How much to pay boyfriend for living with him

usernameisvalid

sez655 wrote: »

I'm totally shocked at how many replies this has had! I have been at work all day & haven't got time at the moment to read all, but thank you for taking the time to reply!
I have just realised that I missed a vital piece of information! The mortgage is in his parents name (he couldn't get one because of the issues he had when his ex left) & they have quite a bit towards the deposit. They have said that when we have children they will sign the house over to "us".
And as for some of the not so nice comments about us trying for a baby, we are very happy together, and I'm am now very close to his family (his mum was cautious to start with as she didn't want him getting hurt/in financial trouble again). Both don't think anything of spending money on furniture, decorating etc & on each other. My question about the kitchen etc was because I know that will add value to the house, he has said that he would pay for it all but I feel that I'd like to help. We would love to buy a house together but as I said, he can't get a mortgage in his name & I don't earn enough.

Why only give half the story when looking advice, then be upset about the advice given?


Myself personally would not be having any thoughts about having a child by any man whis not prepared to put the wedding ring on the finger

The wedding ring knocks any so called pre nups or agreements into touch

I wouldn't even think about this man as a partner, he's obviously not.

Partners works together, share and get through good and bad times together

They certainly don't post " how much should I be paying to live with my boyfriend "

baby_lemonade

sez655 wrote: »

Hi,
I live with my boyfriend, have done for over a year. When I moved in his parents took us along to a lawyer & got me to sign to say that I wasn't entitled to any money etc from the house as he had paid the mortgage for 6 years (and was previously screwed big time by an ex). The mortgage is in their names & they helped him with the deposit as his ex really did a job on his finances & credit rating. I understand this, but I did say that I will only pay the bills, nothing towards to mortgage.
We calculated at the time that the bills came in at approx 200ish. It was agreed that I pay 200 a month (same as I paid my nanny when I lived at hers previously) & put £50 into a "food allowance" which he also does + we both buy additional food/house items etc. I added an extra 10 when I got a lizard so now pay 210.
We have since recalculated & the bills are now approx 310. He hasn't said anything about it, but I'm thinking of giving him more... what do you think??
To give a bit more info, I earn approx £18000 before tax & he's on approx £32000 before tax. We both save each month & we are now trying for our first baby so then I'll be part time.
Also, the house really could do with a bit of work doing i.e. Bathroom needs doing before child comes & eventually we will need a new kitchen + other things. Should I put money towards them as they are something I'd use, but I'll never get anything back when he sells etc.
Any help, comments (not nasty) & suggestions of amount would also be appreciated.
Thanks in advance! Sez

so you pay £200 + £50 + £10 (=£260) per month out of approximately £1200 take home pay

he pays £?? mortgage out of approx £2100 take home pay.

You just need to sit down and do an s.o.a. together. How much of whose money is going into savings, and how much towards the bills. It does sound like you could afford to pay £310 (plus food plus lizard) but obviously we don't know what your other outgoings are.

Mojisola

sez655 wrote: »

I live with my boyfriend, have done for over a year.

When I moved in his parents took us along to a lawyer & got me to sign to say that I wasn't entitled to any money etc from the house as he had paid the mortgage for 6 years

The mortgage is in their names & they helped him with the deposit

sez655 wrote: »

I have just realised that I missed a vital piece of information! The mortgage is in his parents name

Whose names are on the deeds?

If it's only the parents, then you two are their tenants.

Why would you pay for a new kitchen in a house you are only renting?

gettingtheresometime

Mojisola wrote: »

Whose names are on the deeds?

If it's only the parents, then you two are their tenants.

Why would you pay for a new kitchen in a house you are only renting?

I thought the names on a mortgage had to be the same as those on the deeds.

Personally there's no way would I pay for a new kitchen unless there was a way of recouping some or all the money if it went pear shaped.

What I don't understand is why would the parents sign over the house once a child appeared....a reward for providing a grandchild??

Also you might want to rethink your attitude to marriage - there have been numerous threads over the years where someone thought marriage was just a piece of paper and then disaster has struck and suddenly that piece of paper would have made all the difference

System

sez655 wrote: »

Hi,
I live with my boyfriend, have done for over a year.

Detroit wrote: »

I don't know if his parents would be happy.

I guess that depends on whether their relationship with the OP has developed over the last year to one of trust.

I'd imagine their priority will be their sons interests, which is understandable.

However, I saw no indication in the OP that the partner would now prioritize their view over that of the OP.

Thank you! That is spot on! Me & his mum did not see eye to eye at first, she was very protective of her son because of how badly things went with his ex, but now we are very close & we see each other as family now

System

baby_lemonade wrote: »

so you pay £200 + £50 + £10 (=£260) per month out of approximately £1200 take home pay

he pays £?? mortgage out of approx £2100 take home pay.

You just need to sit down and do an s.o.a. together. How much of whose money is going into savings, and how much towards the bills. It does sound like you could afford to pay £310 (plus food plus lizard) but obviously we don't know what your other outgoings are.

I don't have any other outgoings other than my car insurance, tax & petrol which are minimal as I rarely use my car & I always pay up for the year. All other money I put in savings or spend 😬 & I don't have any debt.
He on the other hand does, when his ex screwed him (weeks b4 getting married) he ended up in quite a lot of debt & major negative equity on a house when he had to sell it + student loan etc... don't get me wrong, we both live very comfortably & between us save around 8-900 a month most months!

FBaby

So you are about to try for a baby. Have you yet discussed the dynamics of the family once baby is here? Whether you’ll continue to work or not, full-time or part-time, how you will deal with the cut in the family income? You say he has bad credit rating, doesn’t that concern you? Have you discussed the implication of this? I really don’t mean to be come across as patronising, but I just cannot understand why you would have been having the discussion about having a baby, coming off birth control etc… but have none or very little discussion about money. Whether you pay more or not a question or right or wrong, and therefore asking advice from strangers. It’s about what it right for you and him, ie. a discussion to have together.

System

To be honest I only posted on here because I registered following an email from MSE & thought I'd see what this forum is like. TBH I wish I hadn't now! I didn't realise I would have to explain every aspect of our lives, of course we have discussed it & have a plan in place. I was asking about the here & now. Not that I should feel I need to tell you all, but I have fertility issues so we have decided to start trying now as age also isn't on my side! I am now going to remove myself & not look on here anymore.
Thank you to the few people that have genuinely helped.

paddy's_mum

Actually, we have all helped because sometimes the most valuable result of varying views is discovering which aspects are the most unpalatable or unjust to one's own way of thinking.

I also feel that having given erroneous information in your opening post, missing out such a crucial fact as the true ownership of the house you live in, cannot have done anything other than muddy the waters and lead to the responses you got, and which clearly you didn't much like.

That doesn't make us wrong, or mistaken, or lacking in experience of life or unfair or spiteful.

A forum is always going to give you many sides of the same coin but in the words of the old saying 'some object to the dancer, some object to the fan'. The reader is free to take what is of value and discard the rest.

Good luck with your future plans.

paddy's_mum

Opening post now heavily edited into one sentence so that we all look like hypercritical doom-mongers. .... Sigh!