Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 2 - Groundhog Day

crazy_cat_lady

Evening all :wave: :coffee:
At least I don't have a headache tonight, and I left work at 4pm so I was home and had my feet up by half five. Had to come via Mr T because someone (dh and dd) keeps using shedloads of milk and not thinking that we might need any more in. I also needed cat food and a few veggies. Paid in cash to keep the cost down as there are still 2 weeks until payday and I am broke.
Got home, put a load of washing in, washed the dishes, made dinner, hoovered right through and up the stairs and got dd to feed the cats. Now I'm refusing to do anything school related for the rest of the evening. I'm actually just going to crochet - so there. And hopefully be in bed by 9pm.
I was late yesterday because it was parents evening, and I was very busy. Non stop for over 3 hours seeing parents. Thankfully it's over for a few weeks at least. I don't know whose bright idea it was to put parents evening in the middle of exam season and straight after Ofsted. Just realised I'm repeating myself - sorry I felt awful when I woke up this morning at 5am and couldn't get back to sleep. I don't know if it's because I'm tired and so busy but I don't feel as positive about work as I have done since Christmas. I'm starting to get a bit anxious and worried about anything and everything and I can see lots of problems with no solutions... On the plus side though, it was the first chemistry exam today and the vast majority of my students thought it was a good paper. Fingers crossed that the next 2 are just as good for them.
Not much else to report other than relief that ds's football training has been cancelled and I can relax for a couple of hours before bed.

crazy_cat_lady

Gawd I am so tired that you wouldn't believe. Everything has gotten a bit much today and I've been randomly tearful and upset about anything and everything. I'm not in a frame of mind for getting anything much done although I have been really busy.
As I mentioned on Thursday I'm starting to lose a bit of my positivity and hope about work. Yesterday was long and tough and I can't be bothered because I'm tired. I went straight home after school yesterday (brought myself 50 books to mark as well) and went out for dinner last night with the kids. My cousin got married in Mauritius a couple of weeks ago and there was a big family meal last night, which was lovely. However, I'm not used to eating a lot of food late into the evening and I didn't sleep very well afterwards. I kept waking up during the night feeling rubbish. Round 2 of the celebrations is tonight - like a wedding evening do, and I'm meant to be going, but dh is really unwell today (hangover plus depression = no good) plus ds is getting sick as well. So I've passed on my apologies and am planning an early night with ds to see if we can get a decent night of rest.
I've been quite non stop today - minimal housework, a teeny top up shop and my tutoring, as well as ds football run this afternoon. His team got an utter thrashing 8-0 and he was very tearful about the whole thing, that made me miserable about the whole thing and I felt all sad for ages.
I've made a good start on my exam marking - not as much as I would like to have done but a start anyway. I think my best plan is for a decent night tonight and hopefully a good, fresh start tomorrow.

Florence_J

Oh CCL

I'm so sorry things are tough at the moment.

I hope things pick up.

Bobarella

Hi Cat

I'm not surprised you are losing your positivity under the strain of your workload and home life. That's normal. You aren't an endless source of energy and it sounds like you are very much running on empty at the moment.

Don't judge yourself based on how you feel when you are clearly exhausted.

Bob

crazy_cat_lady

Thanks so much Flo and Bob - I'm aware my diary is a miserable place at the moment and I'm just moaning about anything and everything so it's nice to know I've not scared everyone off.
It's good news and bad news this morning. Good news is that I was in bed and asleep early last night and I slept right through till 6am this morning. Not so good news is that I still feel exhausted now I'm up, plus ds has kindly shared his sore throat and snotty nose with me. He is loaded with cold and I feel a bit rough. I've had 2 cups of tea though and feeling ok so far. I've done 3 hours of school and exam work this morning although the big pile of book marking is still in the car. I'll do more of that later though.
I was planning a pyjama day, but ds has asked for some batteries for a camera he found last night so I promised I'd take him out for those. It would have been a nice little walk if we weren't both ill but I think I'll admit defeat and take the car - plus it'll be done quicker than if we walked.
There's a lot of football on telly today so I feel as though that day has been mapped out. I crochet while the boys watch telly, then I mark books while the boys watch telly, then I crochet while the boys watch telly and so on. This is assuming that dh gets out of bed today of course - you just never know. However, I did start watching 3 girls this morning while I was the only one up. I've had to switch off now the kids are up but am keen to see the rest of it at some point.
I also need to do a bit of cooking and a bit of relaxing. I won't have much time for that in the coming weeks...

crazy_cat_lady

UGH! My health went rapidly downhill during the day yesterday. I ended up in bed by 7pm, aching from head to foot, and I've developed a strange looking rash on my arm from out of nowhere. It looks like sunburn - and it's hot to the touch as well. I've had suggestions from scarlet fever to cellulitis to an allergy to mumps. It's still there now (24 hours later) and not getting any worse, but not getting any smaller either. I'm also still quite snotty, run down and tired, so I suspect that it's probably something viral and if I get some proper r&r then I might feel better. Work is tough but I don't feel as though I can take time off at the moment. I'm not well, but not poorly enough to have a day off either. And it's nearly half term so just 4 more days to get through.
Still, on the positive side - I've marked all of my books up to date so can have the night off on that front. DS has talked me into KFC for dinner after swimming tonight as we have a 15% off voucher and it's one less thing to do. Plus his new swimming class is half an hour earlier than last time round so we'll be home earlier than last time.
DD has done a bit of housework (wish I could get dh and ds to do the same) so that's nice. All that remains is for me to crochet and get an early night (hopefully).
Things are getting a bit tough with dh again - we're both too tired and stressed to make much of an effort with each other. I'm sure he has his own opinion, but mine is that it's him that has really stopped making much of an effort. He's staying up late and getting up too late in the day to do anything - and missing out on time with both me and the kids. I'm sure he sees plenty of issues with me at the moment, but the difference is that I keep talking and letting people know I'll ride through feeling bad as I always do. He gets withdrawn and appears moody (whether he is or not I don't know) so that's tough because I can't deal with that very well... Especially when I'm struggling myself. I keep thinking I'll just tell him, but then I worry that I will make him feel worse. I wish I could get him to help himself a bit...

Florence_J

I'm sorry to hear you are unwell CCL and that things are a bit tough with DH.

You mentioned on my diary that I sound a bit like how DH gets. I can't speak for how DH feels or how he deals with things, but I get withdrawn when I'm down and it certainly could be reasonably interpreted as being 'moody'. For me though when I am in those states it is a case of I have become so consumed by my bad thoughts that communicating is near impossible.

I think you put up with an awful lot and you do so much for your family. You remind me of my poor suffering OH and because I speak about MSE forum all the time to him I once said 'Are you sure you're not writing under the name CCL?'

SpekySquarehead

Hey CCL, just catching up. Hope you're feeling better. Remember, not long to go till you're finished up.

crazy_cat_lady

Morning all :coffee:
Fell asleep before half nine last night, and woke up at 4am to the sad news of what's happened in Manchester. There were some kids from my school at that concert - thankfully all accounted for.
I feel a bit better this morning than I did yesterday. I feel better for having had a bit more sleep but I'm still not physically well. The rash has gone, the snotty nose and sore throat are still there and are now accompanied by aching joints.
Thanks for the reassurance re dh Flo - I struggle a bit with my own mood and self esteem and it's so difficult not to take it personally when he cuts himself off. Especially because when he's well he talks about how we need to make more of an effort with each other, which I take personally. Last night was a bit better but things are still rubbish - we barely see each other because of working hours and then his sleep pattern. So by the time he's home from work at 8-9pm I'm ready for bed...
Hey Speky - I need to get over to your diary to find out how the new place is and whether you're settling in ok. I'm sure it's all fantastic.
So today is a full teaching day with a revision session after school, followed by ds footy training.

crazy_cat_lady

Hi all
Sorry I kind of disappeared earlier. Was needed for mock exam supervision and then just didn't have time to get back on. I've been a bit subdued all in all - a combination of work stress and tired, plus things that are going on elsewhere for other kids... It's all very sad and makes me feel guilty for moaning about being busy and stressed at work.
I will try and appreciate my children more tonight. They are hard work but I love the bones of them, and there's an 8 year old girl died in Manchester - she's the same age as my son, and I can't imagine what her parents must be going through.
Also had a long chat with a lovely work colleague about mental health and mood etc. which has helped me to feel a little bit better. It is just a generally sad and reflective day today.
So I'm just going to relax and look after me and mine for tonight. You take care everyone and give those you love a kiss and cuddle....