Splitting Bills & Rent

LKRDN_Morgan

cjdavies wrote: »

Excatly sharing bills is 50/50.

Says who?
Sharing bills is however you want it to be. Either split equally or proportionate to your earnings.

Marvel1

LKRDN_Morgan wrote: »

Says who?
Sharing bills is however you want it to be. Either split equally or proportionate to your earnings.

Sorry should have added in my own opinion.

Kynthia

When you are no longer dating but are committed to each other and living as a couple or family then you should have the same standard of living as each other. Your contributions to the relationship are more than just what you bring financially, divorce courts recognise this is the case with marriage for example, and therefore things should be treated as belonging to the family and all need doing by the family.

Tigsteroonie

You're a family unit. All income gets pooled, all expenditure comes out of that pool, and treats are to be enjoyed rather than resented so the decision/cost need to be acceptable to both.

Detroit

cjdavies wrote: »

Excatly sharing bills is 50/50.

If this is non negotiable, how would this be managed if one party couldn't afford their share, or as in the OPs case, when affording it leaves nothing over?
What about if one person is caring for a child?

Pollycat

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

This old grapefruit always divides the camp here at MSE

I would not feel comfortable with my husband was subsidising me and I would see this as an issue to either retrain or job search. However we do not have small children

However I see the OP has a small child so that has an impact and can see the necessity to manage things differently

We have had a joint account since deciding on an offset mortgage (many years ago) where our salaries were paid into.

Over the years, sometimes I've been the bigger earner, at another times, it's been OH.

When I retired on a good pension, my OH obviously earned more than me so you could say he 'subsidised' me.
However, he 'retired' before his occupational pension was due so I guess I 'subsidised' him.

My state pesnion will kick in before his so more 'subsidisation'.

The way we work it is that our pensions go into the joint account and the bills are paid from there.

We each take out money for spends and discuss major purchases e.g. new/replacement technology.

It works for us.

Peter333

Detroit wrote: »

If this is non negotiable, how would this be managed if one party couldn't afford their share, or as in the OPs case, when affording it leaves nothing over?
What about if one person is caring for a child?

Exactly! You can't just make that sweeping generalisation. 50/50 or nothing! I have actually known a number of couples where the man works full time hours and the woman works part time, (sometimes not at all,) because she looks after the kids, and home.

And he has it firmly fixed in his his head that the money he earns is HIS, and if she wants more, she should go out and earn it! Totally not acknowledging the fact that she works more hours in a week than he does!

As I said, being in a relationship with a man with this attitude is not a good place to be.

Thunderbird4 wrote: »

OP this situation is ridiculous. What does your partner do with all his spare cash?

I am in a similar situation. I earn significantly more than my partner. What we do is pool the money, pay all bills out of that and then give ourselves the same amount each month. Almost like an allowance.

When you are in a relationship and you have a child together it shouldn't be his and your money. It's the families money.

Of course if one of you wasn't financially responsible then I would advise differently!

Probably squandering it on hobbies, and frivolous nonsense. I am also guessing that the OP and her partner are young. Not many middle aged or older women would tolerate this.

Savvy_Sue

My policy was always 'He earns, I spend it'. Well, apart from the time when he was unemployed and getting a giro for 50p a fortnight, and now when he's not earning a lot and we're living off my money. But the point is, that's fine. It's not his money or my money, it's our money.

One of my siblings always had 'his money', 'her money' and a shared purse for 'their money'. Some bills were in his name, some in hers. But they worked out what they were happy with.

And that's what the OP has to do too.

FBaby

You live together, you have a child together, but you haven't discussed finances? You feel that the situation isn't right but you come to a forum rather than bring up the matter with your partner?

There is no right and wrong to go about it, the right way is the one that is so for you and your partner and for that, you need to communicate.

penguingirl

I feel like I'm the exception here- we pay all our bills 50/50 even thought my OH has always earnt more than me. I guess for us that works as I do have a career and now have a decent salary (just less than his) although when I was earlier in my career I didn't have much (and his salary was also smaller, just not as small as mine). But we are both pretty good at saving and have an offset mortgage. So we both put an amount into the joint account for mortgage, bills, shopping, holidays, meals out etc, but then also maintain our own accounts for individual purchases, our own cars, phones etc. And then we have seperate savings, but as they offset our joint mortgage it doesn't really make much difference i.e. i benefit just as much as he does from his higher savings. Bizarrely his higher savings/ earning I think has made me more focussed on my own career and ambitions, and also on my saving.

Our first mortgage we had 50:50 deposit as I had a small inheritance. This time he put a bit more in as a deposit, but then we borrowed a little off my parents too.

I guess what I'm saying is I don't necesarily see a 50:50 split with unequal salaries as being a sign of a poor or imblanced relationship. It works for us, and we'll review it if/when we have kids. We are pretty laid back about our joint account though- we trust the other not to take the p***, but certainly don't bat an eyelid for example if I slip in some tesco shoes into the shopping or he buys a bottle of spirits for a family member's birthday present (although I do joke that as he eats more he should pay more!). We'd definitely not make a fuss about buying rounds- joint socialising/ going out comes out the joint account with the exception of takeaway which is usually whoever has cash! In fact, sometimes we have the opposite- I will have assumed that the joint account has paid for something and afterwards will find he has paid for it and just not made a fuss about it. I think as long as both parties are happy with the financial arrangements then there isn't such a thing as right/ wrong.