Estranged child

marcarm

Very long story short, my 17yo son has now decided to come and live with me after finally realising what sort of person his mother is, but she is holding all of his stuff to ransom.

We have just been round there tonight as it was arranged to get it back, but she started screaming and shouting and went against her word.

We spent a load of money at the weekend replacing his clothes etc, but there are things like his passport, laptop, college work that she is not letting him have.

Is there anything that can be done or are we at the mercy of her tantrums?

It's mainly his college work that he wants, as the other stuff, although it will cost, can be replaced.

whitewing

I don't know how good they are:

https://www.nyas.net/

Detroit

Practically, if he still has a key, can he go round when she's out and get his things?
If this is an option, he should take care to take only his clothes, college work, passport, and items he can prove to be his.
I'd recommend you wait outside to avoid any accusations.

Alternatively, is there another relative that could possibly get the things?

If all else fails, you may have to take a more official line. You son should write to his mother, keeping a copy of the letter, and giving her 7 days to make arrangements for him to collect his things.

If she fails to do so, consult CAB for advice on the options from there.

In practice, it may prove to be very difficult for him to get clothes and personal items back if she is stubborn.
At your sons age it will be hard to prove his legal ownership of these things.

With regards to college work, again there could be difficulties.
If this cannot be retrieved, I'd suggest you and your son explain the circumstances to the college and ask if they can help by giving him new notes or maybe an extension on assignments.

At 17 he will have an adult passport, and it is not legal for his mother to retain it without his consent.
This can be reported to the police.

You could also contact the passport office helpline and explain the situation, it may be possible for the existing document to be cancelled and a replacement issued as would be the case had it been stolen.

marcarm

Detroit wrote: »

Practically, if he still has a key, can he go round when she's out and get his things?
If this is an option, he should take care to take only his clothes, college work, passport, and items he can prove to be his.
I'd recommend you wait outside to avoid any accusations. No key, his stuff is all packed up as he was going to take it on Thursday morning when he left, but I was unable to go and get him then, it was meant to then be collected Thursday night but she threw her toys out the pram. It was then rearranged for this evening

Alternatively, is there another relative that could possibly get the things? There is a friend of the family who is close to my son and his mother, but his mother won't release his stuff to her, we've already tried that one.

If all else fails, you may have to take a more official line. You son should write to his mother, keeping a copy of the letter, and giving her 7 days to make arrangements for him to collect his things. Good advice, but his mother is the sort of person who thinks the law does not apply to her, so will likely ignore it and any other 'threats'.

If she fails to do so, consult CAB for advice on the options from there.

In practice, it may prove to be very difficult for him to get clothes and personal items back if she is stubborn.
At your sons age it will be hard to prove his legal ownership of these things.

With regards to college work, again there could be difficulties.
If this cannot be retrieved, I'd suggest you and your son explain the circumstances to the college and ask if they can help by giving him new notes or maybe an extension on assignments. I've suggested talking to his college when he starts again, I'm sure this situation is not unique and they hopefully would have some good advice

At 17 he will have an adult passport, and it is not legal for his mother to retain it without his consent.
This can be reported to the police. Interesting! I will pass that on to him! Is there any legislation that I can look at that you know of?

You could also contact the passport office helpline and explain the situation, it may be possible for the existing document to be cancelled and a replacement issued as would be the case had it been stolen.

Thank you for your reply, very helpful.

McKneff

How sad it has come to this.

I cant imagine ever being in this situation with my son or daughter or their families.

Bless him, I hope he does well, despite her....

marcarm

McKneff wrote: »

How sad it has come to this.

I cant imagine ever being in this situation with my son or daughter or their families.

Bless him, I hope he does well, despite her....

Thank you, considering how much he has had to put up with for the main part of his life, he is a very well-rounded and decent person.

He went there with the sole intention of being calm and leaving the door open for them to have contact in the near future, but that he needed time. He moved in with me on Thursday and she has spent all of that time until now harassing all his mates, his girlfriend, me and my wife with phone calls, texts, messages and emails.

They have all blocked her now thankfully but it is totally out of order to try and turn everyone against him. But she is the sort of person who never admits fault or apologises for anything. If she said the sky was red, no amount of arguing would get her to admit the truth until in the end you would just agree with her to stop the quarrel.

Yorkie1

Sometimes the police are willing to attend in situations such as these, to prevent a breach of the peace.

Edit: just seen the above post. You / he would be perfectly within his rights to report her to the police for harassment; it's not going to help reconcile the situation so that she gives his stuff back, but it might work as leverage for the police to help him remove his stuff.

suejb2

Instead of the police ,can you ask the P.C.S.O to attend.

Detroit

Regarding your request for a link, I applied the information on lost or stolen passports to this situation.
Although not strictly speaking lost, if his mother is retaining the passport without his permission, the same principle will apply to if it were stolen.

You can find this information on https://www.gov.uk lost or stolen passports.

Any withholding of a passport is a serious matter, and should be reported to the police.

You should also find the number on the gov website for the passport office adviceline by the way.

marcarm

Thank you all, will pass on this information and speak to him tomorrow

clairec79

A 17 year old may not automatically have an adult passport, their child passport runs until it expires (my eldest will have turned 19 before she gets an adult passport - not sure if that changes the legal issue, it shouldn't do morally but that doesn't mean legally