At OUR financial limit... now she's leaving me

BrassicWoman

They are teenagers, not tiny tots.

Ask them.

FBaby

Sharing a sleeping space with your brother (if you're a girl) or worse sister if you're a boy will provoke a LOT of !!!!!ing from schoolmates.

For one, that's not the case, it's quite cool nowadays to get along well with your sibling, and for two, I would certainly consider avoiding debt a much higher priority than worrying about stupid kids teasing, especially when it is not that difficult to keep this fact to yourself.

Of course, as already suggested, OP can leave his room to one of them and sleep on the sofa when they are visiting. Not sure why you are bothering about this pointless issue when ultimately OP has much more on his plate to be dealing with.

Beckyy

Given that it was for you both, could she buy they TV off you and anything else that was joint? Are there other debts in her name for joint purchases?

ptwell

First of all, thank you for the considerable number of responses, it's quite overwhelming.
Unfortunately I have to admit that I'm struggling more than I expected with non-financial matters and, although I totally agree with all who have said that I need to get sorted and can't afford to procrastinate, I've found myself struggling to get the basics such as eating and sleeping done so that has the knock-on affect of leaving me drained.
Anyway, this is a money forum, not an agony column...


One point that has been dragged out an argued over in this thread is the issue of my kids sharing a room and it's a shame I didn't get back on here sooner to explain.
Yes, it's true that my kids would be unhappy at the idea of sharing but that's not why I mentioned it. I had been led to believe, (verbally) that there may actually be a legal reason for them not being able to share. It has been made clear on here that that is not the case so now I understand and can consider it an option if necessary, though I'd probably be more inclined to go down the route of sleeping on the settee myself. Thanks again for the advise.

I have to head off shortly as I am traveling to my parents house and spending the weekend there with my kids.
I'm sorry to leave the thread on a negative but in with all of the well-meaning and helpful advise on here, I must admit I was quite disgusted by this comment:

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Whyever not? What on earth do you think your son would do to your daughter?

I'm sorry Jojo but I would rather decline your advice than to read such comments about my children. Please ignore this thread.

suki1964

It's not just a money forum. We also do shoulders to lean on and tea and biscuits

Don't be a stranger. If nothing else having a sounding board here may help you move forwards and come up with ideas you hadn't thought of

All the best x

Guest101

ptwell wrote: »

First of all, thank you for the considerable number of responses, it's quite overwhelming.
Unfortunately I have to admit that I'm struggling more than I expected with non-financial matters and, although I totally agree with all who have said that I need to get sorted and can't afford to procrastinate, I've found myself struggling to get the basics such as eating and sleeping done so that has the knock-on affect of leaving me drained.
Anyway, this is a money forum, not an agony column...


One point that has been dragged out an argued over in this thread is the issue of my kids sharing a room and it's a shame I didn't get back on here sooner to explain.
Yes, it's true that my kids would be unhappy at the idea of sharing but that's not why I mentioned it. I had been led to believe, (verbally) that there may actually be a legal reason for them not being able to share. It has been made clear on here that that is not the case so now I understand and can consider it an option if necessary, though I'd probably be more inclined to go down the route of sleeping on the settee myself. Thanks again for the advise.

I have to head off shortly as I am traveling to my parents house and spending the weekend there with my kids.
I'm sorry to leave the thread on a negative but in with all of the well-meaning and helpful advise on here, I must admit I was quite disgusted by this comment:




I'm sorry Jojo but I would rather decline your advice than to read such comments about my children. Please ignore this thread.

I think Jojo was actually making the same point. IE there's nothing wrong with siblings sharing and what on earth are people thinking by suggesting otherwise....

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

ptwell wrote: »

First of all, thank you for the considerable number of responses, it's quite overwhelming.
Unfortunately I have to admit that I'm struggling more than I expected with non-financial matters and, although I totally agree with all who have said that I need to get sorted and can't afford to procrastinate, I've found myself struggling to get the basics such as eating and sleeping done so that has the knock-on affect of leaving me drained.
Anyway, this is a money forum, not an agony column...


One point that has been dragged out an argued over in this thread is the issue of my kids sharing a room and it's a shame I didn't get back on here sooner to explain.
Yes, it's true that my kids would be unhappy at the idea of sharing but that's not why I mentioned it. I had been led to believe, (verbally) that there may actually be a legal reason for them not being able to share. It has been made clear on here that that is not the case so now I understand and can consider it an option if necessary, though I'd probably be more inclined to go down the route of sleeping on the settee myself. Thanks again for the advise.

I have to head off shortly as I am traveling to my parents house and spending the weekend there with my kids.
I'm sorry to leave the thread on a negative but in with all of the well-meaning and helpful advise on here, I must admit I was quite disgusted by this comment:




I'm sorry Jojo but I would rather decline your advice than to read such comments about my children. Please ignore this thread.

It's what the person who 'advised' you about a non-existent legal obstacle was implying about them, not me.

I shared with my brother until I was 13 and he was 23, OH shared with his sister until he was 17 and she was 15, very few students at my school have their own rooms and many share with more than one sibling of the opposite gender. It's the reality for many, many families and there aren't thousands of abusive relationships going on, or there would be a law preventing it. Or lots of stories in the papers about kids being taken into care because their parents couldn't afford a mortgage on a three bedroomed house, rather than a two.

bottom_biscuits

ptwell wrote: »

Anyway, this is a money forum, not an agony column...


One point that has been dragged out an argued over in this thread is the issue of my kids sharing a room and it's a shame I didn't get back on here sooner to explain.
Yes, it's true that my kids would be unhappy at the idea of sharing but that's not why I mentioned it. I had been led to believe, (verbally) that there may actually be a legal reason for them not being able to share. It has been made clear on here that that is not the case so now I understand and can consider it an option if necessary, though I'd probably be more inclined to go down the route of sleeping on the settee myself. Thanks again for the advise.

(Text removed by MSE Forum Team)

When applying for council housing, they take into account how many children over the age of ten and whether they are the same sex, so you are kind of correct. It's not illegal as such for them to share, but a boy and a girl should not be expected to share, especially at this age.

theoretica

It will depend on the children, and none of us know them. What other kids grow up being used to, or these teens could put up with for a special holiday/emergency doesn't mean that sleeping arrangements won't make them less inclined to come, or maybe decide to come every other visit rather that at the same time. Personally, I would rather sleep on an air mattress or share a room with either parent than with my brother.

FBaby

Are we back discussing kids sharing a room? FGS, OP has said that he would be prepared to go on the settee himself when the kids are with him so they both have a room. He's made it clear that this issue is far from his main concerns at the moment.

OP, I hope you are ok. Indeed, you are finding yourself in the common position after an separation when you are left emotionally battled and so drained that it is very hard to take rational decisions. That's why it is important that you look after yourself. You will need to make some decisions urgently so it doesn't impact on your life later, but not every decision, so the little energy you can gather at time, you need to spend on the essential decisions.

You might find that the time you feel more capable of doing so is after you've spent time with your kids because they will have distracted you a bit from thinking about it all. Maybe then you can spend time to do your statement of affairs and at least have an idea of what you can afford accommodation wise. Try to arrange time with friends/family to get mentally distracted and then plan your next step right after.

There will be times when you start to feel a bit more positive and entrepreneurial, and then time when you take a huge step back. That's all normal so don't let the frustration get to you, it will get easier and easier until you are ok because you've moved on. Good luck.