I want to stop drowning

debtaghh

Thanks. I have two credit cards in their name which I pay but I also pay them monthly towards the money I owe them. They have money in the bank so me just paying their credit cards and not the money I owe them wouldn't cause them hardship. I'm going to see how I go with a strict budget and then reevaluate after Xmas.

enthusiasticsaver

I think you have been struggling with your finances since 2009 and earlier so I think you are reaching the stage of having to do something drastic.

You have two problems. Living and working in an expensive area and being heavily indebted to your family who are unsympathetic to your circumstances. Presumably from a relationship point of view you don't want to default on family debt so that just leaves the unsecured debt. At the moment you are paying minimums but that leaves you nothing to live off and when the car breaks or any other emergency you have no money to fix it. I am not sure how you envisage this resolving itself but personally I think you need to make some tough choices.


I know you keep a spreadsheet so can you see what the balance of your debt was in 2009 compared to what it is now? That should give you an idea of whether you are going in the right direction.


In the past I know you have said your DH can apply for a transfer to another area of the country with his job. Personally I would be exploring that to reduce your high rent. Your family do not sound supportive or understanding and even though they have lent you money it has actually made your situation worse. Can you imagine yourself living elsewhere?

debtaghh

I would move away but my dh doesn't seem that keen and neither does my dd.

Debt has gone up since 2009 but it hadn't really hit me properly.

wishingthemortgaheaway

Does the 39k you owe to family include the credit cards taken out in their name that you are paying or is that just the 'cash' you owe them?

If it doesn't include the credit cards how much of the credit card debt is not in your names? Becuase I'm sure that that will impact on acceptance of a dmp, as people have said before family debt isn't normally accepted so I'm sure 'debt that doesn't legally belong to you' won't be either.

You are in a tough tough situation and the emotion, guilt and another feeling I can't put into words - beholdenness is the best I can come up with- with regard to the family debt is crippling.

I'm really not sure what the answer is, maybe meeting with a debt counsellor in person to look at the options, nothing is ever 'unfixable ' but your situation does seem unusual compared to other people on the boards.

debtaghh

Yes the £39k includes the credit cards in their names. The credit cards in their name come to £7.5k

Silver_Queen

If you don't mind me asking - what was the agreement when your family members lent you the money and when they gave you credit cards in your name?

I know you say that they are not supportive but I'm wondering what changed down the line? Clearly they must have been at least somewhat helpful/supportive to lend you that large an amount of money at some point in your past.

Did you agree to pay them back at a certain date? Did they just mess you around and tell you actually, no, you need to pay me back now or was it a case of something coming up so you could no longer pay them back when planned?

You obviously don't need to answer this if you're not comfortable doing so.

I think it is a rock and a hard place situation because obviously if you were in a position to pay them back faster you would do it, and you are already putting yourself in hardship to pay them back as it is. However, I do see that it is a very big amount of money so I can kind of see why they would be anxious to get it back ASAP.

debtaghh

They lent us bits over the years. Some were lump
sums to stop us getting an Iva as they were against it. The agreement of the lump sums were to pay back the amount we do now.

debtaghh

Morning,

I've been really thinking about our situation and thinking from September for the rest of the year we need an extremely frugal year. We have certain things Pre booked which we can't do much about but they have been paid for. I want to really cut the food budget and then not have to spend anything on entertainment if possible.

I know there are loads of links which I have looked at but some some aren't recent so prices are in accurate. Any ideas of the cheapest healthiest dinners and snacks? We seem to spend a lot on snacks. I already shop in Aldi and don't really buy brands etc.

enthusiasticsaver

We don't really do loads of snacks and when our kids were living at home they were rationed. Fruit was available so getting large bags of apples and pears.we used to bake fairy cakes and brownies, flapjacks once a week and I would get one large multipack of crisps a week. When they were gone no more until shopping day. It is not going to kill kids or adults to go without snacks if they are getting 3 meals a day.

enthusiasticsaver

Are you selective about the things you book to go on? In your situation if it involves overnight stays and lots of fuel I would be turning down invites if you are trying to cope with high debt and having to economise on food. You don't have to say yes to everything if money is tight.