Estranged child

neneromanova

I would go and have a word with the police. Ask if you can get one of them, or a PCSO to go with your son to collect the stuff as he's afraid of what his mum might do to him. They'd be more inclined to help a 17 year old in this situation I think.

Going to the police isn't heavy handed or anything, Just protecting yourself from a breach of the peace.

barba

Although I'm not qualified I can see similarities with your ex and one of my parents. After years of pondering I came to the conclusion they were a stark raving narcissist, cut contact and have never been happier.

It seems your son is well rounded but sometimes these things can have an impact.

To help confirm my thoughts and to rationalise things I watched Sam Vaknin videos on YouTube.

marcarm

neneromanova wrote: »

I would go and have a word with the police. Ask if you can get one of them, or a PCSO to go with your son to collect the stuff as he's afraid of what his mum might do to him. They'd be more inclined to help a 17 year old in this situation I think.

Going to the police isn't heavy handed or anything, Just protecting yourself from a breach of the peace.

He is going to call 101 and ask their advice, but going to leave it a couple of days in the hope the dust may settle a bit.

marcarm

Mojisola wrote: »

What's going to happen the younger lad now?

Has your son contacted Social Services about the way his mother has neglected both of them?

Social Services have been called in the past, his brother was coached into what to say should anyone ever ask about his home life so that was that.

Again, my son is going to leave it a couple of days and then get in touch with them to say he is worried about his brother.

Luckily there is a friend of is mother who looks out for him a lot of the time, I don't think he is in immediate danger but more at risk long term.

Robisere

15 years ago, my son's marriage collapsed and his children were put in care due to his wife's neglect and abuse. Eventually he was able to have complete custody and parental responsibility, but at the first hearing his wife's solicitor took the house keys from him. I went with him to get his clothes and other items, but she would not let us in, then called police to say we were threatening her. This rebounded on her, as the officer could see there was no threat. We gave the officer paperwork from the local council to prove he had lived there and took away what she had not destroyed. The officer heard her say that she had destroyed some of his clothes and music, saw her temper in action and said that he would support any move to prosecute her for criminal damage. That shut her up immediately, but my son was just eager to get her out of his life and let it go.

Because we had the PC with us, who saw immediately what she was like, we won the day. If you can manage to do something similar, go with your son and both stay calm, I hope you get the result you want.

Mojisola

marcarm wrote: »

Social Services have been called in the past, his brother was coached into what to say should anyone ever ask about his home life so that was that.

A decent SW should be able to ask the right questions to break through this, particularly if they've been warned about coaching.

System

Some people hadnt ought to be allowed to breed.:mad:

marcarm

She has now been sending him calm emails, about getting his stuff. she is saying she is packing it all slowly and will leave it in his car on the drive and he can get it when he wants. She will let him know when it has been done.

He was given a car last year for his birthday, but tbh it is only good for the scrapheap so won't be taking it.

But it's a bit pf progress, although I'm not convinced there will be no more tantrums and changes of mind from her before he gets it.

She is away from the 18th so the plan will be to get it that week to avoid any confrontations.

Robisere

marcarm, I sincerely hope this is the result you were both trying so hard for. Please let us know if it all pans out OK.

Just had a thought: have you got keys to your son's car? I hope she doesn't accuse you of breaking into it. In view of the history you gave us, might be a possiblity. Take a phone/camera and get pic's of the car, print the email invitation to collect your ds's stuff from the car.

Maybe that sounds a bit paranoid, but better safe than sorry. Good Luck!

marcarm

Robisere wrote: »

marcarm, I sincerely hope this is the result you were both trying so hard for. Please let us know if it all pans out OK.

Just had a thought: have you got keys to your son's car? I hope she doesn't accuse you of breaking into it. In view of the history you gave us, might be a possiblity. Take a phone/camera and get pic's of the car, print the email invitation to collect your ds's stuff from the car.

Maybe that sounds a bit paranoid, but better safe than sorry. Good Luck!

The keys are at his old house, I'm not sure of the arrangement to get them back but these will be provided so he can get the stuff out of the car.

He has kept all of the emails she has sent him so we have proof if needed. The car is in his name.

He seems a lot happier at the moment, currently out showing his girlfriend around the village we live in and he's spending a lot of time playing with my other children so it's working out well so far.