Splitting Bills & Rent

maman

Kynthia wrote: »

When you are no longer dating but are committed to each other and living as a couple or family then you should have the same standard of living as each other. Your contributions to the relationship are more than just what you bring financially, divorce courts recognise this is the case with marriage for example, and therefore things should be treated as belonging to the family and all need doing by the family.

Detroit wrote: »

If this is non negotiable, how would this be managed if one party couldn't afford their share, or as in the OPs case, when affording it leaves nothing over?
What about if one person is caring for a child?

FBaby wrote: »

You live together, you have a child together, but you haven't discussed finances? You feel that the situation isn't right but you come to a forum rather than bring up the matter with your partner?

There is no right and wrong to go about it, the right way is the one that is so for you and your partner and for that, you need to communicate.

What we don't know is whether the OP's earning power has diminished since the child was born. If they both agreed to start a family and that she would go part time (or even if it happened by accident) then IMO that's a different question to simply 'Should we go 50:50?


I would find it very difficult to be in a situation where my OH was financing a lifestyle for us that I knew I couldn't afford/pay my way. It reminds me of the Mrs Merton question 'What first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?'.


As others have said it leaves the OP's partner with the choice of scaling back the lifestyle or subsidising. From the phrasing of her question I think she'd go for the subsidy but we could be wrong and she may have given up a well paid job to have a child in which case I'd say more pooling of money is OK until she can return to her former salary.

pollypenny

class2ldn wrote: »

http://www.percentagecalculator.net/

This is what me and my partner use to split it evenly according to our wages.
I normally take home around 2700 before OT and she takes home around 1400.
We add up all the bills and then work out what percentage we need to cover it.
What's left over is ours to spend and then we allocate a certain amount to a joint account that's separate for savings.

If my OH wanted to calculate our relationship like that I'd be out of the door!

At various times during our long marriage the biggest earner has changed. I have a bigger pension than he does, but it's all our money.

Hard_Up_Hester

My husband earns double my wage and we split the bills 50/50 and he hates it, but I have to pay my share and refuse to be beholden to him, we've been together 16 years and married for 5, we have no dependant children.

maman

Hard_Up_Hester wrote: »

My husband earns double my wage and we split the bills 50/50 and he hates it, but I have to pay my share and refuse to be beholden to him, we've been together 16 years and married for 5, we have no dependant children.

I understand exactly how you feel.


I know if either of us had an emergency or fell on hard times we'd give each other our last penny. But we're not in that situation so we go 50:50. These days we have a broadly similar income but it has varied over the years both ways. I have more savings but that's because I'm more mse than he is:D.

Peter333

Hard_Up_Hester wrote: »

My husband earns double my wage and we split the bills 50/50 and he hates it, but I have to pay my share and refuse to be beholden to him, we've been together 16 years and married for 5, we have no dependant children.

I find this incredibly sad. That you don't want your husband to pay more than you for anything because you don't want to be 'beholden' to him. You're a married couple., not work colleagues, neighbours, or friends.

Does he not let you do anything for him, in case he is 'beholden' to you? I could not live in an environment like this. It doesn't sound like a marriage to me.

penguingirl

Peter333 wrote: »

I find this incredibly sad. That you don't want your husband to pay more than you for anything because you don't want to be 'beholden' to him. You're a married couple., not work colleagues, neighbours, or friends.

Does he not let you do anything for him, in case he is 'beholden' to you? I could not live in an environment like this. It doesn't sound like a marriage to me.

I think again this comes back to my previous point that the most important thing is that both parties agree, and that they communicate.

I totally get this point (and it's where I am). I have worked hard for my career and my independence. I love that we're equal partners. I also know what we'd not hesitate to look after the other one if we needed to, but the reality is that we haven't. But why should my partner subsidy me? We both have more than enough to cover the bills so it's just not necessary. And as for the nonsense about the woman doing more housework- nope, that ones pretty 50:50 too.

What does surprise me amongst friends/colleagues is the number who don't have any kind of joint account/finances, despite some of them owning homes together. They do things like take turns to do the shopping, and transfer money for bills- that would drive me mad as it just seems like hassle!

class2ldn

pollypenny wrote: »

If my OH wanted to calculate our relationship like that I'd be out of the door!

At various times during our long marriage the biggest earner has changed. I have a bigger pension than he does, but it's all our money.

We don't make it exactly to the pound lol its just a way of putting in an even amount. If we went 50 /50 it would cripple her so we've agreed to do it like that so we both know we equally provide towards the living costs without breaking the bank.
Yes if she put in 900 every month it would mean I put less but she couldn't afford that so it's an equal amount roughly of what we earn. It's only to cover bills etc not personal things like shopping or fuel etc

Hard_Up_Hester

Peter during my first marriage my husband controlled all the money, I ran my own business and we had 4 children, I wasn't allowed so much as a pair of tights or mascara. I'll be the first to admit that it made me obsessive about money and about paying my way in life

[Deleted User]

If we split things 50/50 in my house, it would use up my wife's entire wage...

I earn about 2.5x my wife's salary, and the vast majority of bills are in my name. We don't split things up as much as agree that 'It's all one big pot of money'. We both keep money as savings, along with a central join account - but it's all 'one big pot' and it doesn't matter who is paying for what. Neither of us are big spenders so we balance each other well. It's only the really big stuff (holidays, cars, furniture) where we will discuss who's paying for what.

BUT - we've got enough coming in not to worry too much about the split. I can completely understand if finances are hard, the way it is split can be very important.