SOA please offer advice.

kimplus8

FBaby wrote: »

Reading your entire thread, the issue seem to be that you haven't truly appreciated yet the financial situation you are in. I expect you had a decent life before, one which included a number of luxuries, and you are struggling to accept that in you current situation, it might very well be that you, and your children cannot enjoy these luxuries. Your entertainment budget is totally out of proportion to the rest of your budget. It totally understand that you want to give your children a 'normal' life similar to their friends, but the reality is that you just cannot afford it. The reality is that your income is unlikely to grow much for some time, yet the children are going to cost more and more as will their expectations and you are risking getting into more financial trouble.

The luxury of your family is having each other. Children don't need to do all fancy activities or going on all the school trip. There many free activities they can enjoy together. Crafty hobbies don't need to cost much at all, libraries often organise craft days. At 11, 9 and 8, your children are still young enough to accept that mum cuts their hair.

I think you need to come to terms with how much you can stretched budget and how you are going to need to adapt your lifestyle to it rather than the other way around.

I totally agree with everyone else, you have to pursue getting maintenance from both your exes, however stressful this will be.

You sound like a great mum, bringing up that number of children whilst holding down a job is to be admired. I wish you good luck.

I think you are right and that I will have to retrain myself to not see this luxuries as just something we have and that they are luxuries and to be had sparingly.
Its hard to suddenly have to cut back but totally doable.
I am going to pursue maintenance with both fathers, phoning CMO on Monday.
I am going to price up afterschool club for the 3 that need it and see if I can ask school for some discount and maybe that will be cheaper than the football club and dance come September when they go back and I'm back to work.

kimplus8

Where is a good place to get some clippers, that will save 18 every few weeks for the boys haircuts, I'm pretty confident that I can just shave it all off

Fosterdog

We got ours from Argos, a few good offers on starter kits

http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/4241580.htm

http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/2271796.htm

They probably won't last as long as a higher quality kit but at £10-£15 even if they only last six months you would have saved enough to get something better

Smodlet

Please, just keep us posted; I, for one, am really rooting for you and cannot imagine how you do what you do, let alone how you do it better. Doesn't mean I would have done what you did, but we are not the same person... something the trolls cannot get their tiny, little minds around.

kimplus8

Smodlet wrote: »

Please, just keep us posted; I, for one, am really rooting for you and cannot imagine how you do what you do, let alone how you do it better. Doesn't mean I would have done what you did, but we are not the same person... something the trolls cannot get their tiny, little minds around.

I've got a debt free diary if you want to follow my crazy progress

kimplus8

Fosterdog wrote: »

We got ours from Argos, a few good offers on starter kits

http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/4241580.htm

http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/2271796.htm

They probably won't last as long as a higher quality kit but at £10-£15 even if they only last six months you would have saved enough to get something better

My friend has those babiliss ones and said they are great ( she has a side shave thingy).
I could buy these at the cost of one trip to the barbers. Okay so the boys are going to look like navy recruits for a while but that's cool if it's saving money off the debt too 😜

Smodlet

You have already said it but your children will grow up actually appreciating what they have, and how hard you have worked to provide it. I imagine they will be much better adjusted and nicer to be around than a whole lot of kids from more privileged backgrounds. I would be surprised if yours do not have far better manners, too.

foolofbeans

kimplus8 wrote: »

I could buy these at the cost of one trip to the barbers. Okay so the boys are going to look like navy recruits for a while but that's cool if it's saving money off the debt too 😜

I cut DH's hair and it doesn't look too bad. Hair grows quickly enough that if it doesn't look right it isn't long before it has grown again.
What I found useful was to buy the clippers then watch the barber as he cut DH's hair and that really helped me to make it look a little better than an allover shave.

foolofbeans

I think if you separate from the entertainment fund what costs are actually school related then it may be clearer to people that you're not all having jolly days out on the £234 a month.

PasturesNew

kimplus8 wrote: »

.... I cant expect the 9 year old to walk...

I read somewhere once that it's not until a child is 11-12 that you can "guarantee" they can cross the road safely alone.

So you're right, re 9.