SOA please offer advice.

crazy_cat_lady

Hi Kim

I just wanted to echo what m2m said about school trips. If they are during the school day then you don't have to pay. That is a fact no matter what the school says. Schools are not allowed to charge for school trips that the whole class are going on (different for residentials etc). By all accounts, it's usually those that can easily afford to contribute that choose not to.
I know it's not a big thing, but it might help a bit.

Good luck with everything.

kimplus8

crazy_cat_lady wrote: »

Hi Kim

I just wanted to echo what m2m said about school trips. If they are during the school day then you don't have to pay. That is a fact no matter what the school says. Schools are not allowed to charge for school trips that the whole class are going on (different for residentials etc). By all accounts, it's usually those that can easily afford to contribute that choose not to.
I know it's not a big thing, but it might help a bit.

Good luck with everything.

Thanks, I am going to speak with them and see if I can maybe pay half, I still want to contribute but I'm sure they can see that with lots of children itsso expensive and I'm really struggling.
thankyou for your contribution to the thread

crazy_cat_lady

Just one more thing - please don't take this the wrong way because I'm not sure it will read as I intend it to.
I can see by your posts that you're a hard working woman who is doing a fantastic job in difficult circumstances - but don't be too proud to admit that you can't contribute at the moment. It's ok to say that you're struggling financially - your circumstances have changed dramatically over the past couple of years.
Unfortunately there are always people who will judge - that is their problem, not yours. It's easier for people to look to judging others rather than dealing with their own stuff. I see no shame at all in saying that you've had a tough time, therefore you can't contribute to school trips at the moment. I wouldn't even worry about half at the moment - you can put back once you're in a better position to do so. I understand that you will probably find this difficult, but it's absolutely ok.

PasturesNew

Are the kids old enough to walk to school now the weather's nicer? When I was at school my friend and her two brothers (12-15) walked to school the 3 miles across country. No footpaths, no lighting, it was a winding/twisty road. 3 miles isn't that far if "you have to". Back then they had to as there weren't the top up benefits you get nowadays.

£1000 for food is a LOT. You should be able to shave quite a bit off that. Look at the cost of what goes in the bin, portion sizes, the cost of each ingredient and whether it can be omitted or substituted. You need to get a handle on exactly what's bought, why, alternatives, what's eaten, what's wasted. What's "need" and what's "want".

If you get: "My kids only eat organic cheese, they won't eat Lidl/Aldi cheddar at £5/kg". Ok - so they go without then. Bread sandwiches. We used to go without. You get what you're given, eat it or go without.

School trips - just say no. We never used to go on school trips because we couldn't afford it. These days, with social media and 24/7 TV it appears that "everybody" goes on them, but they don't. They're a luxury really.

Mrs_Soup

Do you qualify for free school on the basis of any of your benefits? If so the school then gets extra funding for them as well as you getting the meals. They can then use this to benefit the children. Even without this many schools have funds available to help those who would otherwise struggle to meet costs of trips etc.

tiger_eyes

I'm quite surprised that the link between an abusive partner and having a lot of children isn't obvious to some posters here. It's a fact that domestic abusers like to encourage (or coerce, or even force) their victims to become pregnant, since it reinforces dependence on the abuser. And given the association between domestic violence and financial abuse, a survivor of domestic violence might well have a lot of children and no money.

OP, congratulations on building a better life for yourself and your children.

Goldiegirl

I don't think it's judgement that's going on here, rather than genuine curiosity as to how someone has 7 children, split with her husband 2 years ago, yet has children by him aged 2 and 1, and has found enough time to meet someone else and get pregnant again.

When you post on forums, you open yourself up to questions and comments, especially if your situation isn't perceived to be 'average' or 'normal'.

I think the key is the staunchly Catholic father. Even being staunchly Catholic doesn't necessarily mean you have to have huge families - he could have had some self restraint and only had sex at times of the month when pregnancy was unlikely, or the OP could have told him that she didn't want sex at her most fertile time of the month but what's done is done. And I appreciate he may have been difficult to say no to.

He seems have enjoyed all the benefits of his faith, but I'm sure his religion doesn't advocate violence towards women or not providing for his children.

I think the OP needs to go through the legal channels to make him pay for his children's upkeep

I don't mean any offence by what I've said, but it's just what people are thinking, it was sort of the elephant in the room!

kimplus8

Mrs_Soup wrote: »

Do you qualify for free school on the basis of any of your benefits? If so the school then gets extra funding for them as well as you getting the meals. They can then use this to benefit the children. Even without this many schools have funds available to help those who would otherwise struggle to meet costs of trips etc.

i don't qualify unfortunately as i am working, even when I'm on mat leave I'm still counted as being employed and wont qualify

kimplus8

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I don't think it's judgement that's going on here, rather than genuine curiosity as to how someone has 7 children, split with her husband 2 years ago, yet has children by him aged 2 and 1, and has found enough time to meet someone else and get pregnant again.

When you post on forums, you open yourself up to questions and comments, especially if your situation isn't perceived to be 'average' or 'normal'.

I think the key is the staunchly Catholic father. Even being staunchly Catholic doesn't necessarily mean you have to have huge families - he could have had some self restraint and only had sex at times of the month when pregnancy was unlikely, or the OP could have told him that she didn't want sex at her most fertile time of the month but what's done is done. And I appreciate he may have been difficult to say no to.

He seems have enjoyed all the benefits of his faith, but I'm sure his religion doesn't advocate violence towards women or not providing for his children.

I think the OP needs to go through the legal channels to make him pay for his children's upkeep

I don't mean any offence by what I've said, but it's just what people are thinking, it was sort of the elephant in the room!

i think you obviously missed the posts that MSE have deleted. They were really horrid and are what other posters are responding to. The children aged 2 and 1 are actually almost 3 and almost 2 (in august).
Like I have said before, i don't expect peole to understand why and I don't wish to air my entire dirty laundry basket, i have already explained above that i met someone and he walked out when i was 3 months pregnant, i couldn't choose to not keep the baby at 14 weeks, i could feel him moving. that's all i can really say about it, I am aware it was incredibly stupid of me to meet someone so soon (18 months) after leaving husband but I was not in a good place, my bipolar was unmedicated and i was a complete mess, i was using contraception but nothing is fool proof.

kimplus8

PasturesNew wrote: »

Are the kids old enough to walk to school now the weather's nicer? When I was at school my friend and her two brothers (12-15) walked to school the 3 miles across country. No footpaths, no lighting, it was a winding/twisty road. 3 miles isn't that far if "you have to". Back then they had to as there weren't the top up benefits you get nowadays.

£1000 for food is a LOT. You should be able to shave quite a bit off that. Look at the cost of what goes in the bin, portion sizes, the cost of each ingredient and whether it can be omitted or substituted. You need to get a handle on exactly what's bought, why, alternatives, what's eaten, what's wasted. What's "need" and what's "want".

If you get: "My kids only eat organic cheese, they won't eat Lidl/Aldi cheddar at £5/kg". Ok - so they go without then. Bread sandwiches. We used to go without. You get what you're given, eat it or go without.

School trips - just say no. We never used to go on school trips because we couldn't afford it. These days, with social media and 24/7 TV it appears that "everybody" goes on them, but they don't. They're a luxury really.

my eldest starts high school in sept and will be walking but I cant expect the 9 year old to walk all that way, it terrifies me when they get the bus, she has no awareness of danger and i suspect in slightly on the spectrum, she just about can cope with getting the bus from the stop next to our house and getting of opposite the school and vice versa, and that's only because my eldest has been with her this past few months.