Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 2 - Groundhog Day

crazy_cat_lady

Evening all
Well 8.45 is a bit of a late check in with my massive to do lists etc. I'm already nearly asleep on the old faithful sofa, and 3 cats tonight. Thing is, dh is here, watching football so I should go and claim my spot in bed before he does and get some snuggling in with ds... Not going to find the time to do any knitting or crochet but to be honest I just want to get some sleep...;)
Last night was ok on the sofa - took me a while to drop off to sleep and then was up 3x during the night. Just a bit tiring being back to work all day again - I was out for 10 hours in total today and had to bring work home. It's only day 2 and I've already broken 1 new years resolution, to keep work at work and home at home. Ah well...
I had another busy day at work today and finally got the chance to have a brief chat with the new Head. First impressions are that I really like him - certainly he's saying all of the right things so fingers crossed that this continues. It's a long time since I've actually been hopeful about things at work so I'm hanging onto that feeling for as long as I can. I actually didn't mind having to bring something home with me tonight - it was stuff that I feel is useful and helpful rather than a box ticking exercise.
As for dh, he's come home ok tonight - still up and about. Obviously slept his hangover off - he's had something to eat as well so lots better than last night. I'm pleased Whilst I'm not pleased that drinking appears to be one of his few pleasures in life, at least he's not on the slide mentally... It's such a puzzle for me to try and get my head round. Some days I hate the drinking, some days I can tolerate it, some days he's ok, some days he's not. Same as me I suppose. It's a case of the good outweighing the bad - nobody can have it all.
Right, I haven't had a lot of time to myself tonight so I'm going to finish up and head off for some cuddles with ds. That's something that always cheers me up

crazy_cat_lady

Oh no - I'm already shattered and its only the first week back. I feel whacked and I can feel my mood shifting a bit already. Bit of paranoia with dh sneaking in. He barely spoke two words to me last night, but I'm not sure if I was being paranoid or if he's huffed with me for pointing out the drinking again. I ended up going to bed with ds at 9pm, and dh didn't even come upstairs at all - just stayed down on the sofa. Again, I'm not sure if that was because he was in a mood with me or because he was happy to take a turn on the sofa while I had a better night. I wish I didn't overthink everything.
Anyway, other than that, things are ok. Work is ok - I think the new Head is really on the case with behaviour. Short term pain, long term gain and all that. I managed to get quite a bit done today. Still no marking, so I have to make that a priority very soon indeed but all my planning and copying is sorted for next week. Unfortunately I have reports to write on a tight turnaround and a presentation to prepare before Wednesday so it might be a few more days yet...
It's freezing outside tonight, quite literally - I've put the frost cover on the car windscreen in the hope that it will save me a couple of minutes in the morning. The heating is on, I'm in my fluffy pj's and slippers and I'm still quite cold. I've done all my daily jobs and am getting ready to settle for the night. The soppy and emotional side of me is enjoying spending settle time with ds before he goes to sleep, even if it means my being in bed really early.
Right - time to get on...

crazy_cat_lady

Evening all :coffee:
It's another incredibly cold evening out there. Just about to go out and pick dd up from her gymnastics class and then I'm determined to get straight into bed (yes, at 8pm) with ds and watch a dvd together. I like it when I haven't got to be out and about and I can just stay snuggled in bed.
So, I've reassessed the situation with dh and I think he's a bit down at the moment... Not angry with me or anything but I think that the depression is sneaking its way in again. I wish he would realise that getting drunk doesn't help that, but I know how difficult it is when you can't give something up even though you know it's not good for you. I did ask him to wake me last night when he wanted to come to bed and I would go on the sofa but he didn't. I was up and about at 3.30 and found him asleep on the floor in the living room - couldn't get him to move so I just went back to bed. It's so hard not to take this personally - particularly with my paranoia but I just keep reminding myself that I've done nothing wrong so it shouldn't be me making him like that. I've spoken to him to remind him that he needs to talk a bit, and to say that it's ok if he's down, but we need to try not to hit rock bottom again. I know I'm anxious but the prospect of this is terrifying me...
On the other hand, work is pretty good at the moment - I really like the new Head. I think we'll get along well with him, and I keep hearing really good things about him. I love my job but have always hated the pushing from the senior management, and never managed to understand why we had to do what we were doing. The job is still busy but I think we're finally all on the same page now and I want to do the work, even though I'm busy and it's hard. It's a good few years since I felt positive about work, and although the problems are still the same as far as the kids are concerned I think that there are solutions ahead. Fingers firmly crossed.
I've done some batch cooking this evening. I can't believe I've found the time to do that on a Friday night after work but I have. Done a massive pan of egg fried rice with ham that needed using, plus ham, egg and sweet potato chips. Just enough ham left to do pizza with tomorrow and I am well pleased with myself. Not having to stress about making lunches etc has been brilliant. So pleased I invested in that chest freezer.
Also did the daily jobs plus hoover upstairs. That should mean I have less to do tomorrow so I can do the work I've brought home (report writing) and enjoy a bit of me time - I hope.
Trying to stay positive and remember all the good stuff in life. Wish me luck!

Sallyforth

CCL I wish you all the luck in the World. I'm a bit of a secret stalker of yours but right behind you. I am the servant to 3 spoilt rotten, indoor Burmese cats, a retired OH and work full time. Keep your chin up. Life could be far worse - in Syria or somewhere I keep telling myself.
Sal

crazy_cat_lady

Hi Sal
Thanks so much for taking the time to post to me I appreciate it.
I'm tired today, but ok. I watched the dvd with ds then when he was asleep I came down and got on the sofa so dh would go to bed when he was ready. Then ds woke me up just before 6 complaining of a pain in his tummy - which I am almost certain is anxiety based... He's ok now but the mood isn't great from him with his restless night.
I've been out to my PT session and now feel utterly exhausted. I'm so pleased I got quite a bit of stuff done yesterday because I don't feel like doing much at all today. DH is just about to take ds to footy and I think I might have a little nap while they're gone if I can. I have tutoring this afternoon and I'm almost desperate for deodorant so I'll have to pop out to do a bit of shopping as well (but it had better come in at less than a tenner because there's plenty of food in the house). Other than that though, a quiet and restful day including a bit of crochet or knitting (or both) and writing some Year 11 reports.

crazy_cat_lady

Right. I've done half of my year 11 reports - my most difficult class. Just the top set left to go. I need a break from it now though, it's doing my head in a bit.
Came home from tutoring via Mr T to do my tiny top up shop - £9.70 and also filled the car with petrol (£40). Got home to find dh asleep on the sofa looking a bit grey and ds nowhere in sight. He'd gone to his friend's house up the street. He's sleeping over there tonight, and I'm incredibly anxious about it because I know how bad he's been at sleeping recently. Think I'm just overthinking everything. Again.
Think I'll have an early night, in my own bed and hopefully sleep well...

Bobarella

Oh really hope the sleep over is ok and and you aren't trekking up there tonight.

crazy_cat_lady

I thought I would sleep well... I woke up at half three and couldn't get back over again. Fretting. I dozed over again, on the sofa, just before 6am and got another couple of hours. It's ridiculous really... DH really perked up again last night and insists he's absolutely fine. Although we seem to pass a bit like ships in the night rather than spending any real time with each other - something else I can worry about.
Just realised I'm making myself sound like a nervous wreck. I'm not - I just know myself well enough to know that I'll always find something to worry about. Whether that then takes over my life or not is another thing. DS did fine at the sleepover by all accounts - I'm just waiting for him to come home now then we're heading over to my mam's house for lunch and a catch up.
I've finished my Year 11 reports - took longer than I thought they would but at least they are done. Hopefully I'll get catching up with work over the week ahead so I can be on top of my marking again by this time next week. Fingers crossed.

crazy_cat_lady

Home again :coffee::shhh:
Feeling so very tired now that I could go to bed. It appears to me that no matter what time I go to sleep I wake up some time between 3 and 4am. Maybe will consider going to bed at 7pm just to get enough sleep...
Nice afternoon catching up with my mam, and double nice because she fed me and I didn't have to worry about making my own dinner. She has started talking about my upcoming big birthday and what I might like as a present. Unfortunately she and I are not on the same wavelength money wise and she can't understand why I don't want her to flash loads of cash on something. It started with an offer to outfit me from head to toe (which I wouldn't be comfortable with) and lunch with her and my sister (that, I can do) and then morphed into a new front door for the house (which I desperately want but don't feel it's a birthday type of present). I have to think about it and get back to her... I just really don't want anything. Someone on another thread has suggested a spa day but I'm not really comfortable with those either. I've done one and it was lovely but not really me... It sounds rubbish but a new door is what I really need and I'm sure it'll feel like a treat to me by next winter... Gosh, I'm so rock and roll aren't I?
Really good news is that dh seems much more like his old self today. He didn't drink much by his standards last night and that seems to have made a difference today. That makes me feel a bit happier.
So, I have a couple of blankets and baby things that I have to be getting along with and that's what I intend to do for the rest of the evening, in between making sure that the kids are ready for school tomorrow...

snozberry

For what it is worth, I'd go with the new front door. Not very birthday like I know but I'd rather have something that I need.


We go back to school tomorrow