Splitting Bills & Rent

Northern78

IMO once you commit to living with each other then it should be a household income. Life is swings and roundabouts.

My husband is in the forces and on a decent wage. I for some time previously was earning less than him, around 10k less but we pooled money and then both had some spending money. We then went on to have two kids so my money went down even more on part time wages.

However, only Thursday just gone I found out I had been successful in promotion and will now be earning the same as my husband, albeit prorated.

My point is when he leaves the forces in 4 years he will have to look for a job and might be the lower earner like I once was but then my wages will cover the shortfall.

Relationships are about give and take in all aspects not just money.

pickledonionspaceraider

Peter333 wrote: »

Each to their own, but I just don't get this ^^^

I think a couple should pool their incomes and share ...........

Makes me cringe when we go out to the pub with this (unmarried) couple we know. He has been working for the same public limited company for 25 years and earns £35K PURELY on the time he has been there. He is fairly unskilled and unqualified with poor academic qualifications. SHE has not been so lucky and has been in and out of work for 6 or 7 years, and is currently struggling in a zero hours contract job. Some weeks she gets 50 hours, some weeks 5. She is on easily half what he is on over the course of the year.

When we go to the pub, she is fighting to try and buy a 'round' when it's her turn. She has said several times 'John, I only have a fiver, I'm not sure I can do it for 4 of us.' He makes her tip the coppers out of her purse, and takes it off her and searches it, and gets really annoyed that she has only got 5 or 6 quid left! 'It's your turn though' he barks. she goes red. 'You'll have to give me the money back then' he bleats!

last time my wife said 'OH FOR goodness sake - we'll get the next round' (even though we got the last.)

'No it's HER turn!' He says. My God, it's so uncomfortable.

I am so glad I am not in a relationship like that. Horrible, demeaning, controlling relationship. Very few people I know ARE like this; not that I know of anyway.

It does sound like that relationship has more issues than who is paying for what to be honest with you - doesn't it.

class2ldn

http://www.percentagecalculator.net/

This is what me and my partner use to split it evenly according to our wages.
I normally take home around 2700 before OT and she takes home around 1400.
We add up all the bills and then work out what percentage we need to cover it.
What's left over is ours to spend and then we allocate a certain amount to a joint account that's separate for savings.

slickric1234

you need to talk to your partner about it

it could be something as simple as he doesnt realise you dont have enough money to split eveything 50/50 and could easily be happy to pay more


all money in a communal pot is awkward unless theres a lot of money in the pot as you would have to constantly be checking with each other to make sure you didnt go overdrawn and a joint bank account may make things worse with overdraft penalties thrown in

a friend of mines wage goes directly into a joint account that he has limited access to, if he spends it on something for himself his wife has a tantrum, and it seems to lead to way more arguments than they ever had with seperate accounts as she couldnt see what hed spent how much hed spent and where hed spent it

the poor guy has a spanish inquisition forusing joint account money if hes in petrol station filling up the family car and buys some things on the joint card whilst paying for it even tho he earns more money than her

dont think i would be putting up with someone attempting to control me like that

pickledonionspaceraider

slickric1234 wrote: »

the poor guy has a spanish inquisition forusing joint account money if hes in petrol station filling up the family car

I know a guy this happened to, his missus rang him whilst he was at work screaming at him, because he had fuelled up at the petrol station on the way into work. She gets text alerts when any money at all is drawn out of their account

She works part time whilst he does 50+ hours per week

Detroit

It is interesting that there are significant numbers of people who keep their finances separate, and favour a formal approach to contributing financially, whether this is done equally or as a proportional split.

Particularly as the government continues to consider household income as a shared resource, for example, when calculating means tested benefit entitlement.

For example, a single parent frequently loses their benefit entitlement if a working partner moves in, despite the partner not being a parent to the children.
Similarly, a person who is ill and would otherwise receive income related ESA could lose their entitlement due to their partner's income.

In these cases, the working partner is forced to 'subsidise' the other (and in the first example, their children), regardless of the views of either on this.

I make no argument for the rights or wrongs of either the legislation, or the way in which people conduct their financial lives.

However, I am interested as to how this government policy can be reconciled with the idea of financial independence within a relationship, and equal contributions made by both parties.

Do people who believe the OP should contribute 50% think that, should she become out of work, she should receive benefits to enable her to do so?

Peter333

slickric1234 wrote: »

you need to talk to your partner about it.

it could be something as simple as he doesnt realise you dont have enough money to split eveything 50/50 and could easily be happy to pay more.


all money in a communal pot is awkward unless theres a lot of money in the pot as you would have to constantly be checking with each other to make sure you didnt go overdrawn and a joint bank account may make things worse with overdraft penalties thrown in .

a friend of mines wage goes directly into a joint account that he has limited access to, if he spends it on something for himself his wife has a tantrum, and it seems to lead to way more arguments than they ever had with seperate accounts as she couldnt see what hed spent how much hed spent and where hed spent it.

the poor guy has a spanish inquisition forusing joint account money if hes in petrol station filling up the family car and buys some things on the joint card whilst paying for it even tho he earns more money than her.

dont think i would be putting up with someone attempting to control me like that.

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

I know a guy this happened to, his missus rang him whilst he was at work screaming at him, because he had fuelled up at the petrol station on the way into work. She gets text alerts when any money at all is drawn out of their account.

She works part time whilst he does 50+ hours per week

Whilst I would normally condemn the 2 women in these scenarios for going mental every time their man spends anything, we don't know the full story. I know several families where the man has previously squandered 1000s of pounds of family money on himself on frivolous hobbies and pastimes, so maybe that's the reason why the women in question are tetchy. That said, if there IS no reason for it, then I wouldn't like to be in a relationship like this either!

Also, I think her working part time and him working 50 hours a week is irrelevant. Many households have the man working more hours in paid employment than the woman. But she generally does more of the domestic duties like cooking, cleaning, washing, shopping, housework, and childcare. So if a woman does 20 or 30 hour less time in paid employment than the man, that doesn't necessarily mean she works less hard in general.

paddy's_mum

It is my very strongly held view that financial arrangements in a situation such as the OP describes must change once there is a child in the picture.

The needs of the child MUST come first and having a mum who is at her wit's end over no possibility of saving for a rainy day and where the next quid is coming from isn't it!

FBaby

However, I am interested as to how this government policy can be reconciled with the idea of financial independence within a relationship, and equal contributions made by both parties.

Indeed, I totally disagree with that concept that because you move with someone who has kids, you have no choice but to take some financial responsibility for them despite having absolutely no legal rights over their care, let alone any guarantee of emotional return. I think it is very wrong morally, but yeah, not the only legislation I think is bonkers!

In terms of keeping finances separately despite being in a committed relationship, I don't think it is always about control over the other person but often about individual independence. My OH and I are very independent people. We don't do everything together on the opposite, do many things separately, so finances is just another aspect of this. It has involved a mental transition, but we are now at the stage where we consider all our money as that of the marriage (which it is legally anyway) and although still managed separately, if I needed money tomorrow, I could just ask OH and he would transfer it immediately without any question (it goes without saying that if it was a large amount, I would tell him why anyway).

Savvy_Sue

Peter333 wrote: »

Whilst I would normally condemn the 2 women in these scenarios for going mental every time their man spends anything, we don't know the full story. I know several families where the man has previously squandered 1000s of pounds of family money on himself on frivolous hobbies and pastimes, so maybe that's the reason why the women in question are tetchy. That said, if there IS no reason for it, then I wouldn't like to be in a relationship like this either!

Absolutely. We knew one chap who at one time just couldn't be allowed to take any money at all out with him, or a debit card, for any reason whatsoever, because they had to count every penny and he was apparently incapable of spending money where it needed to be spent.

Lunch money? Oh look, there's a paperback I fancy, I'll get that. Money for train fare? Gosh, I've been meaning to see that film for ages, if I buy that DVD we can save money on going to the cinema. Few hundred pounds generously lent by friends because I desperately need to get some dental treatment? Gone.

I'd not have put up with it, and I don't know if he ever learned to act like a grown up.