We're aware that some users are experiencing technical issues which the team are working to resolve. See the Community Noticeboard for more info. Thank you for your patience.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!

Bereft and Broken

Options
2456728

Comments

  • nkkingston
    nkkingston Posts: 488 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    I have no knowledge of Bacopa, but please, don't give medical advice unless you are a doctor in possession of all of the facts, and please, PLEASE don't take medical advice given online without consulting with a doctor first. You never know what's going to have a negative reaction with medication you're already taking. Herbal supplements are often sold as benign, but anything that has an effect also has a risk associated with it (and herbal supplements bought online often contain all sorts of nonsense and very little of what they claim to - it's so hard to regulate online sales).
    Mortgage
    June 2016: £93,295
    September 2021: £66,490
  • I actually was recommended Bacopa by my doctor. My neurologist mentioned that he had found it helped in some patients with Epilepsy in counter-acting the side effects of the meds I was on, which cause anxiety, stress and depression.

    He recommended a brand - a reputable brand which I bought. (Swanson) They are also sold in Holland and Barrett (same brand name) - I just couldn't get to a store to pick them up. So not concerned about "online sales".

    I did not stipulate that the poster should rush out and start on them immediately - I was giving my perspective and explaining my situation. I don't need to be "schooled" by a complete strange who from their own admission knows nothing about the supplement I was referring to.
  • Smolly
    Smolly Posts: 216 Forumite
    Fourth Anniversary
    Hello Lyndsey

    Thank you so much for posting and for sharing about your Dad. I can’t imagine just losing my Dad like that and I really feel for you. At least we knew it was on the cards, although it took 3 years he battled on to the end bless him. I was with him when he died and held his hand and that memory lives on and on like it was yesterday. That’s the trouble – it often does feel like it’s just yesterday and at times it’s so raw.

    I commend you for trying a more natural route than the usual medication. I had been battling with depression for so long and refusing to acknowledge it, that when my Dad did die it was a relief to just accept I needed help and go to the Doctors. I am going back there in two weeks’ time. I shall certainly ask about Bacopa. I know I need something extra now. With all that’s been going on just recently my nerves feel completely shattered. I feel constantly that I’m going to explode, as though something is bubbling away inside me. The latest thing is I’ve lost my appetite (not a bad thing actually as I need to lose a few pounds!) and I just can’t sleep.

    I did try counselling as I was offered that also. However it was a disaster and I only ended up having one session. I went because I was trying to deal with bereavement, money problems and relationship problems. The counsellor said I had to choose one if she was to help me! I chose wrong, as she shipped me off saying that wasn’t her remit (for those curious to know I chose money problems!) It had taken all of my effort to just get to that one meeting. And that was that, so I am loathe to try that one again!

    I am now waiting for my new bank account to be set up. I can’t wait to have an account with no overdraft and no credit card. I have the forms from Stepchange, and as soon as the DMP is up and running I shall start a diary. In the early hours this morning when I couldn’t sleep I estimated a mere 30 years to become debt free on what I can currently afford. Strangely I’m not too bothered about this. I’m just keen to get going and I think the stress for me at the moment is those first calls to creditors. I know Stepchange will contact them but I feel I have to ring them first to give them a heads up? I don't know if it better to just write, or ring and write? If anyone can advise on this I would be grateful xx
    LBM Jul 16 £26,823.83, Nov 16 £27,961.98, Dec 16 £26,977.66, Jan 17 £26,884.76
    EF #205 £0/£1000
  • System
    System Posts: 178,340 Community Admin
    10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    Hi Smolly,
    Great news about going down the DMP route. There's a great DMP support thread where I have had so much help from people with setting ours up.
    Have you thought about starting a diary? I started one for the first time with this LBM and I have found it so helpful and people have been so supportive. I never even looked at that section before and it was like a LBM all of it's own - this is how people stay focussed and sort it out, and probably explains a bit why I never managed to do a great deal when I first started browsing MSE in 2012 or thereabouts. You can post your SOA there, and set yourself some smaller goals which make the journey easier.

    Hope you are feeling brighter
    Ramble x
    This is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
  • Smolly
    Smolly Posts: 216 Forumite
    Fourth Anniversary
    Hi Ramble

    Thank you so much for your lovely post. I have just found your diary and some things are so similar! I have subscribed and will follow your journey. Good luck with everything.

    I will head over to the DMP thread as I am still setting up my DMP and some extra support would really help me through this sticky patch. I had planned to start a diary when the DMP was up and running but I suppose it doesn't really matter when I start. I can already see me making small positive money saving changes so if I start one sooner rather than later that will help me stay on track.

    Once again thank you for your kind support. I thought I was going to have a tough day... The mornings always seem so worse but I feel more inspired now to get up and get on with everything.

    Smolly x
    LBM Jul 16 £26,823.83, Nov 16 £27,961.98, Dec 16 £26,977.66, Jan 17 £26,884.76
    EF #205 £0/£1000
  • On_my_way
    On_my_way Posts: 405 Forumite
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Posts
    Hi

    Do you realise that you can contact your creditors and tell them that you can't cope and that you will offer £1 per month each until you can pay more?

    This way you can get some breathing space and a little savings together first. They will default you though so you will struggle to get further credit for a while. Are they in your name?

    Keep your wages going to an account not linked to debts and keep enough in the other account to cover the £1 per month.

    Also you need to find a way of increasing your hours and income.

    Good luck. You can do this. Also, make sure that your husband isn;'t doing what my ex did and that's using your money and saving what they think is their own.
  • On_my_way
    On_my_way Posts: 405 Forumite
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Posts
    It won't take you 30 years. Presumably you work part time to cover childcare but as your child spends more time at school you will be able to work a lot more to earn more.
  • Smolly
    Smolly Posts: 216 Forumite
    Fourth Anniversary
    Hi On My Way

    Thank you for your comments and advice. I will write to each of my creditors offering a token £1. I'm not sure if I also need to ring them though as well. I'm going to put off the DMP through Stepchange for at least a couple of months, or at least ask them to delay the first payment so I can get a little money together.

    The debts are in my name but to be honest I don't want anymore credit. OH and I have no joint accounts at all.

    I'm waiting for my new bank account to be set up still but I remembered today I had an old bank account not linked to any of my debts. I've just got back from seeing the payroll department and they will put my wages in there from the end of the month.

    In the last couple of days I've revisted a lot of the survey sites I used to earn money from and have started using them again. Despite my terrible handling of money I am however quite savvy with 3Bay so hope to use that to shift the clutter in my house. With regards to a 'proper' job I'm hoping to increase my hours in time or look for another part time job to work alongside my existing one. I just need to get my head together first!

    Smolly x
    LBM Jul 16 £26,823.83, Nov 16 £27,961.98, Dec 16 £26,977.66, Jan 17 £26,884.76
    EF #205 £0/£1000
  • bettyboo71
    bettyboo71 Posts: 285 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Photogenic Combo Breaker
    Well done for getting this far. So many of us on here have been/are in a similar position. I spent several years juggling, increasing debt, and pretending everything was fine - while losing sleep and stressing over it every month. When I finally went to the CAB and put agreements in place with every creditor, I instantly felt better, because I could afford the necessary payments, and frozen interst meant that every penny was going towards paying off the debts. They estimated 11 years to clear everything, but it took me about 8. Partly because I managed to increase my income, but mostly because of MSE.
    We will give you help and encouragement, and sometimes a bit of a hard time just to keep you in the right direction. but you have already done the hardest part. And you can come back on here any time that things feel a bit overwhelming, and someone will always have something nice to say.

    With regards to survey sites, my two favourites at the mo are PopulusLive (got £50 about 4 months ago and am waiting on another cheque any day now) and prolific academic, which lets you cash out very small amounts and seems to have fairly frequent surveys. Obviously there is a whole separate thread about surveys, and everyone has their own favourites.

    Good luck with everything.
  • charmed1318
    charmed1318 Posts: 259 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Photogenic
    Hi,

    Just thought I'd share my experience, but when seeing your GP, ask about any workshops, or the mental health service they can refer you to. I have just finished a CBT style one on 'Feeling Better' or a workshop with MIND, which I have been on two. You only share what you are comfortable with, even if that's just your name - first name.

    I'm not going to say things are improved in a week or two, it has taken years for us to get to this point.

    Look up Behavioural Activation. And maybe have a list (a couple of things) of 'Necessary' activities that you would do, so tow or three things and tick them off as you go.

    I understand these aren't 'debt relieving' suggestions but by feeling better you want to accomplish more.

    I do think you are focussing more on the 'Failure' side of things, but you don't automatically jump to the top of the ladder, there are small steps to take to get to the top. So, by picking up the phone, writing a letter (you do not have to phone them too, as they may try to pressure you into higher payments), ask anyone here they will say write to them, and do not give a mobile/phone number so any replies are written down) or hoovering a room.

    Best of luck
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

🚀 Getting Started

Hi new member!

Our Getting Started Guide will help you get the most out of the Forum

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 350.9K Banking & Borrowing
  • 253.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 453.5K Spending & Discounts
  • 243.9K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 598.7K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 176.9K Life & Family
  • 257.1K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 16.1K Discuss & Feedback
  • 37.6K Read-Only Boards

Is this how you want to be seen?

We see you are using a default avatar. It takes only a few seconds to pick a picture.