How easy is it for my mum to kick my brother out?

Rosemary7391

fairy_lights wrote: »

Four members of a family sleeping in one room because the parents are too lazy to use a bedroom, even when it's cleared out for them? A ten year old sharing a bed with his mother and a six year old sleeping in A COT?!
Frankly I would call social services, they don't sound fit to be parents.

He said it was a sofa... not even a bed. To be fair, if the parents don't see the need for a bed for themselves I can kind of understand why the kids don't have beds. Only by association, not any other way! A bed was one of the first pieces of furniture I bought for myself.

Tigsteroonie

daytona0 wrote: »

Your suggestion of renting a smaller property is effectively the same as booting the guy out right now. There is little difference! Either way , the guy must be told that he is no longer welcome. One way is passive, one is assertive....

If the Mother was capable of doing this in an aggressive way, then the Brother wouldn't be there right now. The fact that he is, taking advantage and not paying his full way, suggests that the Mother isn't capable of standing up to him directly - so yes, I was suggesting a more passive way of achieving the aim.

With one mortgage already threatened with closure and the only alternative a high-rate mortgage, she is obviously considered a risk. Not everybody is cut out to be a home-owner, not everybody wants to be. Renting is an alternative. She could even rent a smaller place for six months to get breathing space from the rest of the family, and then consider buying a smaller house that is less of a financial risk.

Andrew_Ryan_89

Rosemary7391 wrote: »

Is there any reason that your brother and his girlfriend don't seem capable of running a home? Or getting their children proper beds? I'm really baffled by this situation

Nope. None at all. It completely baffles me too. Back when my brother was getting kicked out of his university apartments and eventually university itself, we put it down to a immaturity. When he decided to have a child when he had no property or job of his own, we put it down to carelessness. When he had a second child in the same situation we put it down to stupidity.

When he got kicked out of his final house and started living in our living room, not refurbishing the two large rooms, getting his priorities completely and utterly wrong when it came to money and allowing his children to grow up in a single room, them skipping school and one still sleeping in a cot at 6 years of age. There are no words to describe that mentality.

maman

Is your brother looking forward to the wedding?

fairy_lights

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

When he got kicked out of his final house and started living in our living room, not refurbishing the two large rooms, getting his priorities completely and utterly wrong when it came to money and allowing his children to grow up in a single room, them skipping school and one still sleeping in a cot at 6 years of age. There are no words to describe that mentality.

What about his girlfriend? Is she happy living like that?

Andrew_Ryan_89

fairy_lights wrote: »

What about his girlfriend? Is she happy living like that?

Just as content and she is a big problem too. I would come home sometimes to find a couple of table clothes in the washing machine (such a waste of electricity). She would feed the children trash pretty much everyday (McDonalds, burgers, pizza etc.) and it took my nephew by himself to copy my sister (who is a bit of a health fanatic) and lose some weight. She is constantly screaming at the children and speaks to them in a way which is borderline abuse and disgraceful (calling her son an idiot on numerous occasions, questioning his intelligence and being completely unreasonable in her response to minor issues like leaving his toys out)

Rosemary7391

Is the school, or anyone else outside the family, aware of the living conditions?

FBaby

I think the best thing you can do is not get involved. You clearly have a very negative view of them, which is quite understanding, but is likely to impact on your view of the all situation.

The reality is that your mum has allowed this to happen and for that, she must have her own reasons. You can't impose your reasons on her because you think yours are right and hers are wrong.

I expect she has allowed it because this way, she gets to keep an eye on what is happening and is worried that if she kicks them out, things will be even worse for the kids. At least this way, even if they are not growing up in the best environment, it is better than what it could be.

It really is up to her (and your sister) do decide what to do in their own house. I know how frustrating if it is to witness the situation feeling helpless, but it doesn't mean that it is your responsibility to sort it out the way you think it should. Just be there for your mum if she comes to you for your support.

Detroit

OP, you've just got married, started a new job and have some issues with your T&C there, are looking for an evening job, and trying to help your friend with their job issues.

I think you have a lot going on in your own life, and at a time when your new wife and own life should be getting your full attention.

If you feel the children's welfare is at risk then social services should be contacted, otherwise, there's little you can do here, as this is between your mom and brother.

You've been told the legal position and can be there to support your mom if necessary, but ultimately in your position, with so many other things happening in your life, I would avoid getting drawn into this.

Other family members involving themselves unnecessarily, can make these situations more complex than need be, and cause rifts between individuals who needed not be involved.

Tigsteroonie

daytona0 wrote: »

The mother IS CAPABLE of doing it the "aggressive" way (assertive is the word you were looking for)! She just hasn't been kicked up the bum yet!

And I bet nothing changes in the next year, because if she were capable, she'd have done it before now.

Don't you like people having opinions that differ from yours? Yawn.