Project Mortgage Neutral Begins

ajmoney

edinburgher said:

Who helped last time you got "stuck"? 

A counsellor through a scheme at work.  It is an awkward one because I don't register as needing enough help to go through the doctors, when I suggested I discharge myself a year ago (I felt confident enough to go it alone) he did say to use the same referral route I found if I needed help again as he agreed I probably wouldn't get referred again.  I still have the coping strategies he gave me last year and I do them but I also wasn't wholly honest about everything that was going on then and I don't know how easy I would find it to disclose them.  I have been quite honest with a couple of friends about my setback at the end of last year, it has led me on this journey of self discovery but it is unearthing things I am not sure I can deal with by myself.  Unfortunately I need to wait and find out what is going on at work before I can proceed.  I have read how stress, trauma etc can manifest itself in illness/sickness up to 6 months later and that certainly happened a couple of years ago when I witnessed a traumatic event and didn't get the help I was looking for straight away and am keen to avoid that.

That is a long ramble. 

ajmoney

Back to meal planning again...

savingholmes

If you can't get referred for free - you could potentially have counsellor appointments for around the £35-40 a session mark. If you had one a fortnight it wouldn't cost the earth but could help you. Alternatively, if you want to explore your future rather than your past you could look at a life coach. Fiona Harrold's Be your own life coach book could be a good place to start or 52 Life makeovers by Cheryl Richardson could also help. I've used both.

ajmoney

savingholmes said:

If you can't get referred for free - you could potentially have counsellor appointments for around the £35-40 a session mark. If you had one a fortnight it wouldn't cost the earth but could help you. Alternatively, if you want to explore your future rather than your past you could look at a life coach. Fiona Harrold's Be your own life coach book could be a good place to start or 52 Life makeovers by Cheryl Richardson could also help. I've used both.

Luckily I can get referred for free but I am trying to work out whether counselling or life coaching will work best for me.  I have read a life coach book but I will take a look at those too.

I would like to say today was an experience but I'm not sure if that is how I would describe it.  I was on a family zoom chat and we were discussing my work and what is happening with it at the moment, I gave a bit of information but said I might not be involved in some things for one reason or another and I was asked why.  I was skirting round the issue giving all the other reasons why but leaving out the fact I might struggle mentally at the moment and part way through I decided that for once raher than keeping it in to avoid others feeling uncomfortable I would give a basic explanation so they know I am finding things tough.  Fair enough, I didn't give any indication of the struggles I am feeling I have but I did open up for once, I might as well have been talking matter of factly about what I was having for dinner as no one really said anything and no follow up by a message from anyone afterwards.  I understand that some people aren't equipped to deal with these kinds of things and I didn't really divulge much but if ever I thought they were emotionally unavailable to me it is now and one of them in the background is a blooming life coach!!!!!!!!!!!!  I need to remember that is their problem not mine and not let it derail me trying to deal with things to make my life better but I find it quite a sad state of affairs all the same.  I have a plan to ask for an in person chat with my hierarchy tomorrow, preferably both but my immediate superior if they can't both make it and need to not let today lose the strength I have found to do this.

I hadn't expected my diary to descend into this, for weeks I have typed things and deleted them to keep them to myself. 

savingholmes

I think it's important to be honest - with the right people - about where you are at. I think protecting your mental health - particularly if you know you're vulnerable (like I do about myself) is very important - and will help you do more for longer than if you sweep it under the carpet and then snap at some point... Definitely good to talk - and if others can't handle it's on them - but learn from it and choose different people next time if possible. I know at work that may not always be an option...

ajmoney

@savingholmes Luckily I know who the right people are to talk to at work.  Time to be confident and strong and have a chat at work today, the two people I need/want to speak to are not only my management but friends and have some knowledge of what has gone on before.  It is just my own stigma I need to get over in talking to them.

It looks really cold outside, I don't think the weather knows if it is going to snow or rain here.

juliejim

Hope you managed to get your chat and it went well.
Always available for a chat if you want to.
We've had a bit of a fluttering of snow but it's been bitterly cold.
Jue

ajmoney

I did talk today.  It is funny listening to myself talk as I kind of play it down, I even said it sounds like it isn't that much.  I guess it proves it is good to talk even though I didn't really divulge much, I just need to do my referral now.  While I wait for an appointment I am going to try and remember the things that get me down or I would like help with so I don't downplay anything when the time comes. 

ajmoney

I am glad I made the journey into work yesterday as I am not sure I would get there safely in the snow today, the main motorways sound terrible nevermind the town roads.  I am going to do a little bit of work but I am considering a snow day or at least a half day, I have never seen this much snow since the last beast from the east and I am quite tempted to build a snowman!

ajmoney

I had a productive day yesterday but didn't quite achieve everything I wanted, unsurprisingly this assignment is still hanging over my head.  I got a reply back from the tutor yesterday which I think helps me so I am going to sit down, work through each part systematically and submit it today.  I just need to remember to complete it and not obsess over whether it is perfect!  The only other thing I want to do is walk, we have briliiant blue skies at the moment although we are forecast slow throughout the day.  The sooner I finish the assignment the sooner I can enjoy I walk in the sun, maybe with a podcast as it has been a few days since I last listened to one.  Here it goes...