Project Mortgage Neutral Begins

ajmoney

It has been a strange few days.

I had an appointment with a vascular surgeon on Saturday morning at the local hospital to assess my varicose veins on the long, slow attempt to be referred for surgery.  At every stage over the last few years I keep being told they are not bad enough to warrant surgery and while I knew this was another appointment I was expecting to hear the same line and be stopped from going any further when she initially hinted that this would be the case I burst into tears.  I actually left with a referral although I am not sure if it would have happened if I hadn't got so emotional, I had tried to keep it in but while the are apparently not bad she agreed that it was affecting my quality of life.  No idea if the next appointment will be any help but I have been assured I shouldn't need to another 15 months for it! 

About 20 minutes later I got a call from my sister saying my nan's health had taken a dranatic turn and wasn't expected to survive the day, we have been waiting for this for the last 2 weeks so while it wasn't a shock it was still strange.  My mum called my later that night to let me know she had passed away.  It is now a bit of a waiting game to find out when the funeral will be, we are hoping to know in the next couple of days although it appears it might be 10-14 days until it will take place which seems quite a long time, especially as if it goes to the later part of that time frame I won't be able to go

I seem to be coping ok with it all at the moment, I rang Mr AJM to chat after my mum called which was nice.  I have learned a lot about myself over the mast few months and am happy I am able to recognise signs for when I may struggle to deal with things.  So far I haven't spotted any of my usual triggers but I am deliberately giving myself more time while my brain processes everything that is going on.  Bizarrely I have really got into knitting (this is where I want the ROTFL face from the old site).

I have no money news but everything seems to be going ok with my budgetting.

Suffolk_lass

Sorry to hear about your Nan. Hopefully she enjoyed a long and happy life and the end does not impact happy memories of her in good form too much. I suppose the time before funeral is because there are more deaths at this time of year and more pressure on the authorities

savingholmes

Sorry to hear about your loss. Hope you don't have to wait too long for a funeral date.
Good news about the referral for surgery for you.

A_Frayed_Knot

Sorry to hear about your nan, even though you had been expecting this for the past two weeks, it still doesn't make it any easier.  Hopefully the arrangements won't take as long as you think and that you are able to attend.

Good news about surgery.

ajmoney

Still no word about the funeral, my mum said my grandad's took a while to book so maybe it is just in that area.  I can't see it being before the end of next week now which probably means I won't be able to go

Just finished knitting all the suqares for my friends teddies, I just need to work out how to put it all together now.

A_Frayed_Knot

Can take a while to arrange if in the country rather in the city.  From experience, it turned out that the area we wanted only arranged 1 funeral a day in that area and surrounding area.

ajmoney

So my nan passed on Saturday 15th and my aunts aren't meeting the funeral directors until Tuesday 25th!!!  It is looking very doubtful that I will be able to go to the funeral now. 

Today I am using my diary as somewhere anonymous to post.  With the uncertainty over the funeral and a strange couple of days I seem to be going into a bit of a relapse with my mental health and I am unsure where else I can let this out so it doesn't eat away at me anymore.  I have an exercise the doctor gave me which I am going to try, today is the first of four days off and I do not want them to be wasted with negativity.  The exercise is largely based on looking at your reactions, assessing them to see if you could have reacted differently and how you would advise someone else in the same situation.  I am pretty sure the inability to talk to others about what is going on is the root cause but I am unsure how to rectify that so I feel a call to my dad later may be in order although even some of that will probably need to be filtered.

Getting off the sofa and doing anything today is not going to be easy.

savingholmes

It's not unusual for grief to feel like a MH wobble. It can be really intense and make you question other areas of your life. If you struggle to talk to people - perhaps try writing in a journal to get it out of your system. 

ajmoney

savingholmes said:

It's not unusual for grief to feel like a MH wobble. It can be really intense and make you question other areas of your life. If you struggle to talk to people - perhaps try writing in a journal to get it out of your system. 

I would gladly talk to people and indeed it is the way I have been able to make progress with my mental health.  Unfortunately in my family it has been the way we have been brought up, brush everything under the caroet and don't talk about it.  In my own life I am trying to make those changes and break the cycle but when discussions with my family would help me move forward I hit a brick wall.  I am meeting Mr AJM to go to a book talk and signing later tonight so will proach part of the discussion with him and get his take on things.  I certainly intend to write everything down to get it out of my head and learn from it.

Suffolk_lass

Have you looked at the NHS Every Mind Matters link? there is a short Q&A and then some tailored suggestions to help, with little clips you can watch, based on the answers you give