Estranged child

iammumtoone

I would let things calm down a bit for a while.

Unless he is going aboard soon, he will not need his passport just yet.

Does he need the college work now or can it wait a few weeks?

Everything else you can buy what he needs to tide him over.

His mother is in the wrong, she should not be acting like this but she will be feeling angry and upset, in a few weeks she might feel different and let him in to collect his belongings, getting the law involved now is only going to aggravate things (for both your son and his Mother) can you wait a few weeks to try again and then get the authorities involved if necessary.

It is a very sad situation and whilst it seems your son and his mother might never be close again I do hope that in the future they can at least be on speaking terms.

JReacher1

iammumtoone wrote: »

I would let things calm down a bit for a while.

Unless he is going aboard soon, he will not need his passport just yet.

Does he need the college work now or can it wait a few weeks?

Everything else you can buy what he needs to tide him over.

His mother is in the wrong, she should not be acting like this but she will be feeling angry and upset, in a few weeks she might feel different and let him in to collect his belongings, getting the law involved now is only going to aggravate things (for both your son and his Mother) can you wait a few weeks to try again and then get the authorities involved if necessary.

It is a very sad situation and whilst it seems your son and his mother might never be close again I do hope that in the future they can at least be on speaking terms.

Great post.

It seems after years of living together there has been a quick sudden break between mother and son which has lead to emotions running high.

Before anyone takes the drastic step of getting the police involved it would seem sensible to wait a bit and let everything calm down.

OP it seems like you really dislike your ex wife so I would suggest you don't really get involved with their relationship . Offer support for your son but there will be no winners here and in years to come when your son looks back on this you want to be seen as the calm sensible parent who offered support and not someone who was putting the verbal boot into his mother.

Mojisola

iammumtoone wrote: »

His mother is in the wrong, she should not be acting like this but she will be feeling angry and upset, in a few weeks she might feel different and let him in to collect his belongings, getting the law involved now is only going to aggravate things (for both your son and his Mother) can you wait a few weeks to try again and then get the authorities involved if necessary.

On the other hand, if the belongings are left with her, she could decide to destroy it all or take it all to the tip.

The OP might know which way she is more likely to go.

marcarm

JReacher1 wrote: »

Great post.

It seems after years of living together there has been a quick sudden break between mother and son which has lead to emotions running high.

Before anyone takes the drastic step of getting the police involved it would seem sensible to wait a bit and let everything calm down.

OP it seems like you really dislike your ex wife so I would suggest you don't really get involved with their relationship . Offer support for your son but there will be no winners here and in years to come when your son looks back on this you want to be seen as the calm sensible parent who offered support and not someone who was putting the verbal boot into his mother.

Very true, I have always told him that I will not stop him from seeing her at all, I have left that entirely up to him. I have offered advice and told him that he can see her if/when he wants to, I'll not be offended or annoyed if he does.

Good advice about leaving it a while, but she is very vindictive and would do anything to hurt someone when she gets her back up.

I've just told him that with everything being raw and emotional at the moment to leave it a few days, I know she is going on holiday next week so advised to leave it till she gets back as she might be more inclined to be civil then.

It's a shame he hasn't got a key as he would be able to go next week to get everything, but she has already threatened to call the police for him 'breaking in' if he does that, I'm pretty certain there would be no case to answer but we could all do without a visit from them, although my 3yo would love it!

He does have an adult passport as it needed to be replaced last month as she put it in the washing machine.

Top_Girl

iammumtoone wrote: »

I would let things calm down a bit for a while.

Unless he is going aboard soon, he will not need his passport just yet.

Does he need the college work now or can it wait a few weeks?

Everything else you can buy what he needs to tide him over.

His mother is in the wrong, she should not be acting like this but she will be feeling angry and upset, in a few weeks she might feel different and let him in to collect his belongings, getting the law involved now is only going to aggravate things (for both your son and his Mother) can you wait a few weeks to try again and then get the authorities involved if necessary.

It is a very sad situation and whilst it seems your son and his mother might never be close again I do hope that in the future they can at least be on speaking terms.

Sorry, but mother needs to realise her parental responsibilities here and grow up.

I've had murders with Top Boy's dad, he is not a nice man.

But, in the future, if Top Boy decides to go live with him, his possessions, including anything I've ever bought him, are his to take with him as and when he wants them. I have no right to say or do otherwise.

iammumtoone

Top_Girl wrote: »

Sorry, but mother needs to realise her parental responsibilities here and grow up.

I an not disagreeing with you, I never said she was in the right. I just don't see how calling the police/getting all heavy at this stage is going to help the situation.

ska_lover

The lad has lived with his mother until he is 17 then ''suddenly realized what type of a person she is?''

Sorry OP but if she was that awful,you would have applied for custody years back

Obviously you only know the one side of the story that the teenager, (who may have every reason to manipulate you) - has told you. You clearly have personal issues with the mother which is another issue altogether. But do not mix the two together

All I am saying is, things may well not be what they seem and there may well be things gone on you do not even know about.

Tammykitty

OP - you are entitled to claim maintenance of the mother, it might help with the cost of replacing the goods she won't let him have.


The passport and college work are your sons, however the laptop may not be. mother may insist she bought if for the household.


If he needs the college work urgently I would speak to the police see if they can help

marcarm

Tammykitty wrote: »

OP - you are entitled to claim maintenance of the mother, it might help with the cost of replacing the goods she won't let him have.


The passport and college work are your sons, however the laptop may not be. mother may insist she bought if for the household.


If he needs the college work urgently I would speak to the police see if they can help

I have contacted the cms and putting that into place. It is his laptop paid for by Christmas and birthday money, as well as money he has saved himself.

Going to leave it a few days and she might be more amicable towards him, if not he wants to go the official route.

marcarm

ska_lover wrote: »

The lad has lived with his mother until he is 17 then ''suddenly realized what type of a person she is?'' maybe 'finally fed up of the person she is' would have been a better phrase, didn't say suddenly as he has known for years

Sorry OP but if she was that awful,you would have applied for custody years backhe has always had the option to move in with me, but he wanted to stay to protect his 9 year old brother. He has always said that he would have moved in with me in an instant if it weren't for his brother, he didn't want him to go through what he had at that age, which I think is admirable.

Obviously you only know the one side of the story that the teenager, (who may have every reason to manipulate you) - has told you. You clearly have personal issues with the mother which is another issue altogether. But do not mix the two togetherhe knows my views on his mother, but he has made his own mind up about her. She has told him every single conversation we have had as she has tried her best to make him hate me but she has failed. I've told him I'll never stop him seeing her. I know both sides as I've seen things myself and know exactly what she is like

All I am saying is, things may well not be what they seem and there may well be things gone on you do not even know about.there is a lot more to this story but none of it was relevant to the questions I asked in the op.

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