it hahaha

MrsTinks

Irony... Car value increases 200%, engine power increases by about 130bhp and car insurance reduces... the mind boggles.

EssexHebridean

:rotfl::rotfl: Typical - no logic to insurance is there! Something to do with the safety thing, perhaps!

My next car will almost certainly be along the same lines - I'll be second owner after someone who changes cars regularly. I've done this before and there really are bargains to be had!

MrsTinks

EssexHebridean wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl: Typical - no logic to insurance is there! Something to do with the safety thing, perhaps!

My next car will almost certainly be along the same lines - I'll be second owner after someone who changes cars regularly. I've done this before and there really are bargains to be had!

It does have a great immobilizer and alarm lol unknown to them it will also have a camera but I didn't declare it yet hehehe

MrsTinks

All being well I should be picking up the new car this evening - and I'm desperately trying to be interested in work, but it's really just not happening!

I mean come on! It's been nearly three years since my little Leon came home with me, and that was bought because I got a ridiculously good price on it (trade price as I worked with VWG at the time so I basically bought it direct from them so no dealer cut) - I couldn't keep the mini I had as it was just not suited for the roads I was driving. It wasn't a colour I liked (It's bright blue) even if I have grown to love it

SO I'm at work with the christmas tunes blaring out as everyone is out apart from me :rotfl: Nothing like "Stop the cavalry" to make you bob your head along with the tunes

Yes yes it's early, but only by a week hehehe:rotfl:

MrsTinks

Ahhhhh Friday! Hooray! Wine! Double hooray! :j

So this week I got my new car and it's flaming fabulous!
It is everything I knew it would be and they threw in a few extras for not having the new tyres ready for when I picked it up. Husbeast "volunteered" to drive it over today and get them fitted as they were in and I have a posh boot tidy (OMG who grassed me up??? The car I traded in was clean and tidy dammit!), a valet kit (AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHA *cough* yeah... that'll never get used...) and a back of the front seat coat hanger. As a "sorry for the inconvenience - which was nice as it was me who was pushing for them to have the car ready for me in a matter of days! Ooooops!

Aaaaany way... It's been an insanely long work week, I'm now chilling in the kitchen with a large glass of wine. This was my day today:

SCHOOL CHRISTMAS FAYRE - note spelling!

Yes it was the annual pilgrimage to the blonde bouncy nutjobs school holiday thingy. At least they used the word Christmas, I loathe all these "politically correct" terms, I'm not religious (far from it... setting foot in churches makes me smoulder and I consider any escape where I am not singed on the edges as a serious fluke!), but when I was little it was called Christmas! (Ok actually it was called Jul or Yule, but I'm foreign and I like the term Christmas! So sue me! )

I digress. Having left work a little early to avoid the traffic jams for the local retail village (yeah, who sticks their school faYRE on black friday when last year the town ground to a solid state for about 12 hours???) I managed to pick up the hyped up elf-wanna-be and with manic grin on my face I navigated my way to the school. The first sign something was amiss was when only 30 minutes in there was a parking space clearing only 2 cars from the road to the school! This is unheard of but I did not question my luck! It was a good big space too! You know the PERFECT space? The one wit enough room to park easily but not so much the other mummies and daddies view your parking with loathing because you "could have move forward/backward a little so someone else could have parked!". Noooo this space had ample space for the estate and NOT, crucially, enough for even a small stinky fiat 500! :beer:

Bouncing with my luck of parking I semi-optimistically followed my by now bouncing off the cars/fences/trees/stray cats off spring to the dreaded event.

This, ladies and asparagus is where I found to my utter dismay (ok ok I nearly cried with joy!) that in fact it was a fairly scaled down version of previous years efforts! I didn't have to spend 15 minutes queuing for the bottle raffle (the main saving grace!) because 45 minutes in to the 2 hour event they were nearly out of prizes! Hooray! (works out cheaper to buy a bottle of wine rather than trying to win one... and I don't end up with 3 bottles of shampoo, a superman shower gel and a bottle of something I think was decorative oil?) Despite my best efforts I was still forced to trawl all the stalls by the demon beast, but I'm only down about £4... normally this visit costs me well in excess of £20 (ok fine most of it is trying to win a bottle of damn wine and then paying for a pretty bag to carry all the shower gel back!).

After tentatively suggesting to my now sugar high bairn that maybe we should leave, I managed to buy my way out with a chocolate muffin type thing and a glass of orange squash! WIN!

Anyway - this unexpected luck means I was back scoffing cheese and ryvita in record time. Interestingly the red onion marmalade and christmas chutney I made 2 years ago had matured beautifully! :T Apparently it's not out of date because I haven't died yet and it's been like 2 hours (and nearly a bottle of wine) and I totally should be dead by now shouldn't I? If it was off I mean Honestly that chutney is !!!!!!!g amazing! Go 2 years younger me!!!

Tomorrow the new car and I (and I guess husbeast) will be trundling down to Marlow for lunch - by pure fluke I have a reservation at a exceedingly posh restaurant. It's a bit early but it's my birthday meal thingy and I'm really excited first week of December I'm also out for dinner, but in London with work. One shall be dining in Rules on the Chairmans dime! HA! They have a FIIIIIINE winelist that I should never intend on ordering from because :eek::eek::eek::eek: however as I know the chairman can afford it I shall be enjoying that fine winelist :D:D *note - must order taxi for trip back from restaurant *hick**

Right... probably time to stop boring everyone...

MistyMountainTop

MrsTinks wrote: »

Right... probably time to stop boring everyone...

Your diary is anything but boring - it always cheers me right up when I read it!

MrsTinks

Alas I am now OOOOOOLD!!!! I need walking sticks and probably should look at getting a zimmer frame...

I have been MIA from my diary as I didn't want to admit I'm now a WHOLE year older. Actually I'm not really, I'm only a week and a bit older since last, but now I have to remember to put a different age in when forms ask me how old I am and frankly I think it's just rude to ask! *humph!*

The female parental unit has been for her annual pilgrimage to visit her favourite child (HA! She visits because I hold her only grandchild hostage!) - unfortunately the glorious grand child reciprocated the waves of love bestowed on her by appropriately throwing up like a star from poltergeist. I don't do sick... no really. It's not a conscious thing. I. CAN. NOT. DO. SICK. I gag and end up throwing up myself if I have to deal with it... I will sort what I need to because I'm the slave/mum, but I will likely throw up whilst imitating a far skinnier Cinders on all fours scrubbing away.

Ended up working from home today as apparently schools also do not do sick. Dang it people where do you think she picked this up in the first place!!! Lesson here people is to NOT be honest - do NOT inform reception that child has been iffy over the weekend because I swear they place a massive "UNCLEAN" sticker on your childs file! Well - they're having her tomorrow - 48 hours smours. It'll have been 38 hours and they will just need to deal with that so there! HA!

So anyway - I've survived a full day with my evil devil spawn, I've managed to do some minimal work - bleurgh - and nearly set up for my new fun contract job - SQUEEEEEE

Must go prepare to do battle with HMRC and try to re-register as self employed because apparently they like to make that insanely complicated! ARGH!!! (Pondering ordering a true viking axe and armour for the impending battle!)