Project Mortgage Neutral Begins

ajmoney

I thought I was so organised with my food today after my long day but I went to put my fish pie in the oven to find it hasn't defrosted enough so I guess it will be a takeaway tonight.

This morning's course was ok although the platform they use is rubbish for tech issues.

savingholmes

Good that you have the courses to keep you occupied and growing. It is hard working through boundary issues. I had a counsellor who taught me a little about boundaries

• 'No' is a complete sentence - no justification needed.
• 'Sorry that doesn't work for me' is a softer way of saying the same thing - again without giving justification or info they could use against you
• 'It's okay to change my mind'
• If you don't want to or can't cut toxic relationships out completely - try to limit their frequency... (ie don't answer the phone, limit call time and frequency, limit visit time and frequency, give yourself a pre-agreed cut off time)   

HTH

ajmoney

@savingholmes thank you for that.  I tried a simple no thank you to something the other day, it is a strange phenomenon to me and felt a little weird but it is a start.  The one that will be hard for me is when someone toxic or who just isn't thinking says something hurtful or cutting, normally I am so shocked and taken back that I say nothing and then it stays on my mind for a long time.  I don't spend much time in the company of people like this and normally turn the other way if I see them coming but I would like to be able to challenge them just by saying "that isn't appropriate" or "that isn't nice".  I know it is more about them than me but it isn't right.

After a panic of getting eveything set up for yesterday's learning I have already turned all the apps on my laptop this morning.  I have a walk with a colleague to look forward to this afternoon.  We are probably going to get soaked but it will be great to get outside all the same.

ajmoney

Today's walk was very windy, sleety and muddy but great to have a catch up.  One more morning left of my course and an hourish of study after and I will have finished this one, ready for another one to start on Friday evening.

It may be a little strange but I am thinking of doing something on Valentine's Day, for me obviously.  It falls on a Sunday which generally seems to be the worst day of the week for me and with all the hype surrounding it and lockdown wondering if it might help a little.

savingholmes

Sounds like a plan. What would you do? Confetti in the bath? Candle light? An extra special meal? Why not?

I read a book once about being angry on time as a way of reducing overall stress - something I and lots of others struggle with. I've got better at it. It was by G@1l L1nd3nfield.

ajmoney

savingholmes said:

Sounds like a plan. What would you do? Confetti in the bath? Candle light? An extra special meal? Why not?

I read a book once about being angry on time as a way of reducing overall stress - something I and lots of others struggle with. I've got better at it. It was by G@1l L1nd3nfield.

I haven't a clue about the valentine's idea, I don't have a bath so that idea is off the cards.  If the weather is ok I might go somewhere for the day and take a little picnic and then have a nice meanl, something different to usual but not sure what yet.  If the weather isn't great I might just take the picnic anyway and have it in the car.

How does the angry on time thing work?  I will have to look at this.  I don't get too angry generally but if any internal dialogue starts when I am bored/on my own it quickly descends into angry talk.  I think it is a result of not being able to voice some of my frustrations but my journalling is helping and I am picking specific guided meditations too.

ajmoney

My course has finished and I am trying to get on with my post coursework straight away rather than the usual procrastination although I definitely feel a change of scenery could be good for a little while.  Ordinarily I would go for a walk but the weather is horrible outside and I really don't feel like it, I think I need to give my brain a break for some perspective though.  I had wanted to submit it today but I think that might be a bit over-ambitious, I will definitely do it by tomorrow though.  It has been really great to work with a different group of people and share things in an open forum.  I had a great syndicate for the group work where I felt confident to share some of the areas I want to work on and they have given me some great suggestions and tips that will hopefully help in all areas of my work and personal life.

savingholmes

Glad the courses are helping. 
Angry on time - someone stands you up or is late - rather than saying it's fine. Say something on time like 'I'm sorry you were late too. I was really looking forward to x...' etc that way you are not attacking the other person but you are setting a line in the sand of what kind of behaviour is acceptable and what isn't and what your expectations are for future... 

ajmoney

savingholmes said:

Glad the courses are helping. 
Angry on time - someone stands you up or is late - rather than saying it's fine. Say something on time like 'I'm sorry you were late too. I was really looking forward to x...' etc that way you are not attacking the other person but you are setting a line in the sand of what kind of behaviour is acceptable and what isn't and what your expectations are for future... 

I like this approach.  One of the scenarios today we got to be the mentee in the relationship so I used my turn to discuss ways I could speak up for myself in the same way I do for others.  We had a really nice open conversation so it will be interesting to see how these things work in practice.

ajmoney

Absolutely exhausted this morning.  I have really been enjoying my weekdays when I start the day with exercise and therefore do something truly for me and my wellbeing before anything else but I felt so tired I thought I ahould probably give today's workout a miss.  Instead I did a yoga session to stretch my aches and pains and I feel so much better for it.

30 minutes and then I will be back to my laptop for more learning.